Thoughts From A Reformed Valentines Day Critic

If you know me well, you know I detest all things sappy and "ooey gooey" romantic. You will never see me wearing jewelry with a heart on it! It is not my thing. I won't judge you for wearing hearts, just don't judge me for not wearing them. Maybe that is why I rebelled against Valentines for years.

I used to think Valentines Day was ridiculous. Even through the first few years of marriage. I didn't like that it made people feel left out. It can, but it doesn't have to. I believed, and still do, that love should be expressed every day. I thought one specific day dedicated to celebrating love diminished our responsibility to choose to love daily. I thought is was a crazy, commercialized day exploited by retailers. It is, but that doesn't mean I have to make it about that.

At this point, you are probably thinking "poor Craig" how's the guy to win on a day like Valentines? He knows me. Humor, sincerity and a little creativity go a long way with a girl like me. A torch-lit snowshoe, an unusual meal, or a small adventure with our family are usually enough.

Valentines isn't restricted to romantic love. Sure it has it's roots in performing marriages for soldiers who were denied the right to marry a wife at that time. It also rooted in loving on those less fortunate. It was a day chosen to celebrate a Saint who selflessly loved others. Valentines gives us the chance to express love and appreciation to those who have loved us. Not just the ones who love us romantically but anyone. Even those who society deems unlovable. When viewed this way, Valentines turns into an opportunity!

Love is meant to be given and celebrated every day. The reality is, for many it is not. Some of us need a special day to remember our commitment to love others well. Valentines can become a valuable check point. An opportunity to evaluate how well we are doing in this area. Am I speaking their love language to them daily? Am I giving them my full attention? Am I spending too much time at work, or on my phone or tablet? Am I living in a way that tells the people in my life that they are more important than the other things that try to steal my attention? Valentines can be a chance for me to evaluate if my priorities are reflected by my actions. I have to be brave and honest wth myself so that I can make the necessary adjustments. There is significant value in that. 

Valentines has become a crazy, commercial gong show. The problem is that my previous position didn't make room for people who communicate love through gifts and who receive love through gifts. A hard core stance against gift giving on any holiday can deeply hurt people who receive love through giving and receiving gifts. Many misunderstand and think size, and cost matters to a person with the love language of gifts. Any thoughtful gift, big or small, bought or hand made, communicates love. To be shamed for this love language is profoundly damaging.

My sister has this love language. I feel awful because it is my lowest one, I am awful at loving her in this way. In fact, she is the only one in our family with this love language. I. Am. Sorry!!!! She vibrates with excitement from the moment she gets a gift until she can give it to you. She tells me, with great delight when she has found something perfect for me. She can barely stand it and will sometimes try to give it to me early. Making her wait is my twisted way of messing with her. Plus, I like opening gifts on my actual birthday :)

She has been very hurt by the disdain poured out on gift giving. She should be free to find the perfect gifts without judgment on this day, or any day! Those who want to love her in the way she receives love best should be able to give her the perfect gift with freedom on this day or any other day too.

Craig and I celebrate simply. We stick to a favorite activity with our family, or encouraging words in a card to one another, our children, or anyone else whose love has been a precious gift to us. The point is, pay attention and love your loved ones the way they receive love. If that is through gifts, that is just as beautiful as any other way. 

I have realized that even though I am committed to using every day as an opportunity to love those who are precious to me, I am thankful for the reminder to do so on Valentines Day. It gives me something to look forward. It is a chance to be creative in an otherwise dreary and challenging month.  It breaks up the grind of life in mid-winter and brings a little fun, color, and vitality. I have decided to embrace every opportunity to celebrate the amazing people in my life. As a result, I now choose to embrace Valentines Day!