When All You Have Left Are Tears

Have you descended to a place where the suffering is so dark and deep, there are no words left? 

Have you known a grief that physically hurts so badly you cannot form words? 

Have you been thrust into a situation so full of pain or loneliness, a place so desperate that there are no words adequate or even available to you?

I have known this pain. I know I am not alone. I know most everyone has or will, at some point, experience this kind of crushing grief.  I have endured it in different settings, at different times and in various circumstances. Just as there are no words to express it, there are no words to describe it. To even attempt description would be dishonoring. 

This pain is it's own category of suffering.

It is a uniquely desperate, helpless place. It is in that depth of sorrow where words have failed.  I haven't even know what to ask for to make it better. It is that point of despair that is beyond my ability to understand. I cannot comprehend it let alone bear and endure it. It is crushing, it seems to threaten to destroy. Without the grace of God it is too much to carry.

It is that place of pain and suffering where I felt that all I have left are tears.

Years before I had experience with this level of pain and suffering I had read these verses in Romans 8:26-27.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

Oh the glorious beauty of those words.

Even before I had need of their comfort, these words brought just that.

There is such tenderness, mercy and hope in those few sentences. Such beauty invited into such desperate pain. 

These verses touch on big promises.

When all I have left is tears, God is with me. 

When words fail me, the Spirit is there to communicate for me. 

I don't have to have words, I don't have to try to communicate my experience. He knows my pain intimately. He has searched my heart and mind. He knows!

When I don't know what I need, or what to ask for, it is alright. He knows!

When I am vulnerable and don't know which way is up. He knows. The Spirit knows how to pray it out for my best, in accordance with God's will.

God doesn't leave me lonely, speechless and directionless. He addresses all of that. He quietly moves into my pain with gentleness, mercy and love. While those are often the worst times of my life, they become beautiful because I have never been more aware of His presence, loving kindness and faithfulness.

He reclaims those moments and reshapes them into evidence of His grace and goodness. It is in those times that he has forged my character. He has humbled me, developed my love, patience, kindness. He has worked on my rough edges and strengthened my perseverance.

It is those dark times when I have learned to know him personally as my Healer, Savior, Defender, Sustainer. He has been my Shelter, Provider, the one who sees me and my Hope. I know him as Redeemer, the Merciful One and Father. He is the Faithful One in whom I can trust. In those dark times he has revealed to me my own self and who he is. Suffering has been the soil which he has used for powerful times of growth. In those darkest of times he reveals his presence and his character. If he calls me to suffer more, I will. He never wastes the pain. He always redeems it. It has all been worth it.

When all you have left is tears, you have an opportunity to invite God into that place. Giving God access to your pain does something amazing. It positions you to witness, first hand, his presence, love and power.

While I wish that I could promise you that you wouldn't have to endure such suffering, I pray you come to know God as I have in those moments.

With Love,

Lisa