A Letter to Young Men

One of the greatest gifts for me in this life is the chance to be a Mom to boys. My sons are a source of delight, laughter and joy. I count it a privilege to be trusted with the task of keeping them alive until adulthood! I have the awesome privilege of having a number of very special young men in my life. From my nephews to my boy's friends. I am literally surrounded!!! Lucky me! They are all unique and have their own abilities and  attributes. I love them all, I really do!!! It is fascinating to me to observe them interact with information and ideas in ways that are quite different from girls. In raising boys, I have come to admire and deeply value the strengths of men more and more. I love them!!

Boys are growing up in a difficult age these days. It takes more focus, determination and support to grow into a man of character and integrity. It is hard to be a good boy who will grow into a great man. I look at all these remarkable young men in my life and I truly desire the best for them.

There are many traps and temptations. There is a lot of pressure and competition. The ways we have developed education, expectations, and even entertainment puts men at a disadvantage.  Sitcoms make men look like idiots. We are trying to cover the world in bubble wrap to keep kids from danger. No wonder they turn to video games where they can be warriors and take risks. There are so many young men whom I love in our lives right now.  I want them to feel like they are set up for success not failure. I want them to know they have our unconditional love and support.

Recently I wrote a letter to young women. Today, after a moment I shared with a young man who is particularly dear to me, I knew I had to write a letter for young men. If I could share some wisdom from observation and parenting, and experience with the magnificent young men I know, it might go something like this:

Dear Incredible Young Man,

1. You are awesome just as you are. You do not need to jockey for position, or fight to be top dog. People of quality will recognize your value and respect you, they are the ones worthy of your friendship. Who you are is already enough.
2. Keep laughing!  Keep trying to make the people in your life laugh too! Humor is a super power!!
3. Have a well tailored suit in your closet. You never know when you will need one. It may be for an interview, a surprise celebration, or family event. It may be that you will need it to sweep a young lady off her feet one day. You may think you don't need it, chances are, if you have one there will be an opportunity to use it! And you always look jaw droppingly handsome in a suit. Always!
   
4. Athleticism is not the main measure of a man. Often during the school years, your value is determined by your performance on the field, ice, or court. Your character is the true measure of who you are. If you use the time on the field, ice and court to develop character, you are way ahead!
5. Integrity is the foundation of character, be the same person in front of people as you are when you are alone. This reduces inner tension and creates the platform from which all choices and behavior are formed.
6. Locker room talk is just that! Talk. Take everything that is said with a grain of salt.
7. Play! Learn to enjoy recreation and exercise, keep it fun, something you will continue.It is good for you but don't think of it that way, think of it as a good time!
   
8. Don't squash your inner child. Women need you to keep that approach to life. It adds fun, spontaneity and charm.  It helps keep us young, even if we aren't joining you in your juvenile behaviour, a piece of our heart adores it!
9. Be a gentleman. Move over for a woman walking on the sidewalk, offer your chair to some one older than you. Be considerate to those around you. Speak with respect. This goes a long way and sets you apart. Look up some gentleman's codes of conduct and incorporate the ideas that resonate with your values into your behaviour.
   
10. Don't fear failure, it is a great way to learn. Push yourself, take risks. Go ahead, try for that job, dream big & go for what you want. Ask that girl out ( when you are 20!) Failure does not mean you are not good enough, it means that you try harder or look for another opportunity. Don't let it shake your confidence or willingness to try again.
11. If someone tries to make you feel small, it is because they are hurt and feel small themselves. Respond with compassion. Hurting them will only make them more mean. Do not accept the behaviour, tell them kindly not to speak to you that way or do that to you. Do not take their behaviour personally, it reflects their lack of character and their pain. How you respond reveals your character.
12. Check the landing. When mountain biking, Craig taught our boys to always check the landing before trying a new jump or drop.  Think your actions through to their consequences. Some times you do not get a do-over.
    
13. Your Dad loves you. I learned in Bible School from many of my guy friends how important it was to know their Father loved them unconditionally. Some Dad's don't know how to show it or say it. Some Dad's just can't figure out how to get it across. They would give their life to protect you, they love you. Don't let the idea that you are unloved cripple you. Don't let the feeling that you have to earn it cause you to endlessly strive. Have grace on your Father for his limitations. You are loved, more than you will ever know.  It's an indisputable fact! 
14. Listen to your inside voice. Purity of mind and life are worth the battle. Learn to look away, wipe the image off your minds eye. Commercials are pornographic these days, walking in a mall is a minefield. Technology has made activities that you know are not good for you easily accessible and there is nothing but your conscience between you and your choices. Porn, drugs, alcohol and on-line gambling are taking down the young men in your generation. Rise above it.
15. Surround yourself with friends who are like brothers. Guys who have your back, laugh with you, share your interests and are there for you. Be there for them through thick and thin and they will be there for you!
    
16. Go out in groups, do a lot of different activities. Seeing a person in many situations is a great way to determine if they are worth pursuing a friendship with. How do they respond under stress? How do they respond when some one is frustrated with them? How to they treat service people? How they respond reveals character, that tells you if they are worth knowing better!
17. Date someone with the same beliefs and values as you. If you love hiking, swimming, cycling and being active, would you choose to marry a couch potato? Would you choose someone who discouraged you from it or did not want to share it with you? If you love God, align with someone who loves God. They will encourage, understand and seek God together with you. You will share the deepest most meaningful intimacy if you do. Decide what you love and choose someone who loves the same things! Relationships are hard enough without adding in extra battles.
    
18. Find a young woman who values and appreciates you, your mind and your approach to life. One of your biggest needs is to be respected. Find a woman who respects you even when she doesn't understand why you are doing things the way you are.
19. Learn to identify your emotions and where they are coming from. You don't have to share them with everyone.  If you know what you are feeling and why, you can choose your behaviour instead of your emotions dictating them.
20. Enjoy the ride! When God has his rightful place in your life it all works out. He can redeem wrong turns, make new roads where their seems to be only road blocks and he will always make a way. You can trust him!

You have so much potential! It is going to be amazing to see what you go do in the world. You are growing up in a world that is difficult for men. You may have battle wounds. I am pretty sure you have battle wounds.. Don't ignore them. Don't let the wounds you have hold you back. Bring them to God, let him do his work. He is waiting for you, he wants to heal and make you whole.

You are a warrior. You are in a fight to be the man you want to be. A fight to become the man God created you to be. Don't lose heart, stay focused. When you fall, get back up and keep fighting. You are surrounded by people who love you, will support you and who want to see you win.  Pursue your goal with all your might! Your family and friends are cheering you. We love you!  God is always on your side, you are not alone. Be strong and courageous!

With Love and Respect,
Lisa