Are you someone who naturally explores
and pushes the limits of your comfort? Do you stay within the safety of the known? Do you actively try to expand your world or do you like the way things are?
In our family, we have discovered three types of explorers. I wonder if we had more children if we would have discovered more.
In our family, including the adults, these are the explorer types.
The Natural Explorer: This one sees something new and heads right in adjusting and learning as they go. For this one, adventure usually happens with a big grin.
The Calculating Explorer: This one sits back a while, gets the lay of the land and then is eager to jump in. This one is a little tense at the idea of something new and then once they have had a chance to see what is involved, can’t wait to get started.
The Reluctant Explorer: This one is happier doing what they know. Typically they are not interested in trying something new and likes their world just the way it is.
Raising these uniquely wired individuals has been a lot of fun. In different settings, their natural bent has been fascinating to observe and sometimes difficult to navigate as a parent.
Teaching one caution while encouraging the other to take a risk can seem to send mixed messages.
It 's hard for one to see the consequences or risks of certain actions. All they seem to see is the fun and adventure and how this new experience will be fun and enriching. Then at the other end of the spectrum having a child who cannot see the benefit of expanding the breadth of their experiences.
Here are some of the ways we have navigated that.
1. Experience is the best teacher.
Letting our Natural Explorer try and experience the consequences in situations that have measured risks, teaches them about risks and consequences. Over time, this gives them a little wisdom.
Our Calculating Explorer learns from the Natural Explorers mistakes and adds their own common sense into the mix.
The Reluctant Explorer is dragged along until they start to see the benefits and are willing to give it a try. Very rarely have we encountered something this one will not do again.
2. Persuasion through appropriate encouragement.
Telling our kids why we think they will enjoy something based on their natural interests, abilities and qualities often give them what they need to try something new.
In our Natural Explorers situation, that may mean exploring how risk has been handled previously. We often affirm his ability to anticipate and respond in smart ways to challenges. We sometimes consider beforehand what kinds of situations come up and what options there might be to handle them. He knows we trust him, that he is aware of his limits and knows how to push those limits reasonably.
For our other Explorers, it means helping them see the strengths they have that will benefit them in this new adventure. Sometimes we explain why we believe they will enjoy an experience or what they have done previously that made us think they would like to try something else.
3. Knowing when to push and when to wait.
Let’s face it we know our kids. There have been times when we have pushed and learned later we should have waited. Consequently, there have been times when we should have pushed, didn’t and then regretted it. In
Our Reluctant Explorer was very conflicted one holiday. The kids were learning to surf but this one was very hesitant. I had to be straight up and say, "You will not get another chance. If you think you will be sorry you didn't try, then you just have to decide to try." I was so proud when this one overcame their reluctance and learned a new skill that in the end was very enjoyed. Yeah, not at all to our surprise but, whatever!!
Sometimes we have to force our kids to expand their world. Sometimes they get too comfortable. It is important that they continually learn to exercise the skills they develop when they are learning to deal with the unknown.
There are certain coping skills that only develop under stress.
It is in our kid’s best interest to work these skills.
I want my children to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
I want them to know that they are the masters of their discomfort. They have the ability to learn to take on a new situation, and they have strategies to deal with the stress.
They will always have their natural hard-wired bent. Bu we can equip them to push their limits of safety and comfort.
I want my kids to expand their worlds, to consistently try and learn new things.
The older they have become, the more we see them learning to employ their skills and be victorious. When they have a new opportunity to step out into something unknown and challenge themselves the more the world has to offer!
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