Have you given up on Church? (Part 2)

Last week I wrote about giving up on the church. I don't know how you responded to that unless of course you reached out and shared with me. I love when you do that!! Keep doing that!

You might be thinking:

What if I don't want to find my way home? It doesn't feel like home, it never will.

I want a new home!

I can't get over what happened, people of God shouldn't do what thy did.

I get it. I am personally close to those feelings. I have said those words and know the pain. My soul still bears the scars.

Hang in there with me.

What if I don't want to find my way home?

I didn't want to either. We relate to God in the most intimate place of our soul. The pain we receive from careless words, actions or intentional attacks from our brothers and sisters in Christ, reach down to that intimate place. The natural reaction is to recoil, build defenses and protect ourselves. In our most human moments, we may have retaliated.

Have you ever had a child yell "I hate you!" Or had a sibling say "I wish you weren't my sister!"

You knew they didn't mean it, it just reflected the pain and damage the relationship had suffered.

Not wanting to find your way home indicates the depth of disappointment, hurt or disillusionment you have endured.

Consider meeting with someone who is honest about their pain and humanity. Choose carefully, someone who displays compassion, sympathy, loving kindness. Someone you can trust and explore what has happened with.

Find a safe area of the churches ministry, a place where you can go to receive and eventually give to.

I found my way back through listening tot he Holy Spirit. He led me to our morning Women's Bible study. I could observe and slowly test the waters. I saw rawness, openness, and gentleness in them. God used these beautiful women to help me find my way back.

A year ago our son said, "I need God, but I don't need his people." Sometimes Pastor's kids see more than they should ever have to. I think it is why they often rebel, act out, guard themselves fiercely in a church family.  Just last week he told me "I don't like Sunday sports practices, I miss meeting at church." He was saying in his way, I miss my family!

We watched God gently woo him back, through friendships that morphed into family around our table. Through a small Discipleship group that he was eventually willing to join and through his interest and gifting in music. God slowly drew him back without him even realizing it.

Press into the Spirit, he will guide you safely.

I want a new home.

So did I.

I didn't know who was for me or against me. I was terrified and struggled with migraines most Sundays. I had never had migraines and haven't since.

I tried coming in late and slipping away early. I am sure my body language communicated "approach with caution."  I felt vulnerable and ready to run. I was so exhausted after that I would sleep for hours.

What if it is time to find a new home?

I think this needs to be handled prayerfully, hopefully with others you can trust. If there is damage that is severe enough that you can no longer agree with the direction and values of the church. Or if you no longer trust or feel safe with the character of leadership. It is time to consider what God might have for you. If people who you respect and fee safe with can affirm the choice to find a new church family, leaving is appropriate. This should be hard. It should feel like you are cutting off a limb. Some people jump around and are very careless about their attachment to a church body. This is not what God has called us to live like. It is a brotherhood. When one leaves, there should be pain. If there is not, it might be worth exploring why. If it hurts, take time to grieve. Heal. Take time to fairly evaluate your side, theirs. If there is amends to be made? You can't control the outcome, but you can do your part. Consider meeting with leadership who you trust to share where you are at, what you are doing and bless one another on your way.

I can't get over what happened, people of God shouldn't do what they did.

I do what I shouldn't all the time. Thankfully the Apostle Paul shared that he did too.

This comes down to expectations. Mainly we feel "they" should know better. If I am honest, I still fall and do things even when I know better.

People make mistakes.

This reason for turning away from the church is based on expectations.

Expectations are a pain, they can mess everything up. Expectations are dangerous. We need to be honest about what we expect. We need to recognize that we need to release that and give people the freedom to be who they are and where they are at. In honesty,

I cannot say that they should know better. I am not aware of the details of their story. If I am doing things I wish I wouldn't, I can't really be surprised when others do too.

My job is to accept where they are, be tenderhearted toward them. If they confess, I need to be ready to forgive. If they do not confess, I have to release it to the Righteous and Fair Judge to deal with in his time and in his way. The grace and mercy I want for myself, I need to desire for them.

If you do not want to come back to church, please consider exploring the reasons together with someone who loves the church, someone who has a different perspective. Try to avoid the human tendency to surround yourself with people and ideas that confirm your position. While that approach is comfortable, it does not necessarily stretch annd grow you in the way that is needed.