Summer!!!

Summer is coming!!! It is right around the corner!!! I cannot wait!

I know, I know, some of you are thinking that it started June 21st. (The day I am actually writing this). I am on my deck, the sun is shining, everything is vibrant green, the air is warm, the birds are singing and I am worrying about whether my phone is turned on so I hear the message to go get my kid from school with all the things that have accumulated in his locker over the year...

It may be officially summer on the calendar, but in my world, it is not. For me, summer begins the last day of school, or when the last exam is written.

I have always been a little resentful of "the bell" and how it rules our lives from September to June.

We live right across from the Elementary school that my kids attended. After our eldest finished her first year at school, I was shocked when we woke up the day after school was done to hear the bell ring at the school. It marked the start of school, recess, lunch and the end of the day. I was more shocked at my inner reaction to it. I wanted no reminders of the driving demands of the bell. I couldn't stand the sound of it!!

The next day, it was same thing!!

I quickly got on the phone to the school office and asked if "that bell" was going to going to ring all summer. I was pleasant, perhaps a little frenzied. I was so worried they might leave it to ring all summer.  Sure enough, the schedule to turn it off had been missed. They said they would take care of it.


I woke up the next morning, true to their word, no bell.

Whew!!

The very same thing happened the next year. Finally by the end of grade two, the situation was rectified and the bell was off on time.

As a kid I remember staring out the window of my classroom, a little piece of me dying behind my desk when the sun was shining, a breeze was blowing through the trees and the green field of buttercups was beckoning my bare feet to come, run, play and be free.

I still feel it. The kids need help clawing their way to the finish line and I just want to ditch it all and run to the lake.

I cannot even imagine what their teachers are feeling. Seriously, if you are in this noble vocation, my hat is tipped, you have my respect and deepest appreciation!!!

I recognize the look in my kids eyes also, can you see it? They just can't even!

They do not want to deal. They do not feel they have any more effort to offer. They are feeling it too.

June is a tough one for us. Our tanks are running dry, we want to hang a "gone fishing" sign up on our door and leave no contact number.

To survive:

• The house is kept to a lesser standard of cleanliness.
• You will find us enjoying one another's company or grabbing a moment away on the deck. Too bad if the dishes need doing!!!
• Some of us will run to the lake whenever we can
• The grass will grow a little longer
• If the weather isn't lake-worthy, we are out for a walk or a hike.

We are just trying to make it to the dawg days of summer. No bell, no "have to do this, or have to do that". We like the freedom of a less intense schedule. The freedom to play. Oh, how we LOVE summer!!

It's almost here, it is just around the corner!! I think we can make it.

I am ready to kick off my shoes and run barefoot, how about you?

Who Is Invited?

Come. Simply come.

Did Jesus say "Come, follow me, Peter. Oh wait...no. Your pride and ambition and faithlessness are offensive to me!"

Was Thomas rejected because of his doubt?

What about Judas? Why was he called to follow Jesus? The one who would betray Jesus with a  kiss for 30 pieces of silver? Did Jesus invited him to follow, or did he say "Judas, your love of money is unacceptable."

Jesus knew everything about those he called to follow him. He knows everything about us.

Does his invitation have conditions or judgements, or does he just invite us?

Earlier this week, one of my favourite writers and bloggers, Jenn Hatmaker wrote a post that resonated deeply with my reflections on the Orlando tragedy.

"It is very difficult to accept the Christian lament for LGBTQ folks in their deaths when we've done such a brutal job of honoring them in their lives. It kind of feels like:

"We don't like you, we don't support you, we think you are a mess, we don't agree with you, we don't welcome you, we don't approve of you, we don't listen to you, we don't affirm you. But please accept our comfort and kind words this week."

Anti-LGBTQ sentiment has paved a long runway to hate crimes. When the gay community is denied civil liberties and respect and dignity, when we make gay jokes, when we say 'that's so gay', when we turn our noses up or down, when we qualify every solitary statement of love with a caveat of disapproval, when we consistently disavow everything about the LGBTQ community, we create a culture ripe for hate. We are complicit.

We cannot with any integrity honor in death those we failed to honor in life."

We need to speak louder in love than those who speak in judgment.

We need to know why.

Who is welcome at God's table? In the parable of the wedding feast, guests failed to attend. The King said to the servants "go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find."

Anyone you find.

Everyone they came across was welcome at the table of the King.

Who would have been on the streets?

Do not make this some sanitized version of Jesus' culture.

Rome was far more liberal than we are. Everything was acceptable.

Everyone would have been on the street, from the rich to the beggar, prostitute to a shop owner.

Everyone was welcome to the wedding feast. They were welcomed in and seated at the celebration table.

He invites us to come.

I am invited to come, deal with Jesus who is alone The Way to God and then he gently leads me to fullness of life. Jesus is the one who gives us appropriate wedding clothes. It is by his blood, we are made new. The one thrown out is the one who failed to receive the sacrifice Jesus made for them. It was not the other guests or servants who were given the right to decide that.

Do we refuse to welcome, love and accept people into community because of their irritable nature, pride, lust, gluttony or gossip? Have we fooled ourselves into thinking that these behaviours are acceptable to God?

Jesus reaches out to me while I am drowning in my imperfection. He receives me with love and compassion in my brokenness.

When we judge others, we forget we deserve judgment. We fail to remember what it feels like to be judged. We need to remember the grace we have received. Grace we are called to extend to each other,

Dear one, have you forgotten how Jesus called people out on judgement?!? "He who is without sin can cast the first stone." Could Jesus be clearer? "Deal with the plank in your eye before you help someone with the speck in theirs." Come on people!!

God invites us as we are.

He commands us to treat others as we want to be treated. Do I like to be called out in judgement? Do I like to have hateful words spoken to me? Do I like to have people rejoice in the violence people I identify with have suffered and call it just? Really?!? Is this how I would like to be treated?

I am heartbroken by the careless, hateful words spoken by so many who claim to know God.

As I read the names and see the faces of these precious ones who were senselessly killed, I feel such sadness. These lovely, treasured people deserved so much more than to be so violently snuffed out.

These precious lives were made by and deeply loved by God. He made these dear ones in his image. They are image bearers together with us of The King.  He grieves their deaths. He cries with and for those who love them and are broken-hearted. He is filled with love and compassion for them. Just as he is for you.

The King, our Heavenly Father, invites us to come.

All of us. Just as we are.

Come.

Real Men. Good Men.

The news has been rough this week.

At one end of the world ISIS is getting away with war crimes of horrific proportions and on this end of the world, a young kid failed to own his behaviour and have the basic human decency to recognize how his choices devastatingly harmed another, only to be echoed by his father. UNREAL!!

Part of me is in shock...

Why does the world sit idly by when terrorists storm into cities, throw people out of their homes and take their women and daughters to be their personal sex toys??

This has happened for generations in Africa and no one cares because Africa has no oil or natural resources to compensate the efforts.

UGH...it is too much sometimes.

Did I actually read articles this week where a Father minimized his son's brutal and vicious actions? Did he really just try to pass off rape as "20 minutes of action"?

I feel sick...

I know it happens; I know it. But when it slaps me in the face like this, it shocks me.

I am one very blessed person. I do not know any men who behave with such disregard for the law and lives of others. I am apparently a rarity.

The men in my family and the men in my friendship circles are real men. Good men.

I realize what I have been saved from. How protected I have always been.

Some of the men I know have had to work hard for what they have. Nothing was handed to them. Some have had every opportunity. They have led privileged lives.

Most have more than they need, yet they have not adopted the attitude and actions of "White Male Privilege" or that if power mongers thinly veiling their acts of war and crime with religion.

Not one has the attitude that they have what they have because they deserve it.

Not one believes they can take what they want because they are owed.

Not one has the attitude that they are better than others, or that women and girls exist solely for their enjoyment, pleasure, or service.
.

They are real men, generous with what they have and concerned for the well-fare of others.

These men have raised their children, from the beginning, to treat all people as they would like to be treated.

Men who care how their sons treat others. Whose children learn the difference between right and wrong.

Men who train their sons with respect and regard for women.

Men who teach their sons to honor women, to lift them up in word and deed.

Men who demonstrate to their sons that a woman is not an object to be lusted after, but respected for her mind, soul, dreams and abilities.

Men who expect integrity and honor from their sons, both in private and in public.

Men who instruct their sons to own their behaviour, to face the consequences of their actions.

Men who teach their sons about redemption and forgiveness, to receive it and reach higher, be better.

Men who are raising men.

Good men.

I have a deep, deep gratitude for my Husbands Father, my own Father and the Men who raised them. There is a culture of honor and respect for women that runs in our families.

I believe I owe sincere gratitude to my Heavenly Father. In His mercy and grace, He revealed His truth to the men in our families generations ago. Through His Word, He taught them to love and honor women as fellow image bearers of The King. Cherished, gifted, strong and capable.

My husband loves and honours me. He serves me graciously and encourages me to use my talents and gifting. He is my greatest support and most faithful cheerleader!

Craig is my safe place. He has set an incredible example for our sons, and they have learned from him. Craig cherishes his daughter and has loved her well. He treats all women with dignity, respect, courtesy and kindness. By his example, Craig has shown our girl what she should expect from a man and our boys how to be men.

Craig demonstrates daily to our boys and girl that it is possible to acknowledge a woman's strength while showing her she is a treasure. A priceless gift, never to be used and tossed away. A person who has worth and dignity because she bears the image of The Creator. A life that counts and is irreplaceable. He has shown our boys that women are to be protected and empowered, never to be trodden on.

Our sons have a sister they adore. They treat her well, and I love how they expect other young men to treat her. I love how they respect women and girls. They aren't perfect; they are works in progress, and I am proud of what I see in them and the target they are aiming for. They are already good men.

Craig has shown our boys what it means to be a good man.

Apparently, this is not as common an example as it should be. I am so thankful it has been the legacy of our families and the many families we know. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this.

I pray this attitude catches fire and spreads fiercely, far and wide, across the globe.

All women deserve to be surrounded by real men. Good men.

All boys deserve the chance to grow up to be real men. Good men.

When Your Morning Coffee Is Not Enough...

A few posts back, I wrote about hitting the reset button when we find ourselves in a funk. What happens when the reset doesn't work?

What happens when enjoying your morning coffee in your favorite spot is not enough to get you ready for your day?

What happens when frustration, exhaustion and lack of motivation persist?

Do you find yourself hermiting ( it's a thing! )

Are you struggling to find joy?

If any of this sounds familiar, you are either experiencing burnout or have encountered it at some point in your life.

I remember struggling with this now and then as a stay at home Mom. I wondered what was wrong with me!?! I have delt with it now and then as a working Mom too.

It took me a while to accept that parenting is hard. Really hard! On its own or coupled with work, volunteering, or whatever else, the grind can wear us down sometimes.

Parenting on its own is more than a full-time job. It demands the best of us. Always!

Our screw-ups are worse because they directly impact those we love most. This increases stress as we imagine all the therapy our children will need to process all of our flaws and mistakes. Compounded by our own (often unrealistic) expectations, it can amount to an incredible burden.

Life is hard.  Kids or no kids. It can feel relentless sometimes.

And we wonder why we might struggle with burnout now and then!?!

OK. So what can be done about it?

Consider scheduling some time to evaluate where you are at. Great! Right now works for me too!

What is draining the life out of your soul?

What is within your control to change?

What is outside of your ability to change but can benefit from a new mindset?

I usually need to write these things out. It makes them real, forces me to deal with them.

Here are some of the things I have learned to do in order to cope with burnout.

1. What can I ask for help with? I am SO bad at this.  Honestly, I wish I could tell you that over the last 20 years I have become a rock star in this area. I haven't. Family and friends are eager to support us, even if we do not recognize it. Often they can see us struggling and are wanting to help. They are just afraid of stepping on our toes. Just ask, okay?? I will too. For real!
2. What do I just need to let go of? Does everything I am doing have to be done? Am I burying myself under the weight of high expectations that I need to adjust or toss out the window? A relationship that is draining or damaging me? Identify it, get rid of it.
3. Get real with a friend. Find someone who can listen and avoid the urge to fix your situation. You know what you need to do, sometimes you just need space to verbally get it out and have a shoulder to cry on, someone to pray with.
4. Get out! Hire a babysitter so you can go out with another couple on a double date, schedule a girls night/ guys night. Laughter is good medicine for the soul. It happens effortlessly in a group and reconnects us. Throw in a few play dates and you will find your soul recovering. If possible, book a holiday, the change in routine can infuse your soul with life again. It's a must!
5. Self-care. Yup, it always comes back to this. It is often the first thing to slip quietly into Neverland.  Accountability with a friend in this area helps it stick.  We cannot endlessly give if we are not filling up somewhere. Are you getting some alone time? Exercise? Reading? Maybe consider trading an afternoon every week with a friend. One week they take your kids so you get the afternoon off, the next week you take her kids so she gets the afternoon off. That time is for you to engage in an activity you love. A hobby, a quiet afternoon reading at Starbucks. Whatever! Guard that time ruthlessly!
6. New perspective. What tasks are non-negotiable tasks that could benefit from a new mentality? For me, cooking sometimes feels like torture. An endlessly demanding, life sucking task. Making sure there is enough food in the house for three athletic kids can be straight up exhausting!! Remembering that healthy food is a gift and a way to love my family helps. Scheduling enough time to cook, engaging my family in preparation and trying new recipes (thank you Pinterest!) keeps it fun. Cooking double and freezing leftovers for another night helps maximize my effort. Sitting down to enjoy the meal together and connect with each other gives cooking increased purpose. What takes is draining the life out of you? How can you creatively increase your enjoyment of that task?
7. Abide. Nothing creates a dry, desert soul like disconnection from God. We were made to abide, dwell in, encamp, and remain in our Maker. A Spiritual retreat, a day of prayer or practicing His presence in new ways are a few activities that help me re-engage with God.

What helps you recover from burnout?

Be Seen

Do you long to be known? Really known?

Have you ever found yourself sick to death of the "I'm fine" merry go round?

You know, "I"m fine, how are you?" Only to hear "I'm fine thanks", "How is your family?"  "Fine, thanks, yours?" "Oh, we're fine, everything is fine!", "Us too! Fine is who we are!".

Ugh!

Now, "I'm fine" has a place. It is appropriate, not everyone needs to hear about what is rocking our world. We can also be fine when things are seemingly falling apart. "I'm fine" can be authentic. It definitely has its place!


What I am getting at is, does anyone know what is going on in your world? Are you allowing anyone
to see you? Really see you?

One of the bravest actions we take is to let our guard down and let someone else really get a look at us.

What if they decide they do not want to really know us?

What if they reject us? What if they mock us? What if they fail to keep a confidence or use their knowledge of us to hurt us?

A number of years ago we did a study with our small group called True Faced. It explored the crazy "I'm fine" lie that we hide behind.

Life had already taught me who to be careful of. Let's be honest, most girls know this by the end of grade 5. My philosophy is that the girls who play dumb about "mean girls" are the "mean girls". For real.

I have a tender heart, watching others get hurt and getting hurt a few times taught me to protect myself.

I got a little too good at protecting myself.

My gut reaction is to retreat to safety when someone hurts me. With lightening speed, I withdraw and re-establish my walls of protection.

As a young woman in my early twenties, I was sick of superficial friendships and longing for authenticity.

I was terrified to risk being known but my soul was drowning in the shallow waters. I needed depth. My soul thrives in knowing and being known.

I do not think I am unique in this area.

For me to take this step, I needed to be the kind of person who was worthy of seeing people. To be given the privilege of really seeing someone means I need to be safe for them. When I recognize my flaws, my failures, my need for Jesus, I recognize that we are all on the same playing field. Humanity is the great equalizer.  We all have struggles, faults, and parts of ourselves we want to keep in the shadows. Knowing this gives me humility, grace and genuine love for others. It enables me to be gentle and kind in their area of pain and weakness just as I want to be treated gently in my pain and weakness.

To be truly seen, I had to be able to weather rejection from others. Not everyone will receive me. The sting of rejection, judgment and hurt are less when I know who I am in Christ. When I accept who God  has made me, what other people want me to be loses its power. When I understand fully the depth of delight God takes in me and how deeply I am loved by Him, my worth is not determined by the approval of others.

Those who are unsafe do not get the same access to me as those who are safe. I can still treat them with love, kindness, and respect. I learn, by trial and error, to know how much of myself to reveal. We do not give a treasure to someone who does not value it's worth or know how to protect it.

Understanding these three things gave me the courage to be real. To risk being known and seen.

As I risked, I found people who were also willing to risk. Over time, these friendships grew. What reward!! I was honestly shocked!!  Shocked and astounded!!

These relationships are life-giving, gold mines. These real relationships are what makes this life full and good. Relationships where we carry each other's hardships and struggles, help us make it through. Joy is greater when we can celebrate together. Pain is easier to bear. I was no longer drowning in a shallow sea of "I'm fine."

Authenticity with others makes us honest with ourselves. When we are known, we can sharpen each other, help each other be our best selves. This is where you find your "Soul Sister's" and those friends who you can walk through life with.

What is keeping you from being known? What will it take to let other's see you?

"Why?"

If you were allowed to ask God any question and be sure you would get an answer, what would you ask him?

Over the years, Craig and I have had the pleasure of working with Alpha, a forum that invites people to explore questions they have in regards to faith, life, & God.

"If you were allowed to ask God any question and be sure you would get an answer, what would you ask him?" is their opening question.

I know right!?! Where does one even begin???

I just recently trained some volunteers and organized their participation in an event with the same purpose.

The most common question was "Why?"

"Why?"

Often with a tone of exhaustion, grief, or confusion.

When encouraged to unpack it a little more, it went to "why war, famine, pain, struggle, suffering?"

Good question!

Why is life so hard?

I have recently become friends with a woman who's has lost everything, her home, her homeland, where she grew up as a child,  met her husband, the home they built their life together in, the place where she gave birth to her babies,me here she raised them. She has been separated from her oldest child for 3 years, she missed being present at his wedding.  She has lost access to the place she buried her parents, she wonders if she will ever smell the fresh unique scent of her homeland after the rain. The feel of the dirt in her hand. How the light came through the kitchen window, the sound of the market and the freedom to speak to people here in her native tongue. She and her family have lost so,so much! Why??

We have friends who struggle with health issue after health issue. The cost, even with health care, is breaking the bank. Why???

Did you know that Uganda still has child sacrifice happening in certain parts of the country? Seriously. WHY?!?

"Why?" is a good question.

Honestly, there is no satisfactory answer, until you recognize the consequences of demanding our independence from God and wrestle through sin, our need for Jesus and who God really is, there is no answer that can even start to give some level of satisfaction.

Even though I have wrestled with all that, I still struggle. The best description for me is the image of a tapestry. Intricately and beautifully made, as a whole, it makes sense. It shows a beautiful picture. This is God's perspective on time, history, you, me. He sees it all. All at once, all the time. He is infinite.

I, however, am finite. I have limits. I see this one piece of the tapestry and it makes no sense. I may see themes of movement, I can identify color schemes. But truly,  I have no clue how it fits into the whole. I do not see how it works into something larger. I have no reference to make sense of it.

This is my perspective on life, the world, and it's craziness.

And this is God's.



















The Vintage 15th Century
A magnificent representation of the grape-gathering and the wine press


Are you wrestling with the hardships of life? Have you resigned yourself to "life is hard and then you die?" Are you angry at God that there is so much pain in the world? Are you struggling to make sense of it all?

There is a lot of pain and very few, if any, answers. What do we do with that?!?

Take heart my friend!

God is not scared of your hard questions. He wants to go there with you.  In His mercy and grace, he may allow you some answers. He will give you strength and hope for the next step, day, moment.

And one day...

One day.

He will let us see it all.

1Corinthians 13:12 The Message

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

Help! Where Is The Reset Button?!?

One of my favorite memories as a little girl was waking up to Dad making breakfast. He would whistle while he worked. I loved to listen to him. If we were having trouble getting out of bed, he would come turn our lights on and tell us it was time to get up. If we still struggled, he would come back and tug our blankets.

Every once in a while, I would wake up on the "wrong side of the bed". Often Dad would try to tease me out of my funk.

I remember that icky feeling. It was deep inside, in the core of my being. You know, that feeling that makes you want to pick a fight. That physical feeling of ugh! I didn't like it.

If I came to the breakfast table with that feeling, I would make it through the blessing, maybe a couple of bites of food and then I would ask to be excused to go to the bathroom.

There, locked away in the bathroom, I would sit on the side of the tub with my head in my hands.  Because "hate" was an out of bounds word, I would tell God how much I disliked that feeling. In those quiet moments, on the side of the tub, God's Spirit would wash over me. He would honor my cry for help and cleanse me. He would wash that feeling out of me. He would give my day a new start. He would "reset" my spirit.

I got better at catching that feeling and learned to quickly run to God for help.

Fast forward to when I was a young Mom. Mornings with littles can be chaotic, worse if they follow a poor sleep. Now I was the one in the kitchen trying to get food on the table. There was not a lot of whistling going on!!! The demands of surviving overwhelmed any awareness of that " icky" feeling. Just feed the kids and hope nap time comes soon!

With the tasks and needs of others, I became slow to recognized the signs that my spirit was unwell. Sometimes I would get half way through the day before recognizing that I needed a special touch from God. If things were really bad, a whole day could go by. It was harder to get to an alone space and spend some focused time in God's presence.

I needed to get creative.

In order to give God space to "reset" my spirit, here are a few things that worked for me.

1. Dance Party. While the kids thought we were just rocking out to some kickin' tunes, I always picked worship music that allowed me to enter the presence of God.

2.  I would go stand at the kitchen sink and as I washed dishes,( there are ALWAYS dishes!!) I would ask God to refresh my soul and take away that gross feeling.
If I was desperate, I would plunk the kids in the playpen and go sit on the edge of the bathtub, my old faithful spot.

3. Listening to a Focus on the Family podcasts during a quiet time helped give me new perspective some days. Regardless of my soul state, it became a habit.

4. Sometimes, I would meditate on a verse. Nehemiah 8:10 "The joy of the Lord is your strength"

5. Laughter. I would pull out a classic activity that was guaranteed to make the kids giggle uncontrollably and we would just laugh together. Blowing up a balloon and then let it fly as the air escaped making that crazy sound, the kids chasing it to try and catch it. Bubble blowing. Silly sound contests. Whatever! Anything that would make us dissolve into giggles. It "resets" the soul.

I know this is not an exhaustive list.  There are lots of  ways we can invite God to "reset" our soul's.
 What are some of the strategies that work for you?