Taking It Slow

What is summer to you?  For me it is the time where life's pace changes. It is when things slow down. We reconnect, rejuvenate, and reevaluate.

Sometimes the pace of life is so driving from fall to spring that by the time summer comes, I just need to get my feet under me again. I need things to slow down. I need to relax and just be with my family and friends.  For me, summer gets that balance in place again. We love being at the lake together, skiing, paddle boarding, kayaking, swimming. There is a mix of introverts and extroverts in the family so some of the times are just us and some of those times are with friends. It is so much fun to have friends out there. It gives us a few hours with nothing but play on the agenda. That is life giving to me. Hanging out, catching up. I really love how summer offers that rhythm. 

It rejuvenates me having a simplified schedule again. Back to the basics of work and play. The kids fell in love with Indoor Volleyball which doesn't compete with lake time. By the time their competitive season winds down in Spring, I am itching to get the lake. That simplified schedule really helps me refuel. They love being at the lake and so it gives us the opportunity to keep the schedule free. This year they didn't even want to go away for a holiday, they just wanted to sit right here and ski as much as possible. Anything 20 degrees and above with low wind is a lake day, off we go! At the lake I don't have to look at the laundry that needs folding, or the ceiling that needs painting, it is just play time. My parents bought the lot back when I was a little girl. It faces west which is incredible with our long Northern days. It is close enough that even after work we can drive out and "get away". I am ready for fall if we have had enough time out at the lake. It makes all the difference for me. We are terribly spoiled and I don't take it for granted at all. 

Summer gives me space to contemplate where I have been spending my time and prayerfully consider what changes might need to happen the coming fall.  It is a chance to evaluate what is defining our time as a family and make some changes that way too. Fewer commitments open up time for such contemplation. It is a good chance to relax and sit with the ideas and thoughts. There is no rush, I don't try to fix it, I just try to listen to God's direction. His direction is solid.

This summer is going to be a little different. It looks like I may have a tear in my rotator cuff. It happened during a family outing of extreme snow shoeing ;)  I won't be able to play with the kids like I usually do. It is another summer without water skiing, paddle boarding, kayaking. This time, I cannot even do swim strokes. I can hold floaty and kick. I am hoping to get fast enough to swim across the lake with the kids. We'll see if I am successful. I will admit that my attitude isn't the greatest right now, but I am trying to figure it out. I am going to try to take life a little slower. I am going to post once a week for the summer.  I am going to learn to take breaks during my work day to ice and heat my rotator cuff. I am going to take time to reconnect, rejuvenate, and reevaluate.  I am going to figure out a way to enjoy what summer has to offer without the recreation I usually enjoy. I am going to try taking it slow.  

The Problems With Perfection

I have come to view perfectionism as an illness. It is a symptom of a strength taken to it's extreme. At that extreme, it turns on you and becomes a weakness. My perfectionism reared it's ugly head when I got married and grew to monstrous proportions as I entered College and University.  It produced the results I wanted and so through those years, I embraced it. I began to see it for what it was in my first couple of years of being a new Mom. At that point, I took it on as an area I wanted to change. I worked at it with all my might. 

This is why:

1. I was hard on myself. I knew it. I didn't recognize how damaging it could be until I had little eyes watching me. All of a sudden I saw my behavior from another perspective. I didn't want my little ones to learn it from me. I did not want my kids to learn to be too hard on themselves. I thought they were already wonderful, I didn't want them to see themselves any other way. That was not the example I wanted to set for them. It was then that I realized my perfectionism did not honor God, it satisfied my ego.

2. Perfectionism is undefinable and therefore unattainable. I realized that it could change depending on what was important to me, what I was feeling and what I thought were expectations of me. Perfection isn't based in reality and therefore it is not achievable. I don't want my kids spending all that energy trying to reach a goal that cannot be reached.

3. I wanted my kids and husband to know they are enough. If I am unreasonably hard on myself, my family may think they need to live up to those ridiculous standards too. Though I don't say it, my behavior will communicate it and they will feel that pressure. I don't want that need to work for my approval to be something they feel they need to strive for, they already have my full approval!!

4. Perfectionism takes time away from the important stuff. It is possible to spend too much time on a task in the pursuit of achieving perfection. I love having a tidy, clean, well kept home. You know, one that doesn't look like anyone lives there. I learned that spending time making memories with my family was way more important than cleaning my house. I allot a certain amount of time to cleanliness,the rest is for my family, then ministry and work. They need to know they are more important to me than my "stuff" and other things.

5. My best effort is all I can do. I need to show my kids by example that if that is all you can do, it is enough. That means not fixing their asymmetrical art project or leaving some clutter about sometimes. If it means some of the nice "Martha Stewart" touches don't happen when we entertain, it is alright! . My effort is the measure of success not the outcome. That is why we downplay grades and rave about report card comments and effort in our home. That is where the really meaningful stuff is!!

6. I want my kids to know mistakes are alright. Mistakes are not the end of the world. Mistakes are actually very helpful. They teach us so much. I always breath a sigh of relief when our kids can share a disappointment or mistake with us. It means they know their value doesn't come from what they do. It also gives us a chance to walk with them, comfort them and help them learn what they can from it. Mistakes are part of being human, they are inevitable and my kids need to learn how to make them and recover from them. That is why we focus more on effort than outcome. Grades do not mean as much as work effort comments.

7. Perfectionism makes the soul agitated. Going crazy over little stuff causes confusion about what is really important. I have my crazy moments still. Sometimes living with things not up to my perfectionist standard gets to me, I admit it. But if I was to live that way every day, it would communicate the wrong values to my kids. Safety, morality, character, those are things worth the energy, and, depending on the circumstance, worth the crazy. Pillows out of order on the couch or paper work lying around? Not worth getting crazy about.  When I do get frustrated about those things it means I need to pull back and get myself grounded again.

8. Perfectionism can be a waste of time and effort. If an assignment is worth 5%, give it the appropriate amount of time and effort. We all have an internal gauge of what is appropriate. Using up too much time on something that doesn't require that much effort steals away from other, often more important things. In the end, the stress and impact are not worth it. I am accountable for my time, I want to use it well.

9. There is always an unconscious evaluation happening, either comparing effort to someone else or something that was previously achieved. Comparison does not allow for the acceptance or acknowledgement of success and effort. If my child gives their best effort and gets a C, I am more proud than if they get an A+ with little to no effort. Hard work is more important than perfection.

10. Perfectionism leads to misery. It it is not achievable and therefore leaves people feeling judged, incompetent, inadequate and pressured to always do more and be better. It leads to endless striving because it attacks our self worth. Perfection is never satisfied, never content.

When our children were little, Craig and I both made a conscious effort to lay down the idol of perfection. We saw tendencies in each of our children and quickly realized the damage, cost and weakening of relationships it causes. We are not completely over it, but we are all making good headway. It was a worthy effort. Our children know the trap of perfectionism. While they are not fond of mistakes and still try to avoid them, they are beginning to see mistakes do not cause the world to crash and explode. They know our love for them is for who they are and not what they do. Who they are is more than enough.  Those are just a few reasons for why we chose to replace perfectionism with giving our best. 

My First Hero

My Dad was my first hero. He was the most handsome, athletic, strong rescuer out there. I adored him and still do.

My earliest memories are of him playing with us. Tickle fights, wrestling. He always had time for us and we knew it. When we were young, his job took him out of town sometimes. He never came home empty handed. He always had a present for us. If his plane flew in late, I was often too excited to fall a sleep. He would always come in and give me a hug and a kiss goodnight on the forehead.  He was always kind and patient with us. He was the definition of self-control. I honestly do not remember him ever losing his temper or yelling at us.

Dad made his family his priority. We were very secure in that. He was offered promotions, was approached for management positions and turned them down. When I was older and asked him why, it was because he wanted to save his energy for us and his church family. He had no need to prove his worth through climbing the corporate ladder. He even turned down opportunities to  relocate to places like Ottawa and the Philippines because my sister and I were horrified at the thought of moving.  He sacrificed his desire for change and adventure to provide us stability. He truly loved us and led his family as God called him to. He laid down his life, his dreams, his desires and put us first. Every time! I honestly don't know a lot of men who can do that with the same level of commitment, joy and certainty. He wasn't resentful, he embraced his decisions fully and never looked back, at least as far as we knew.  He seemed to really enjoy his work, his peers and he provided very well for our family. Looking back I realize how much he gave up for us and there is no adequate way to say thank you. He has loved us so well.

Dad knew playing was fundamental to family life. He prioritized holidays and I have always appreciated that. Every summer we looked forward to camping. Countless great memories and stories come from those times together. That is where my love of road trips began.  When we were young, Dad and Mom invested in a lake lot and boat. Every day that was 20 degrees or hotter, rain or shine, was spent out there. He loves driving boat for anyone to ski, wake board, or even tube. He is a patient instructor and greatly enjoys the success of his students. Dad is social and generous. He loves it best when friends come along and play with us. He gently and determinedly encouraged me to ski, until I was ready, he came up with other creative things for me to do behind the boat. Before there were tubes there was "The Red Board". He designed it, built it out of plywood and painted it a bright red. I could sit, kneel or stand on it and from there a hydro slide didn't seem so intimidating. He told me once I water skied I could go to Dairy Queen and get a Peanut Buster Parfait, an extravagant treat at that time. I was stubborn and not until my cousin, who was like a brother to me, got up on skis did I decide that I could do it too. We both got a parfait that night. Dad wanted to share what he loved with us and always worked hard to get us involved.

Cross country skiing is what Dad grew up with and we did it as a family when I was younger. The long skis were hard for me to control, the hills scared me and in general I hated it. Dad would send everyone ahead and let me set my pace. He was patient and encouraging with my horrible, pouty attitude. He would stay calm and make it as fun as I would let him. He never made me feel bad. I remember being last coming down the mountain in the dark, skiing between his skies. He would gently talk too me to keep me calm. I was terrified because it was steep and I couldn't see it was so dark. Everyone else impatiently waiting for us at the bottom.  He defended me and never let them tease me. I was maybe 5 or 6. Winter after winter he would do this with me. Until I was 10, I fell on a downhill section and ripped all the soft tissue in my knee. I never cross country skied again. However, when my sister and I fell in love with downhill skiing, though reluctant at first, he gave it a shot. He got injured his first time out but was already hooked. We got equipment after that and every weekend the weather allowed, Dad got us on the hill and we skied. He was the driving force to get us out there, the night before, he prepped our skies and got our gear in order. He would wake us up, feed us and usher us into the car. His passion built our passion. If we struggled to love something he loved he would try to make it easier to engage in. When that failed, he developed an interest in something we liked. I love him so much for this.

Dad loves to sing, he has the greatest bass voice. I loved it in church if we sang some of the hymns that had really creative bass lines. He would sing them so incredibly well. He loved choir and singing in men's groups. He knew enough guitar to pull it out and sing with us in the basement once in a while. I loved those times. Singing and  making music in the family was very special to me. We had birds for pets growing up. I think they loved Dad best, he would wake up and whistle to them in the morning and they would chirp along. We absolutely loved having those silly birds out and if Dad came into the room, they would try to fly and land on his shoulder. He did not like the droppings they would sometimes leave and so if he saw them coming he would hit the ground to avoid having them land on him. It was the funniest thing. We would laugh ourselves silly to see him flat out on the floor just to avoid those silly birds. Then he would talk in a scolding voice to scare them off. He added music to our home and I loved it!

Dad was also our resident funny man. When I was 4, he had me convinced that the tow truck was a vehicle that was made to come and get my big toe. He was always cracking jokes and the funniest was when he would bust out a dance move. Even better, was when he would swing us up into his arms and dance around the living room with us. There were a few songs he would randomly start singing which we knew would lead to  going to hug, tickle and harass Mom. This inevitably got squeals of laughter and delight from my sister and I.

I was so proud when our neighborhood presented Dad with a "Handyman" award. He was always available to help anyone. He was a "Jack of all Trades" and was generous with all he had. He saved a lot of money by doing things himself and he did them well.

Dad was very committed to our church family and volunteered faithfully in various roles. He has always been a spiritual giant to me.  His discipline in reading the Bible. His knowledge and conviction, and his passion for those who don't know Jesus were huge formative influences in my life. He would talk about co-workers asking him questions about God at work, he would be so excited about the opportunity to share. He has always been full of love, grace and compassion for others. He has lived his faith before us authentically and honestly. His relationship with God is real, deep and vital. In living out his faith, especially in how he was with us, Dad made knowing God very attractive. 

Dad was always available to talk. He loved answering our questions about life and faith. He would explain carefully how he had formed his conclusions. He would stop in the middle of mowing the lawn to answer a question or talk with us. Even when he was busy with something in his work shop or reading the news paper, he would stop doing what he was doing to give us the chance to talk with him. I loved to hear him talk with my Grandfather or friends about Theological topics. No matter what he was doing, we always came first. Dad was approachable and available.

Dad always believed in me. He studied with me. Prayed for wisdom with me. He knew I had a lot to offer and even though I struggled with confidence, he always made sure I knew he thought I could do it. I remember in College phoning him and saying with great surprise that I got an "A" in math. I couldn't believe it! Dad wasted no time in letting me know that he always knew I could.

I was born early and had trouble with my lungs, it was unsure that I would survive. My Grandparents would tell me stories about how hard that was. How scared my parents were. When I was three, I almost drowned. While pulling a prank on a friend, Dad came upon me submerged and all blue. He fished me out of the water and somehow they got me breathing. I had a couple of close calls and Dad would always tell me "God saved you for something!". He taught me that I had purpose. Dad taught me that life is about so much more than getting a fancy house and the accumulation of things. He taught me that everyone we meet and everything we do has a purpose in God's kingdom. He taught me that the life worth living was the life that was obedient to God. He lived on mission and taught me to as well.

He has been an amazing Grandfather. He was involved, caring and attentive when the kids were little. He was so eager to hold them the day they were born. When they were lethargic, feverish and teething, they lay in Grandpa's arms while we sponge bathed, medicated and worried. We went down to help Gail and Steve get the farm house ready for moving in. While we painted, Dad was on kid duty. He did a great job! He spent hours on the water in the boat with them. It was our play pen on water and he loved being there with them. He drove boat for them while they learned to wake board and water ski. He never says no when they ask for a pull. He spent time coaching Quin in hockey. He is committed to coming to their games and tournaments for volleyball. He and Mom made it to most of their out of town tournaments. He has given their teams great pep talks. Dad often sees their potential and their teammates abilities. He has encouraged them in their endeavors and been there to cheer them on. He has made it a priority to be there to play with them too.

I could write so much more. God knew Dad was the father I needed. Perhaps I made him sound a little too perfect. He was perfect for me. They say if you have a great Dad, you often marry someone who is a lot like him. I do have a great Dad. I married a man very much like him. Dad is the best of men. He taught me that real men have integrity, faith, passion for God and for life and that they love others well. I love him so much for the man that he is, for the Father and Grandfather he is. He lives life well. He has set an example worth following. I love you so much Dad. Thank you for everything you have done and continue to do. Your deep love for your family is known by all of us. You are a remarkable man. You are still my Hero! 

Soul Sisters!

I have taken the week off. It is needed down time to give an injury some time to heal. It is time to regroup. This time of year is crazy with school wrapping up. Kids are tired and cranky. Parents are barely keeping all the balls in the air. Honestly, had I not had the foresight to see the need, I may be losing my mind right now.

Instead, I carved out some time to fill my soul, clear my head and gain back a little ground physically.

Whew! Am I ever glad!   

My goal was to keep this time free of "I have to" commitments. I have succeeded at this. For me, this is a massive victory. I am glad I have achieved this goal! Yay me!!!

I have filled my days with life giving engagements. Reading, photography, exercise, gardening, and studying theology ( I know, let it go, to each their own!). And the best part? Dates with friends!! I have kept it to a bare minimum, so I didn't get to visit with all my friends. I tried to pace myself.  I kept it on the slow side. The very slow side. It was hard because I have a number of people I want to connect with. 

I am not a true introvert or extrovert. As a child I was naturally introverted. I think both my parents would agree on that. Yet, as I grew, I realized that I looked forward to times with friends and found that could be energizing sometimes also. Being a mix, the balance is tricky and I don't quite fit either group well. I like being in a group sometimes, but not a large one. To be really honest, the foyer at our church scares the living day lights out of me. No kidding!  I don't do small talk well. I get flustered, wonder if I am keeping some one too long. I can manage a great array of questions that can keep someone else talking. Then I wonder if I have gotten too personal and if they want to escape. I love learning about people. Unfortunately, this can leave someone scared and wondering if they have exposed way to much of themselves. What I really love is unhurried, relaxed, person to person, heart conversation. That is where the gold is!

This week, the few times with friends have been really good for my soul! It is so great to visit, catch up and then share what is happening at a deeper level. There is something that is very life giving about deep, real, honest conversation. As women, we generally know we need it. It is such a gift to have people in my life who I can trust. People who will love even my unlovely side. I have been blessed with many incredible, dear friends. Even though we do not see each other as often as we wish, we know we are there for each other.  I have come to realize through my life how precious these friendships are. I cherish them. I know I will work hard to keep them. 

They are a mercy given for this journey of life. What a treasure they are. They are my soul sister's. I am beyond grateful for them. I am so blessed by them. They have made this journey so much richer. I would live in the snow capped Arctic just to be with them. We have encouraged each other, strengthened each other, laughed and cried with each other. We have been through the best and worst of times together. All of it has been made more meaningful because we have lived it together, because we have survived it together. 

I am a better wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend because of them.  They have helped me learn and grow. They have challenged me, seen situations differently, brought different life wisdom and experience to the mix. Together their lives have enriched me by bringing diversity and breadth. Their skills, perspectives, histories and personalities have all tumbled out into this beautiful well of support and discernment. What a treasure!! 

It is worth the risk of exposing yourself to find these friends. You may get hurt along the way, but finding them makes it worth it in the end!  I love you girls! You know who you are. I may or may not have had the chance to be with you this week, regardless, you are a treasure to me.  My life is so much richer because of your part in it. Thank you for sharing yourself with me! Thank you doesn't seem an adequate expression of appreciation, but it is all I have. It will have to be enough. Love you!! I thank The Lord for you! I think I need pictures with you!

Raising Kids: How We Approached "The Birds and The Bees"

I grew up in an unusual home. My mother, being a nurse, approached topics like puberty, intercourse and everything else in a very calm, factual manner. I didn't realize how unique that was until working with youth and young adults.

When we asked her where puppies came from, or kitties. She asked us if we wanted to know where human babies came from as well. When the answer was yes, we trucked off to the library and came home with age appropriate books. When kids scandalously asked me if I knew what S.E.X was, I couldn't figure out why they were whispering or why they thought if was dirty.  Mom had beat them to the punch and made it an acceptable topic. A topic that didn't need to be whispered about or hidden from.

When our kids approached that age, we did like wise. We went to the library and got a book. We talked calmly and without shame. We used proper names for body parts. We treated is as a safe topic in our home.

If you have a quiet child, you may be the one who needs to bring it up. Usually around 5 years of age is when they start to wonder where puppies and kittens come from.

By being the first to talk with me, Mom accomplished a few incredibly valuable things.

1. She became my source for reliable information.
2. She earned the right to share her values with me.
3. She set the tone making talking about sex something that wasn't shameful.
4. She made herself approachable.
5. She made me realize I could approach her about anything, nothing was off limits
6. She normalized it. I had no trouble talking with my kids because she made it normal. The boys can go to Craig because we made it normal.They now know they can come to us. It is normal, sometimes they are embarrassed, sometimes we need to open the door again. It has to be normal.

Our children are growing up in a hyper sexualized world. It is having a damaging effect. We need to be a step ahead. We need to arm ourselves with knowledge. We need to make ourselves their source of information. We need to be calm, factual and nonjudgmental. We need to shower them with unconditional love!

The impact and resulting damage of porn on young men and women is starting to create a health crisis. Our boys, and yes I mean boys, 11-12 year olds are boys, and are likely already exposed to porn even in-spite of all the safe guards you have put in place. What they are exposed to in watching porn is becoming what shapes their arousal, expectation and appetite.  Girls are beginning to think they have no choice. If they want to be in control of their own bodily functions as adults, they need to have their power given back to them. This is not a subject we can stick our heads in the sand on. We have got to engage. If you are not convinced, please read this article.

It isn't too late. Your kids are not too old for you to take on this topic. Dive in and blunder on. Pick a topic and a time frame, weekly, every other week. At some point your kids will take over and drive the conversation. It is up to you to show them that they can!

A few resources we found helpful were:

A Bed For The Night

You know those moments when you are tumbling through time. Profound things are happening and so much is spinning in your mind that there is no way to possibly put words to it?

That is me today.
Again.

I spent the afternoon at the Fire Pit cutting hair for the street people and homeless of our city.I am overwhelmed by the stories I hear. Pain, violence, loss.  They speak of situations and circumstances that are beyond my comprehension.  Who takes a baseball bat to the head of another human? A teenager no less?!

I see resiliency.  I am amazed that they have the strength to wake up and face another day.It honestly astonishes me! How do they do it?

They sit and visit with each other as I cut hair. "Give him a mohawk!!"  " You took too much off the top!"  An uproar of laughter breaks out. I joke with my client saying "Everyone has an opinion!" To which they reply "I'm going to come with a mullet wig one day!"   They know that humor is healing. I love to hear them laugh and joke. I feel accepted when they laugh and joke with me.

They so deeply appreciate the gift of a free haircut.  Genuine appreciation. "Thanks so much, it helps so much to get a haircut!"

It seems so small, so very little in the face of such enormous need.

I ache thinking of the girl who has hoped each night for the last 5 years that there will be room at the shelter for her at  night.

I hurt for those who are mourning the tragic loss of their friends.

I have no idea what it is like to live their harsh reality. I have no idea what it is to wonder where I will sleep at night. Will it be safe? Will I be turned away? Will there be a bed for me for that night?

I cringe when I hear people say;
"They can get off the street!"
"There is lots of work, they should just get a job!"
"I don't feel sorry for them, they can choose to change their life!"
"Why does their kid have an iPhone when mine doesn't?"

It isn't that easy. When we say things like that, we assume way too much. We assume they possess the same basics we have been privileged to have been raised with. We assume they have been given the same opportunity. That they have the resources enabling them to use opportunity. Maybe it hurts so much to live that to have an iPhone makes it not seem so bad.  Maybe they just don't have what we got to face life.

They don't.
Life isn't fair.
They got a crappy deck of cards. They are doing what they have the ability to do.
There, but for the grace of God, go I.

I pray we will develop compassion. I pray that there will be increased love. I pray that as fellow humans we will not be satisfied to just let you continue to hope there will be a bed at a shelter for you tonight. I pray as a society we will be burdened by the plight of our brothers and sisters. I pray we will have wisdom to see what help will truly be helpful. I pray our own comfort and affluence will make us uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough to reach out.

It All Happened So Fast!!

I can't get going today. I feel stuck in time, unable to move.

I spent the morning scrolling through old pictures to find a shot of Sydney and a friend from back when they were in grade 1 or 2.

Truthfully... I am a Hot Mess!

Whew! What a weekend! I didn't post yesterday. I was recovering from Prom preparations. Then a crazy bunch of amazing girls spent the night.

We made it through brunch and spent the rest of the day trying to catch up on lost sleep.

We did it! We made it through prom!! It was amazing to watch S with her friends, all dressed up. I cannot put words to all of what has/is happening in my heart and mind right now. That could be the result of only 4 hours of sleep.

First. Our daughter was so reasonable and easy to work with in preparing for prom. She displayed great character. She was thoughtful of others, had proper priorities. She viewed prom appropriately as a fun evening, nothing more. She has surrounded herself with friends who are amazing young women. They are are intelligent, confident, loyal and kind. They love to laugh, have fun, they just "get" each other.  For these things, we are so thankful. They all looked absolutely stunning! It is something, really difficult to put into words to see a daughter dress up. To reveal her beauty in a formal way. Wow, just WOW.

Somehow in the last few years, this has happened!! What I lack in words, pictures will have to tell.

I am thankful! Overwhelmed with gratefulness.

I am thankful for so much through these years and the many things we have done together:
Bath time
Story time
Blowing bubbles
Tea parties
Coloring
Sledding
Play dough
Playing pretend and dress up
Starting school
Making new friends
Learning the alphabet
Imagination games
Learning
Chalk drawing
Learning to read
Down Hill Skiing
Spelling
Riding bikes
Playing at the park
Field trips
Playing at the lake
Learning to print
Soccer
Volleyball
More learning
Friday night family night
More great friends
Water skiing and Wake Boarding
Surfing
Playing in the ocean
Camping
Learning to drive
Graduation

And so much more!!

Looking back, we have been given such a beautiful life together. Not all easy, but beautiful!! Sure I have some regrets. I regret that time moves quickly. I wish I had been more patient at times. Maybe ranted less in my moments of frustration. 

Mostly, I feel like we have been able to grab the time we have, the time given to us, and we have used it well. I feel like we strove to give the best of ourselves to each other. I love being your mother. I love it that you call and ask permission to skip on "Senior Skip" day. I am not admitting to anything here where it stays on permanent record! I have often marveled at what an amazing person you are. There are qualities you possess that I deeply admire. You are comfortable with who you are. You are loyal, kind and funny. I love that you are committed to believing the best of others, a deep intellect, thoughtfulness, careful spending, confidence to choose what is right, integrity, courage, chutzpah, grit and countless others qualities.  I couldn't have dreamed this journey. It has far exceeded my expectations. I can't believe God trusted us with you, I believe you were more his gift to us than we were to you! I have loved it, every bit of it. I regret it has gone so quickly but I sure am excited for the next stage!! The ride isn't over. Lets keep grabbing the time given us and using it well. We are just switching tracks. I couldn't be more confident in your future. It is bright!! Here's to what's next Peanut! Can I still call you peanut? ;)

For Young Mom's

I was asked to share at a baby shower a while back. A wonderful couple had been blessed with a beautiful baby girl. She is precious!! As all babies are.  Here is what I intended to share, a terrible cold kept me from delivering it in its' entirety. I am also sure my delivery lacked gusto as I was really very ill! C'est la vie! Here was what I meant to say!


No one can prepare us for motherhood. No one can adequately express with words how our hearts will flood to bursting with love for this small helpless babe. There are no words for the intensity of the protective instinct that is awakened in us, or for how quickly it can transform us into a Mother Bear when our little one is threatened. No one can prepare us for the new definitions of gross, cute, exhaustion, or delight.  We can never be fully prepared. We just can't.

It is simultaneously difficult and wondrous. It is so beyond our abilities in ways that we wonder who on earth thought is was a good idea to trust us with a little soul's survival. Yet we would never miss this ride. Not for anything. Well,  in our weaker moments the promise of an uninterrupted nights sleep might tempt us ;) However, given a moment to see past our desperate fatigue, we would never go back!

As I thought about what might be meaningful as you take on the this new role of parenting, I thought back to what I have found to be some of the biggest lessons of motherhood.

I cut it down by half so as not to overwhelm you!

Loving God with your heart soul and mind is the best preparation for parenthood there is. Loving God and spending time with him transforms us. We increase in love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness and self-control. All the virtues that we see in those we consider to be amazing moms!!! If these are the qualities we want to define us as mothers, we need to cling to the one whose love transforms us. To be the best Mom you can be, make God your priority daily. One resource I found particularly helpful was a book I studied in Bible school called Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. It is an amazing book, teaching on how to make the most of repetitive household tasks meaningful opportunities to spend time with God. It transforms mundane tasks like washing the floor, or folding laundry into meaningful times, where you can fully experience God's presence. Doing this can actually make these chores something that feed your soul.  You will find yourself looking forward to these tasks. You may be tempted to try to make excuses to not not. Our lives as Moms are busy. Please don’t let this happen.  As God transforms you and your kids see the beauty of this. God becomes more attractive to them. They will be drawn to Him. If they have God as their priority, everything else in their lives is going to fall into place.This is the first and most important foundation of your life and marriage and home. 

Your husband comes before your kids, always. Often it is the small things that communicate this. Giving him a hug and kiss before he leaves for work. Making a point to greet him at the door when he comes home from work. Expressing your appreciation for the things he does. One of the most important ways of doing this is to make sure you are loving him in his love language. I think most of us are familiar with them. The five love languages are encouraging words, acts of service, quality time, physical touch or receiving gifts. Commit to  some small regular gestures that let him know he has not lost his place in your heart. Having his favourite snack ready for him, though if it is something really terrible for his health, maybe give that to him once a month, your goal is to spend a lifetime together ;) one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is being the greatest couple you can be. Children become insecure and angry when they sense that they come before your marriage. It is so very important to put one another first. When children are confident of their parents commitment and passion for one another they can rest in that stability and thrive. It needs to be another foundation of your home. You may need to get creative. The rhythm of life can slip into mere survival very quickly. It takes creativity and commitment to maintain one another as a priority. After the little ones go to bed, have a quiet evening with some atmosphere and special food. Take some time to play a game together or spend some time dreaming together about what is next for you. Try to take some weekends away if you can budget for them. Try not to get stuck in a rut of dinner and a movie, google is a good resource to keep you from predictable patterns. Ballroom dance was a favourite for us!

Friends are essential! Find your soul sisters. Pray for some friends you trust and who you can be completely honest with. In confessing your failings to each other and praying for each other God is true to his word and there is healing. As you live life together, their perspective will bring clarity. They will help you see what God sees in you and be his agents of grace. They will encourage you when you want to give up, remind you of your strengths and keep you accountable. Through sharing, laughter and praying together, God will use them as his tangible expression of love, healing and strength. The journey of motherhood will entwine your hearts together in deep and lasting ways. They are God's gift of love and mercy for the journey and what a gift they are! Life without them will become unimaginable!!

Flexibility is a virtue. Some days are just off days. Maybe your night was interrupted more than usual, or the baby is cranky and you don't know why. Maybe your simplest plans just are not coming together. You know, those days where instead of accomplishing your list of errands, basic survival rises up as the main goal of the day.  If you are like me, it can be difficult to dismiss your goals and go with the flow. I don't segway well. Sometimes the hope of accomplishing something is just too hard to let go of. I must say, in my experience, it was rarely worth it. Learning to assess reality and adjust to it is one of the most valuable things I have learned. Do what you have to do to survive those days and let the guilt and disappointment go. Arrange to make your plans happen another time, release the expectation of what you hoped the day would be and embrace the joys it will bring. 

The way to overcome your inadequacies as a parent is to focus on the love of Christ and the grace he offers you. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. However, it is a nice ideal. My daughter was about 9 and she was furious with a parenting decision I made. She sat at the table stewing and muttered under her breath "I am going to be the perfect Mom." It was a hard hit right to my heart. I took a deep breath and then sat beside her and let her know I knew how she felt. I remember thinking that very same thing. In fact it was fully my plan to be just that. I was going to be the perfect Mom. Too bad my humanity got in the way. I assured her I would have been the perfect parent if I could have be. I was sorry I couldn't be perfect. I apologized for the ways I had failed her. There are no words that sufficiently communicate the depth of my love for her, but I tried. I also told her that God is a perfect parent. That is one of his unique abilities and gifts to us. In his love and wisdom he sets boundaries and disciplines his children. That bible tells us that is how he treats his legitimate children. Sometimes it is what is best for children even if they don't like it. She agreed and was quick to forgive and acknowledge the truth of it. I know I am not the only one who set out to be the perfect parent. I know as women we all want to be the perfect Mom. We don't want to hurt our kids with a harsh word. We do not want to be impatient with them. This is one of the hardest realities of parenting. It does not help you to punish yourself for being human.  God will redeem your failings and bring beauty. By focusing on the grace you receive from Christ and his forgiveness for your failings, love for him grows and his love helps you overcome your weaknesses. 

These are a few of the things the journey has taught me. I pray some of this has been helpful.