A Letter to Young Men

One of the greatest gifts for me in this life is the chance to be a Mom to boys. My sons are a source of delight, laughter and joy. I count it a privilege to be trusted with the task of keeping them alive until adulthood! I have the awesome privilege of having a number of very special young men in my life. From my nephews to my boy's friends. I am literally surrounded!!! Lucky me! They are all unique and have their own abilities and  attributes. I love them all, I really do!!! It is fascinating to me to observe them interact with information and ideas in ways that are quite different from girls. In raising boys, I have come to admire and deeply value the strengths of men more and more. I love them!!

Boys are growing up in a difficult age these days. It takes more focus, determination and support to grow into a man of character and integrity. It is hard to be a good boy who will grow into a great man. I look at all these remarkable young men in my life and I truly desire the best for them.

There are many traps and temptations. There is a lot of pressure and competition. The ways we have developed education, expectations, and even entertainment puts men at a disadvantage.  Sitcoms make men look like idiots. We are trying to cover the world in bubble wrap to keep kids from danger. No wonder they turn to video games where they can be warriors and take risks. There are so many young men whom I love in our lives right now.  I want them to feel like they are set up for success not failure. I want them to know they have our unconditional love and support.

Recently I wrote a letter to young women. Today, after a moment I shared with a young man who is particularly dear to me, I knew I had to write a letter for young men. If I could share some wisdom from observation and parenting, and experience with the magnificent young men I know, it might go something like this:

Dear Incredible Young Man,

1. You are awesome just as you are. You do not need to jockey for position, or fight to be top dog. People of quality will recognize your value and respect you, they are the ones worthy of your friendship. Who you are is already enough.
2. Keep laughing!  Keep trying to make the people in your life laugh too! Humor is a super power!!
3. Have a well tailored suit in your closet. You never know when you will need one. It may be for an interview, a surprise celebration, or family event. It may be that you will need it to sweep a young lady off her feet one day. You may think you don't need it, chances are, if you have one there will be an opportunity to use it! And you always look jaw droppingly handsome in a suit. Always!
   
4. Athleticism is not the main measure of a man. Often during the school years, your value is determined by your performance on the field, ice, or court. Your character is the true measure of who you are. If you use the time on the field, ice and court to develop character, you are way ahead!
5. Integrity is the foundation of character, be the same person in front of people as you are when you are alone. This reduces inner tension and creates the platform from which all choices and behavior are formed.
6. Locker room talk is just that! Talk. Take everything that is said with a grain of salt.
7. Play! Learn to enjoy recreation and exercise, keep it fun, something you will continue.It is good for you but don't think of it that way, think of it as a good time!
   
8. Don't squash your inner child. Women need you to keep that approach to life. It adds fun, spontaneity and charm.  It helps keep us young, even if we aren't joining you in your juvenile behaviour, a piece of our heart adores it!
9. Be a gentleman. Move over for a woman walking on the sidewalk, offer your chair to some one older than you. Be considerate to those around you. Speak with respect. This goes a long way and sets you apart. Look up some gentleman's codes of conduct and incorporate the ideas that resonate with your values into your behaviour.
   
10. Don't fear failure, it is a great way to learn. Push yourself, take risks. Go ahead, try for that job, dream big & go for what you want. Ask that girl out ( when you are 20!) Failure does not mean you are not good enough, it means that you try harder or look for another opportunity. Don't let it shake your confidence or willingness to try again.
11. If someone tries to make you feel small, it is because they are hurt and feel small themselves. Respond with compassion. Hurting them will only make them more mean. Do not accept the behaviour, tell them kindly not to speak to you that way or do that to you. Do not take their behaviour personally, it reflects their lack of character and their pain. How you respond reveals your character.
12. Check the landing. When mountain biking, Craig taught our boys to always check the landing before trying a new jump or drop.  Think your actions through to their consequences. Some times you do not get a do-over.
    
13. Your Dad loves you. I learned in Bible School from many of my guy friends how important it was to know their Father loved them unconditionally. Some Dad's don't know how to show it or say it. Some Dad's just can't figure out how to get it across. They would give their life to protect you, they love you. Don't let the idea that you are unloved cripple you. Don't let the feeling that you have to earn it cause you to endlessly strive. Have grace on your Father for his limitations. You are loved, more than you will ever know.  It's an indisputable fact! 
14. Listen to your inside voice. Purity of mind and life are worth the battle. Learn to look away, wipe the image off your minds eye. Commercials are pornographic these days, walking in a mall is a minefield. Technology has made activities that you know are not good for you easily accessible and there is nothing but your conscience between you and your choices. Porn, drugs, alcohol and on-line gambling are taking down the young men in your generation. Rise above it.
15. Surround yourself with friends who are like brothers. Guys who have your back, laugh with you, share your interests and are there for you. Be there for them through thick and thin and they will be there for you!
    
16. Go out in groups, do a lot of different activities. Seeing a person in many situations is a great way to determine if they are worth pursuing a friendship with. How do they respond under stress? How do they respond when some one is frustrated with them? How to they treat service people? How they respond reveals character, that tells you if they are worth knowing better!
17. Date someone with the same beliefs and values as you. If you love hiking, swimming, cycling and being active, would you choose to marry a couch potato? Would you choose someone who discouraged you from it or did not want to share it with you? If you love God, align with someone who loves God. They will encourage, understand and seek God together with you. You will share the deepest most meaningful intimacy if you do. Decide what you love and choose someone who loves the same things! Relationships are hard enough without adding in extra battles.
    
18. Find a young woman who values and appreciates you, your mind and your approach to life. One of your biggest needs is to be respected. Find a woman who respects you even when she doesn't understand why you are doing things the way you are.
19. Learn to identify your emotions and where they are coming from. You don't have to share them with everyone.  If you know what you are feeling and why, you can choose your behaviour instead of your emotions dictating them.
20. Enjoy the ride! When God has his rightful place in your life it all works out. He can redeem wrong turns, make new roads where their seems to be only road blocks and he will always make a way. You can trust him!

You have so much potential! It is going to be amazing to see what you go do in the world. You are growing up in a world that is difficult for men. You may have battle wounds. I am pretty sure you have battle wounds.. Don't ignore them. Don't let the wounds you have hold you back. Bring them to God, let him do his work. He is waiting for you, he wants to heal and make you whole.

You are a warrior. You are in a fight to be the man you want to be. A fight to become the man God created you to be. Don't lose heart, stay focused. When you fall, get back up and keep fighting. You are surrounded by people who love you, will support you and who want to see you win.  Pursue your goal with all your might! Your family and friends are cheering you. We love you!  God is always on your side, you are not alone. Be strong and courageous!

With Love and Respect,
Lisa

A Letter To Young Women

When my boys were about 4 and 5 years old, I was getting into the vehicle with them. Ok, it was a van. I was that Mom who drove a van. As we were getting in, we noticed a teenage girl walking to school. My eldest son piped up "Why is she dressed like that? She needs more cloths!" Just as he was finishing his sentence a group of young men drove by. As they passed her, they threw change at her. My heart sunk. When I was growing up that was what unkind teenage boys did to prostitutes and then bragged about it in the halls at school. I was so upset I looked at my little men as my oldest asked "What did they do to her?"  I explained what had happened. I explained that they had treated her without respect. Then I implored them never to treat a girl like that. Not ever!

I wanted to run out and wrap her in a hug. I wanted to tell her so many things. She was scantily clad, but no young lady deserves that. She may have had someone telling her these things but maybe there were circumstances or wounds that prevented her from grasping them.

I have a heart for young women. Not just for my own girl, all girls. They face unique challenges and yet their roads are similar. I see so much beauty and potential in them and yet often they are held back by insecurity and fear. As an older women, I long to impart knowledge and ease the journey. In my heart I know the path of life will take them there. The same seed of truth repeated often enough will take root in their hearts, eventually. At the right moment they will be set free and transformation will happen. It is just a matter of the heart being ready to receive it. It happens at a different point for everyone, when they are ready.

There are a number of lovely young women in our church. I adore them.! Truly! They are bright stars in my week. Each is beautiful, gifted and priceless. If I could help them avoid some of the traps, if I could ease the journey along, I might write a letter like this:

Precious Girl;

1. You are enough. Don't try to fit in, or worry about who is popular, or if you are popular. The people who are worth knowing will recognize your value and cherish you. They are the people worth getting to know. Walk with your head held high.
2. 

   Learn to enjoy exercise. Don't exercise so you can look a certain way. Exercise to be healthy, strong, and confident. Exercise has the incredible ability to overcome stress and hormones and all sorts of crazy that sneaks into our thinking. Instead of reaching for ice cream, call a friend and play tennis, go for a walk, hit the gym. This habit will never let you down.
3. If some one doesn't treat you well, they do not deserve your loyalty. You should not be unkind in return. In fact always be kind, to everyone. But set boundaries, you deserve kindness and respect.
4. It is good to stand up for your self. Do not give into the pressure of doing what everyone else wants. It is alright to say what you would like to do or not do.
5. Find your soul sisters and hang on tight! They make this life all the better! They will laugh with you, cry with you, encourage and celebrate with you, just as you do with them. These are the girls who love you in-spite of your flaws and value you for your strengths. They believe in you and always defend you. You need these women to make it through this life!!
6. Never ever sacrifice your soul sisters for a boy. Boys come and go, soul sisters are for a life time!
7. Girls typically want to know if a boy finds them pretty. Of course they do! They just haven't got a clue how to say it! They wait until you won't see them look because they are scared. When they are a man, they will let it be known that they see your beauty.
8. What does it matter anyway? Your closest friends know you are beautiful, it is just a fact! Indisputable!!
9. Dress in a manner that you are comfortable with and communicates that you respect yourself. If you are not modest, you may attract attention, but like the girl my boys and I passed on the road, is it the quality of person and the kind of attention you want? It isn't about name brands or money but rather how you dress will communicate the level of respect you expect to receive.
10. 

    Do not, under any circumstances let fear get the best of you. It does not deserve that power in your life. On that note- don't fear or worry about what others are thinking, for the most part, they are too busy worrying about what others are thinking of them to be conscious of you.
11. If someone tries to make you feel small, it is because they are hurt and feel small themselves. Respond with dignity, grace, and compassion. Hurting them will only make them more mean. Do not accept the behavior, tell them kindly not to speak to you that way or do that to you. Do not take their behavior personally, it reflects their lack of character and pain. How you respond reveals your character.  
12. Going out in groups and seeing a person in many situations is a great way to determine if they are worth pursuing a friendship with. How do they respond to stress? How do they treat their famil, siblings, parents, grandparents? How do they respond when someone is frustrated with them? How do they act when they are angry? How do they treat others when they are angry? How do they treat service people? How they respond reveals character, that tells you if they are worth knowing better!
13. Date someone with the same beliefs and values as you. If you love hiking, swimming, cycling and being active, would you choose to marry a couch potato? If you love art, creativity and the aesthetic, would you date someone who did not see the beauty and value of it? Would you choose someone who discouraged you from it or did not want to share it with you and encouraged you in it? If you love God, align with someone who loves God. They will encourage, understand and seek that together with you. You share the deepest most meaningful intimacy if you do. That is worth it! Decide what you love and choose someone who loves the same things! Relationships are hard enough without adding in extra battles.
14. Learn to laugh, even at yourself. Then, keep laughing!
15. Enjoy the ride! When God has his rightful place in your life, even the bumpy bits, detours and washed out bridges turn out alright. Actually, they turn out better than alright!!

There is so much that is good in your lives. Please take time to be thankful for it. I also know your world is tough to survive. I know that there are wounds on your heart from the battle. Bring them to God!! I pray the truth of these words brings some healing. If you give him a chance, God will certainly bring healing. Even if you feel alone, you are not! You are deeply loved and treasured by the one who breathed life into you! You are loved by your family and so many others! I love you too!

Praying, freedom, joy and acceptance into your lives.
With Much Love, 
Lisa

When God Shows Up

A year ago, we started praying with our daughter to discern her next steps. In grade 11 at the time, she was preparing for the changes that were coming with next years graduation. She was overwhelmed. The numerous options, the desire she has to make right choices, her desires in what she wants to do were all tugging at her. The sheer number of opportunities were confusing the decision making process. 

Craig and I chose to introduce her to a pattern of prayer that God has worked powerfully through, for us, in the past. We had been in an extremely challenging point in our lives and praying for wisdom. We had many people saying many different things, only a few that were consistent with what we felt God was calling us to do. We were becoming desperately confused and hurt.  As we were struggling, we were reading a book called "Choose the Life" by Bill Hull. Right at our most desperate point, God lead us to this description of prayer which affirmed, so deeply, what we were feeling him call us to and how we had already begun to pray.

Choose the Life- Bill Hull

God Leads me in paths of Righteousness p.205

• spend extended times with God, Listen to his voice, dwell in his presence to build my passion and sensitivity to his Spirit. Ask him to reveal his plan and path.
• When I see God working out in front of me, I pray about that path whether it be invitations to teach, opportunities to serve or people sent into my life to help me see new paths.
• I ask God for a desire that is consistent with the proper path (Phil 2:13)  He works in me to will and then to work for his good pleasure. Is God putting the will in me to do some kind of work?
• I ask God directly about any desires and ideas I have. I hear his voice through the Scriptures, the counsel of others and circumstances
• I ask for God’s confirmation that the path is the right one through the supply of resources and personnel and opportunity 
• Only then do I take action

As we spent time in his presence, he told us to "Be Still. I will fight for you". This was different from what a number of people were saying.  Many felt we should be doing something, after all how can God direct something that is standing still? We heard that over and over. The reality was, God wanted us to be still and wait. He was getting ready to do something only he could do. 

We asked for opportunity. We asked for ways out. God blocked them, knowing we would run. He wanted us to stay and he knew we wanted to be in his will. He prevented opportunities from happening that would cause us to run to a path that was easier.

He gave us a desire consistent with what he wanted; however, only in hind sight was that truly confirmed for us. We tested it through times with him and the confirmation of those we trusted and were praying for us. 

God used the scriptures very persistently to affirm the words " Be still, I will fight for you." It is amazing how often that comes up in scripture. Especially in the Old Testament. The people who we knew loved us deeply, had petitioned God on our behalf and who chose to pray before speaking, all affirmed this. That helped us cut through the confusing voices and learn which ones to listen to. God is a God of unity and harmony. The people who spend time with him in regards to your situation will speak in unity and harmony.

God supplied what was needed for the task. As we sat and waited, one of the most difficult things we have ever done, God move mountains. Circumstances worked out in such a way that were miraculous. Outcomes occurred that could never have been accomplished by humanity. God showed up. We were thankful and so amazed at how he pulled things together.

In that situation we were called to wait. To do nothing. It was the hardest thing to do. We learned so many things through this. One of the lessons most impressed upon me was to not speak into someone's situation until I have prayed and discerned. It causes deep hurt and confusion to speak with human wisdom not having sought God. Sometimes God wants to display his power to us and requires that we sit and wait patiently for him. God cares about developing our character. He stretches our patient endurance and faith by showing up at the ninth hour. Don't lose heart.

This was the pattern we chose to introduce Sydney to. All things were pointing to Briercrest. Her desire to keep playing volleyball and study the Bible kept increasing. Opportunity opened up to tryout at Briercrest. The coach expressed a strong desire to work with her. A current setter decided to return to the team but the coach invited Sydney to red shirt, working towards a position. The people we asked to pray with us continued to affirm Briercrest. 

Regardless, there were a couple of opportunities that were confusing the situation, as well as the financial demands of education. The cost is big with room, board, tuition and books. Sydney has felt the burden of financial pressure deeply over the months. It was a heavy weight. She is an independent child and didn't want to depend on us for too much help. I kept encouraging Sydney that God wouldn't lead and not provide. We just need to present our need and pray asking for confirmation through resources.

As we attended her graduation ceremony on Friday we were filled to bursting with gratitude, joy and pride. She received two very great awards with generous financial gifts.  At the ceremony one opportunity had been taken away without warning. We were a little surprised but it was alright because it further confirmed attending Briercrest was the plan for her.

After the graduation ceremony, as we were enjoying refreshments before heading to dinner, Sydney got an email. It was from Briercrest. It was to inform her that she had received a scholarship. A big scholarship. Briercrest awards one scholarship per student. You can apply for the ones you are eligible for but are only able to receive one. The scholarship Sydney was awarded is potentially $22,000.  We were all overwhelmed. God showed up and he showed up big! I cannot find the words to express what it means to us. It is a huge response to her need. To our need. God has moved powerfully to build Sydney's faith and confirm he is capable of providing for her and looking after her. He has proven himself faithful. As her parents it is the confirmation of direction, the building of her faith and knowing that God knows her need and wants to provide for her that moves us so deeply. God has a plan and he will make it happen! Praise him for his love, provision and faithfulness. He is a good God! Words are not enough to describe him or his works. We are thankful and humbled. I was encouraged by others to share his goodness to us so that he receives the praise he is due. 

In sharing this, I pray readers will be encouraged that God is faithful and loving. He is aware of you and your need. He knows you by name and is just waiting to come through for you. He might not do it how you are expecting it. He may also take things away which can be terribly painful. He is working out a plan. May you know God is good and worthy of your heart and your trust. Thank you for celebrating His goodness with us! 

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Breaking Forth

 I love spring. I love to see the tiny green grass blades slowly make their way through the brown, crusty layer of last season's turf. I love to see the dull landscape transform. Buds start to form on the trees, they grow, colour seeps into them as they get bigger and bigger. The trees become tipped with bright spring green. Then almost over night the leaves come out, the grass is up and flower buds begin to form.  The slow transition finishes with what feels like the breaking forth of life.

I love that this season occurs as I run out of steam for the school year. Spring with its promise of new life. The promise that summer just about here. It gives me a little hope. A break is coming. Life will slow down. Summer, the sun, the lake, relaxing with friends and family is just around this corner!

This year is different. This spring my mind is dwelling on the transition. The transition between seasons, the transitions in life. Our daughter has her grade 12 convocation tomorrow. I thought I was fine. I thought I was prepared. This has been coming for years. It isn't like it surprised me. Then the right person, asked the right question at the wrong time and tears sprung, with out warning, to my eyes! Oh man!! What is that all about?!

First let me say, it has been fun getting ready. She is low key, she has her priorities straight and she has been amazing. Seriously! AMAZING!! 

I am excited for her. I don't want to hang on. I am thrilled to see what life is going to bring! I am full of excited anticipation about what God has for her! It is time and I am ready! 

I just think that as the flower grows and develops inside that flower bud, there is this point where it has to break open in order to bloom. I think that must hurt. As beautiful as it is, something has to break in order for there to be room for the flowers full bloom to be free. If a part of the bud refuses to let go, the flower is marred. It does not reach it's full beauty. It's potential isn't fully achieved.

I know you have heard me say that I have been loving the teen years. Not that they have been without struggle, or difficulty. But for the most part, these years have been great. Way better than I thought they could be. We have this fantastic thing going. I love life right now!! Even with it's bumps and bruises, it has been incredible!! Not perfect, but so, so, very fun!! 

As I process the transition we are in, I am grateful for what we have been given. As I look at the coming fall, sending our daughter on to college, I feel delight and grief. I love having her here, where I get to hear her laugh and smile. Close where I can hug her. I love how she gets on with her brothers, how she teases with us and shares herself with us. I love her wit, her mind, her faith. I completely identify with my friend who said " I feel like a child at a really great birthday party and I have to leave the party before I am ready to go!" That sums it up. That is what it is like. That is exactly what I am feeling.

For the next beautiful thing to happen, this phase will have to come to an end. Everything we are loving so much right now has to change. It has to. For the flower to bloom, the bud has to break. That hurts. That is why tears sprung to my eyes when the right person asked the right question at the wrong moment ;)

I want to manage this change of seasons well. I want to let the flower bloom completely. I don't want to be like the bud that doesn't completely break free, causing the flower to be disfigured.  I want to do this right. I want to do everything in my power to make sure that our first born, our family and this new season of life can reach it's full potential. I want to acknowledge the beautiful life we have had. But, I don't want to hang on to it so hard that I miss the beauty that is coming. I want to have a grateful heart and open hands to receive what is next. I am willing to go through the pain to get there, I am willing to break open so new beauty can break forth.

The Desert

I do not always recognize that I have a rebellious heart.  Generally, I enjoy cooperation and I understand the benefits of obedience. Every time I read through the history of the Israelites, I am reminded that I have the heart of a rebel.  When my heart is laid bare and I am willing to take an honest look at what is there. I see a heart that wants to make it’s own way.  

A while back, I was reading through the Israelites journey through the desert. I came to Exodus 16 and had to stop and think the scene through. This is where they forget everything that was horrible about being slaves and remember the abundance of food.  I have been mulling over this part of their journey and a few things stand out about the the Israelites.

1. Their first reaction is to grumble to Moses and Aaron.  They love to complain when things are not going well. They don’t ask God for what they need. They whine.
2. They lose heart when the going gets tough.  “If only we had died in Egypt.”  Really??? It would be better to be dead than free?  This seems awfully dramatic.  I know hunger is uncomfortable, awful, hard to bear.  They just walked out of a kingdom by the power of the Mighty God. They saw him protect them and wipe out an army.  Now they are hungry and they would rather be dead.  
3. They forget the pain of their previous situation and romanticize it, remembering only the good parts. This seems alarmingly ungrateful.
4. They quickly forget his faithfulness. He has just done a series of miraculous acts to free them and they seem unable to remember that.
5. They cannot even follow the simplest instructions.

There are a few things that stand out about God also:

1. God is patient. He doesn’t get upset with them. As I read through their history, I am always amazed at how he warns them and is patient. He gives them another chance.
2. He invites them into his presence. “Say to the Israelite community “Come before the Lord”. He desires for us to come to him. He wants to be invited into our journey.
3. He calls out their poor behavior “for he has heard your grumbling”. He isn’t going to let it slide, he calls their poor choices out very specifically every time. They are never in doubt about what they have done wrong. He does this to help them identify it and avoid it in the future.
4. God meets their need generously by providing manna for them to collect for food at dawn and quail at twilight. There is more than enough and a promise of more for the next day.

Along with this are some instructions for how much food to gather. They are told not to keep any until morning. The day before the Sabbath they are to collect double because no manna will appear on the Sabbath, they are to rest not collect and prepare food.

Could they follow these simple instructions? Surprisingly, NO!!! It says “Some paid no attention”. Some kept  the manna and found maggots in it in the morning. Some Israelites went out to collect on the Sabbath, and found none. God told them there would not be any, and they still went looking for it.

Even in this, God is patient. Again he gently calls out their behavior “how long will you refuse to keep my commands?”  Then he reminds them that he has given them the Sabbath for rest. It is a day for them to be free from the demands of life.  The rules are not to helps them but in fact are there to help them restore.

As much as I shake my head when I read this, I know that at my core, I have the heart of an Israelite. When I read through the Old Testament, I am humbled.  It is a good reminder to choose a better way.

1. I have to rule over my automatic responses and choose obedience.
2. When the going gets tough, I need to go to God.
3. I need to stop grumbling.
4. I need to bring my needs to God first.
5. I need to trust that he will meet my need. God will give me more than enough to survive and will show me the way.
6. I need to remember God’s ways are to help me. He is for me and wants what is best for me.
7. Even when I find myself walking in a desert, directionless, God will give me more than enough to survive and will show me the way.
8. God is patient, when I don’t do it right, he always gives me another chance.
9. I need to be grateful. I need to honor God with a thankful heart
10. I need to remember God has never let me down. Even if I am in a desert time, God has been faithful in the past and will always be faithful to me.

I can see that over time I am learning some of these things. I know there will be plenty of opportunity to develop them. I will face more deserts. I want to do better. I hope to do better! Though my heart is naturally rebellious, it is learning the the depth of joy that can be found in obedience.

Into The Deep

What do you do when you are hurting? How do you experience loss? How do you respond to disappointment? How do you respond when you are thrown into the deep?

Our small group explored the topic of grief and loss in our time together this week. Oddly, it comes right when I am processing some disappointments and losses. I was feeling vulnerable, raw. God has impeccable timing!

Our responses to grief, loss or disappointments can be healthy or not. We probably have some unhealthy "go to" reactions.  There are many options we prefer to a head on direct approach to coping with grief. We can deny it or distract with humour or other tactics. We can blame God, others or ourselves.  We can get angry or medicate. We can over-spiritualize, claiming all the promises all the while hiding from our pain. We can rationalize, intellectualize or minimize. My personal favourites are getting mad, I believe hostile was the term. YIKES! And blaming God. I know I "should" know better, but those are my default settings.   When side swiped by grief, loss or disappointment, that is my automatic response.

I don't know how many of us have actually consciously developed a theology of grief and loss. I hadn't until my first year of Bible School. The February before I started at Bethany I lost one of my best, life long, friends in a car accident. I couldn't wrap my mind around God being all powerful and allowing that to happen. I really struggled through it. I can't fill you in during one post, but maybe I can scratch the surface.

First, I had to realize that the way God created things broke when sin entered the world. Death was introduced when sin was chosen. Sin has a consequence and all of us are impacted by it.

Then I had to realize God didn't owe me a pain free life. Jesus warned me it would be tough. In John 16:33 he says “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

God won't allow the pain to be pointless if I run to him with it. In the first verses of James the author says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  

Even though it hurts I can be thankful and even experience a deep inner rest knowing that God will create beauty from ashes.

God isn't asking more of me than he himself has endured. He sent his son who became like a man. In human form, Jesus and endured all that we do and then more.  He took the sin of the world upon himself. In reality, I can't even comprehend how he could bear it, what that was like or even what the consequences for him during those dark days before he rose again were like.

As a group we looked to Jesus' example in Matthew 26: 31-44. There are a few things he does to handle his suffering and grief. He takes his closest friends with him. He identifies and faces his pain. He turns to God. He expresses his grief appropriately. This is not an exhaustive list. I am sure as you read the passage you will identify more healthy actions. I encourage you to.

What struck me initially was his example of humility and acceptance. In asking that this cup be taken, he is in essence asking to not be required to endure his present suffering. He identifies his grief telling his friends that he was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Jesus was experiencing crushing grief. It is what he says next that really grips me. He says the most astonishing thing. "Yet not as I will, but as you will."  As I read it, deep in my soul I realized that I want to respond to grief and loss that way.

It may seem strange. Imagine you are a parent. Imagine your child has no fear of water. Every time you are near water you are on high alert, ready to save them. Your child continually launches themself into the water and you are exhausted from rescuing them. You realize for your child to understand what is at stake, you need to let them experience it. The next time they launch themselves into the water, your hands are just out of reach, you let their head go under the water, you let them experience the danger. Then before they are injured you grab them. You lift that precious one out of the water and clutch them to your heart. As they wail from fright, you know deep down that they needed to experience the consequence. You know their new experience will create caution to help keep them safe and alive in the long run. As the child develops a healthy sense of danger, they grow and learn how to swim and navigate the deep.

God is like that loving parent. Sometimes he let's me go under the water, into a hard time. He uses that time to stretch me, shape me and grow me. He allows me to learn how to swim and navigate the deep. Sometimes it is his will that I go into the deep, in over my head. He does this for my own good just as a loving parent does with their own child in certain circumstances.   Sometimes what we endure is far from what God would want for us. It is the effect of living in a broken world. People choose sin and their sin affects those around them. As a parent, my kids have experienced pain that I wish they didn't have to go through. Just as I work to help my child see new life come from the brokenness, God does so for us. He works with us to create beauty from the ashes.

I want to cooperate with God in that. I want to handle grief, loss and disappointment the way Jesus did.  I don't want to automatically go to my default responses. I think following the example set by Jesus will benefit me and those whose lives I impact. It won't be easy. Some loss and disappointment is hard to face. Some of the pain is too overwhelming and scary. In the end I can honestly say that I want my response to God to be "may your will be done."

My Mom

I was about four. My Mom and I were down town walking to the library. The buildings around us were glass with a mirrored finish. I caught a glimpse of my Mom's reflection in the window.  I remember it as if it was yesterday. I almost gasped with a realization. My Mom was gorgeous! Not pretty, not average, she was stunningly attractive!  I was completely overwhelmed by her beauty. I started looking at other women, they were lovely, just not as lovely as my Mom. I quickly grabbed her hand and held on possessively. She was my Mom and I was so proud of that! I was walking down the street with the most beautiful woman on the planet. Even better than that, she was my Mom! Mine! It was a profound moment etched on my little heart. I so clearly remember the intensity of the feelings that flooded my soul.

God knew what he was doing when he gave me my Mom. She possessed skills and wisdom that were not part of my make up. She would send me to look for something and I wouldn't be able to see it. Inevitably she would bring me back to look with her. She could spot in a second what I couldn't see in 5 minutes of searching. Well, gazing. Well OK, day dreaming. She would show me how she looked, hoping one day I might implement the tools. She was a detail person while I am better at big picture. When that realization dawned on her she questioned with confusion "How could that be?!" From the other room my Dad said "Because she is my daughter too!". I laughed so hard while my Mom probably welled up with concern for my future ;) Mom taught me how to be thorough, how to manage money. She taught me by example how to manage a home and balance a job. She empowered us from early on. By six we were making our lunches and cleaning our rooms. Soon we were also cleaning bathrooms. Eventually, I looked after laundry while my sister cooked one meal a week. She taught us how to do everything efficiently. Everything she did was well thought out and done in the most effective manner. Without her, I am not sure I would have learned a lot of that as early as I did. I may not have even learned it at all!

There is so much about my Mom that I could brag about! Something I have valued more and more over the years is how my Mom played with us! We cross country skied as a family and when my sister and I took up downhill skiing, Mom was determined not to be left behind. She took herself out to a ski hill and tried it. She came back so excited that she talked Dad into trying. Very few people my age had a Mom on the ski hill. When friends from Bible school asked me to go on a ski trip to

Banff with them, I was ecstatic. To my surprise and horror, their Mom's were going to come and cook for us!! I thought they should be on the hill having a good time. I felt so guilty having all the play time and then eating up their hard work. I couldn't even picture my Mom staying back to cook, it would never happen. Not in a million years. It was then that I really realized how incredibly rare and special it was to have my Mom on the ski hill with me.  When my kids were little we went to the BMX track. While I was setting the kids up to go, all of a sudden we were hearing "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!" I turned around to see my mother riding Craig's bike. A bike not even I had a chance to jump on yet. There she was going over the whoops! Awesome!!! My Mom also slalom skied with us. To this day she holds the record for best technical deep water start. That is another sport my Mom was among the few in her generation to become accomplished at. She was such an inspiration. At 60, Mom joined a boot camp and totally rocked it!! She has lived athletically with an adventurous spirit and given us a lot to live up to!  Her example of trying new things and making an effort to play with us has shaped the way I parent.

My Mom was selfless. She lived with orange counter tops and yellow shag carpet until I was seventeen. What is even more amazing was that I had no idea that she desperately disliked it. She never complained. I honestly had no idea. She did without so that we could camp and take a trip to Disneyland and go to Hawaii. She lived in a home that did not fit her style and she did so with incredible grace.

Mom was an Operating Room nurse by profession. She would share the interesting things they did at work and I loved hearing the stories. She would have some stressful situations and awkward sleeping hours and that made for crazy dreams. Between her work and dreams about work, we had interesting table discussions. It was something for our husbands to adjust to. Luckily, Craig was fascinated by Mom's stories and showed such interest that Mom arranged a tour through the OR.  We both enjoyed it immensely.

Mom would pull my hair back and rub my back when I was sick to my stomach. She would make me tea at night when my chronic cough prevented me from sleeping. Her nursing skills were great for every day mothering situations and I always felt safe when she responded calmly to a physical ailment. She just went into nursing mode! This became incredibly apparent when I was having labor induced for the birth of our second child. I was experiencing contractions when I heard my Mom's voice. Her nursing duties had called her to Labour and Delivery and she was talking to her colleagues at the nurses station. Amidst all the beeping machines, bustle of nurses and all the other commotion that was part of the old LDR, I immediately heard my Mom's voice. What struck me was how just the sound of her voice relaxed and calmed me even in the middle of a contraction. I quickly asked Craig to call her. She slipped in to see us and she and Craig immediately started laughing at me.  They said it was funny how I crinkled my face as I had a contraction. She was in full "Mom mode", horrified that I was walking on the hospital floor in bare feet. While I knew it was awful, I couldn't handle having hot feet in my current state. She thought maybe the OR booties might be airy enough.  Later, when labor was in full swing, Mom asked her good friend if he would be available to do my epidural. Because of the adrenaline, my body got jumpy which made me giggly and at first only one side of me was numbed. My water broke at a very timely moment, just as Mom and Craig were biting into their hamburgers and in the end all we can remember is laughing through most of Quin's delivery. It was very special to have Mom as a part of Quin's arrival. One of my favorite pictures of that day is where she is checking on her newest grandson with the sweetest look of delight on her face.

Mom is an incredible seamstress. She sewed cloths for us when we were growing up. We always had new dresses for Christmas and Easter. She made amazing gowns for our graduations and weddings. She is detailed and skilled. She is the best seamstress and tailor I know. Her finishing is impeccable! She made the perfect dress for my wedding. It was absolutely everything I wanted. She made my dream come true and she spent countless hours making it happen. She laboured with love and it has been a gift I have treasured. 

She has been an AMAZING Grandma! My friends were always amazed at how generous with her time she was to us and our children,. She was the rockin' Grandma who had three car seats in the back of her car. She had a play pen and bicycles for all of my kids that she had found at garage sales. She played with her grandchildren too. They remember her water-skiing, snow skiing, snow shoeing and swimming with them. They marvel at how she can't sit still and tease her that she has never seen a whole TV show. One day Mom mentioned that she, like Connor, was afraid of homes for old people. Craig jokingly told her to just head into the bush when she was ready to die and we would come look for her body in a week or so. Quin piped up quickly and said " That won't work! By then she will have built a cabin, started a garden and would be Alpha of a wolf pack!" We all had a giggle and my Mom looked a little uncertain. I quickly let her know that from a teenage boy that was an incredible compliment. A compliment I can only dream my Grandchildren would say of me!

My Mom wanted nothing more than to be the consummate mother. She was for me, even though she wasn't perfect. I remember as a young girl being sent to my room when I disobeyed. As a little girl, I was totally humbled when my Mom would come to me and apologize. If she felt she hadn't handled the situation properly, she never failed to immediately seek our forgiveness. The first time I remember her doing this, my mind was spinning, I was thinking "Is this really happening? Is she apologizing to me? I am a kid, she is my Mom! Why would she apologize?!" The significance was not lost on me. She showed me how to acknowledge my sin and repent. She taught me humility. Mom also taught me how to be teachable. She receives correction with grace and considers it honestly.  She is willing to acknowledge her weaknesses and grow. In this, she also shows humility. She is generous and in our years as young parents raising three small children on a Pastor's salary, she would say to me "Let us bless you, don't deny us the joy of being generous!". She is a beautiful woman of God with endless gifting and energy to serve and help others practically. Her deep love for me was always obvious. She lived her faith before us with integrity. She has been a beautiful example of how to live as a godly woman who seeks The Lord.

I love you Mom! If anyone says to me "You are like your Mom" it is one of the most precious compliments I could ever receive!! XOXO

Do I Dare?

Have you ever carefully wrapped up a dream and tucked it so deeply into your heart that you can barely conceive of drawing it out and peeking at it? Have you ever become so comfortable with it tucked away in your heart that the world feels right with it carefully hidden away there? The kind of dream that you have held in your heart for so long that it has become part of you? A dream so secret you carry it unconsciously? I am talking about a dream so carefully swaddled that you have stopped thinking about it. A dream that when something happens to remind you of it, you are almost surprised it is still there. The kind of dream that when you are reminded of it's existence, the thought of peeking at it scares you. Do you have a dream that you haven't hoped for or spoken of in years?

I have a dream like this. About ten years ago I wrapped it up. Carefully. I had to hide it away because my heart couldn't bear to hope any more. I felt that to cling to it was more harmful than helpful at the time. I knew that for now we were being called to walk a hard road and that learning how to do that was what our effort had to go to. At least for now. So I took that dream and carefully wrapped it up. Then I tucked it way down into the depths of my heart. To that safe place. To that place where I could hold it but not let go of it. Down in the secret place where I could keep it safe and yet forget it. It became part of me, yet I could pretend it was not there. 

A couple of weeks ago I was in a situation where I was reminded it was there. 

My first instinct was to tuck it back down where it had lain for a decade. Maybe if I did that quickly, I could forget it was there again.  I could push it away and go on as I had for ten years. I was comfortable with it hidden there in the depths of my heart. I wasn't ready to look at it.

At the time I wrapped up the dream and tucked it away because the timing was wrong for it. Part of why I love having it tucked away is that there is no risk. When it is hidden away, my heart is safe. When it is hidden in the depths of my heart I am not vulnerable. As soon as I pull the dream out, my heart dares to hope. In hope there is risk. What if I that hope consumes me again? What if when the dream is not achieved quickly I feel disappointment. What if my hope is met with a path I don't like? What if? There is so much on the line that "what if" is too scary to face. What if I am not strong enough to hope again?

It is too late. 

That situation tugged at the dream. It is uncovered now. It lays there, out in the open. It is stubbornly refusing to be tucked away. It will not let me wrap it up and store it away in the depths to be forgotten. It doesn't matter if I feel vulnerable. It doesn't matter if I am not strong enough to risk hope. It is out of my hands. I feel raw and exposed. I am uncomfortable. Everything feels different, off, out of place. I feel unsettled.

I am uncertain. I am scared.

How do I hold the dream loosely? How to I keep from anticipating an outcome? How do I hope without falling to despair? How do I stay afloat when the way doesn't look like what I was expecting? How do I dream without demanding? How do I do this right?

I already know it may be messy. I don't like messy. I know it might hurt. I don't really care for that much either. Honestly, I liked it better when the dream was wrapped up, tidy and tucked away safely. I am not sure I am ready to step into this again. No one asked me. It all just happened. Here I stand. I am facing the unknown. 

But, I am not alone. 

The One who awakened the dream again is with me. I may not know what is coming, but I know Him! He is good. He is trustworthy. He is faithful. He is full of grace and mercy towards all and his loving kindness endures forever. He will handle my vulnerability with tenderness and care. He will show me how to hope again.  He will give me what I need. When my strength runs out, he will help me continue. And so, while I don't know what will happen, I am secure because I know my Savior. And because I know my saviour, I will follow where he leads. Because I trust him,  I will dare to dream this dream again.