Help! I'm a Mom!

Do you remember the moment it hit you? That profound moment when you realized that you, and your husband, were the ones who had to make the best choices for the little life in your hands? The moment when the responsibility seemed massively huge, and you felt so ill equipped? The moment you realized that if there were a way to be the perfect Mom, you would be. But then, you became painfully aware of your inability to be perfect.

For me, this moment happened the day they sent us home from the hospital. I was completely dumbfounded, how could the medical professionals trust us and send us home with this precious, helpless, wrinkled little sweetheart. Didn't they know all I had was some experience with babysitting, a few observations from watching family friends and that the rest of my very limited knowledge came from some books on my nightstand!?! How is that enough to guide, teach, and raise a precious little? What were they thinking letting us waltz out from under their wisdom, medical skill, and experience?!?

I remember looking at our little girl, my heart exploding with love. I have a wild imagination; even my imagination couldn't prepare me for that amount of love. I simply found it astounding.

Then our lives were overtaken by the sleepless nights, the crying, the helplessness of not being able to stop the crying. Explosions from both ends of something so small it was impossible to comprehend that they were the source of all the...grossness.  All of this was interposed with sweet expressions and adorable fingers and toes. Moments of intense, powerful love. Then, after a couple of hours of sleep, it would start all over again. 

It is a contradictory existence, a delicate balance between the sweetest and most challenging moments in life.  It is straight up exhausting! I thought I was the only one struggling. I thought everyone else was knocking it out of the park while I was ready to fly out the door for some quiet time when my husband came home. Not every day was like that. But there were days! And they were not always the minority ;)

Don't get me wrong, I love being a Mom. It is the third best thing I have done in my life. Loving God and loving Craig being the first two. 

I adore my children, and I know you do too. The reality is that this is a tough job. Parenting is not for the faint of heart.  There are the days when we cannot even express the bliss and wonder of it all. And then there are days we just pray these precious littles will survive us, and we them.

In order to make the most of this time I had a few checkpoints. I ask myself, these questions to regroup and refocus.

1. What is draining the life out of me right now? If I wasn't getting devotional time, I put memory verses around where I would nurse or wash dishes and meditate on them. Or I would identify a quiet time of day and try to get into my Bible and pray then. If it was that I wasn't getting out enough, I talked with Craig, and we decided I should join the gym. I got up at 6;00 am and tried to get back as they were waking up. If I was not getting enough sleep, I gave up that quiet time after the babies were down and went to bed when they did. It is important to know what gives life to you so that you can withstand the things that drain you.

2. What are appropriate expectations for my children at this stage? If I am frustrated, it could be that my expectations are not reasonable. There is nothing more draining and discouraging than unreasonable expectations. It can rob the joy of discovering who your littles are. It can make life hard for you and them.

3.Are we living according to our values? Discord between beliefs and actions can cause tension and rob a soul and a family of joy. Every once in a while, we need to evaluate how our lives as a family line up with what we believe and value. After a rough cold has gone through the house, we need to get screen time under control again. We need to evaluate if we are giving our time to the things we have decided are important. As the kids grow up, they need to be a part of these discussions. They need to buy in and decide where they will volunteer, how they want to develop their gifts and learn their interests and strengths. A family is full when behaviour, beliefs and interests are in alignment. It helps a ton if parents are on the same page.

Raising decent humans is a tough job. If you are worried you are failing, you are probably doing just fine. None of us is perfect. None of us have all the answers. Most of us are worrying about how we have failed our children or if they will be adequately prepared for life. That is ok. You are not alone. Truly, you are doing an incredible job under the circumstances and demands! I mean it!!!

In the end, God is enough to cover the areas where we were not sufficient. He's got our precious ones looked after. Do your best, and then rest in the fact that God has it figured out from there. That is the only way to stay sane!