The Fruit of The Spirit: Dichotomy

Do you have those moments when you are confronted by the difference between who you are and who you want to be?

Do you ever feel the tension of those two not being in alignment?

Does the dichotomy of who you want to be and who you really are just stop you dead in your tracks sometimes?

I feel this tension intensely. Marriage, parenting, my role as a Pastor's wife and now blogging all expose the disunion of who I am and who I desire to be.

I wonder if once people really get to know me, do they wonder why God would ever choose me to support a man called to ministry, or raise three kids, or blog? I know that my flawed humanness will disappoint. People who struggle with putting their leaders on pedestals will be disillusioned and disgusted when they see my sin and brokenness.

When I fail to meet their expectations or needs, I fear that I will represent Christ and the pursuit of Christ poorly. Will they deem me unworthy of grace? I know I cannot meet everyone's expectations. I do and will inevitably hurt, disappoint and disillusion those I seek to minister to.

As I blog, I am keenly aware that readers are forming opinions of me. The words I write can misrepresent my true self. Often they express my struggle to be the best version of myself, not my actual self. I am conscious that I may mislead people to think I have it all together and our family is perfect. What would readers think if they were a fly on my wall, seeing me at my worst? Would you read, or even want to know me if you saw the real me? If you saw me unfiltered?

As I was seeking God's guidance for what I should write about this year, he led me to the Fruit of the Spirit. It will be interspersed with other content. The Fruit of the Spirit will be one of the themes on Set Apart for More this year.

I was not surprised by this direction. I am looking forward to it in some ways and not in others.
I have been in that uncomfortable place of self-awareness. I am not as kind, loving, or gentle as I want to be. I want more of those good qualities. I want all of the fruit!!! I want more of God's characteristic traits to become my traits, to define and fill me. I want to be so full of the Fruit of the Spirit that they spill out of me onto others.

I have been struggling with who I am and who I want to be. The dichotomy between creating tension and dissatisfaction within me.

As I explore and wrestle with how I fall short, I will be tempted at times to hide my true self. I promise to fight that temptation.

I write with the goal of honouring my readers through authenticity and honesty. I will do my best to be true. I know that growth and the most powerful journeys of transformation happen when I am honest with myself and others. I ask of you, dear reader,  a willingness to extend grace to my weak and flawed soul.

Will you join me on this journey?

Get Your Dancing Shoes!

Get your dancing shoes boys!!!

Here's the thing...
I want to raise boys who will dance with their wives.
I want to give them the skills to be confident in such a setting and remove the hesitation that could keep them from standing up.
It is important to me.

We go to a few weddings every year. Usually all I see all night long is ladies dancing in a circle while their men sit at tables. I have to admit, I don't like it. I don't care if guys don't like it, it would be nice to see them step up for the girl they love.

So, I am going to do what I can to raise men who will dance with their wives!!

I need to keep a promise I made.

This Sunday we will return to dance lessons with a couple of dear friends, our sons and some lovely young women who have agreed to join us in their Gentlemen's Training.  Oh, it is going to be good times!!

We are so pleased to keep our word and share the love of dance with our children. Sydney, you will join us in Spring.

A tribute to Attila & Alison our ballroom dance instructors,
written close to his last days and read at the celebration of his life.
Attila passed away from cancer on August 5th, 2014. 

We think it is brilliant to hold a dance for all who have benefited from your instruction. Craig and I are so sorry not to be able to come on the 28th and share our love of dance together.  We would treasure sharing a dance one last time. We are sincerely disappointed to miss this opportunity to see you both again. Craig and I often talk about when dance classes will fit into our schedule again and when we will be able to dance regularly. 

When Attila and Craig would bump into one another around town, Attila would quickly ask "When are you coming back to dance?" You made us feel loved and missed! Please know we have always wanted to. Raising 3 kids who are heavily involved in sports & music makes it a challenge right now!

Dance gave us a chance to get out and invest in our relationship, we fondly remember our classes and how Attila would take Craig aside and say "I want you to dance like this with her!". Then Attila would sweep me across the dance floor. Always encouraging, always challenging us to be free in the movement. You made class time fun and we always anticipated it with enthusiasm. I will never again have the opportunity to dance the polka with a gentleman who can create that kind of centrifugal force and spin!! Attila, it was so much fun!! SO much fun!! 

Dance gave us the chance to feel like a gentleman and lady during child raising years that often left us tired and exhausted. It gave us an evening out for laughter, to hold each other, make memories and just be us. Husband and wife. 

When we would practice at home, the kids would watch us and then ask to dance with us. If our oldest son thought Craig was leading in a boring way he would interrupt and say "No Dad, like this!" He would then take me from Craig and spin me in constant turns around the floor. He was about 5 at the time. 

We have incorporated many parts of dance into our marriage. You taught us not to fight on the dance floor. This made us conscious of how we interacted on and off the dance floor. Be kind always! We learned to come mentally prepared to leave the frustrations and irritations of the week behind and just enjoy one another. I had to close my eyes and learn not to think, anticipate, or follow a weak lead. I got to enjoy calming my mind and letting go of my thoughts. I simply had to focus on the music, movement of the dance and being held by my husband. These were amazing lessons for me on and off the dance floor. I had to trust Craig to keep me safe on the dance floor and he has never failed to do so. 

Craig learned to lead with confidence, plan ahead and watch the flow of the floor, this helped him as he recovered from a bad concussion. He took the philosophy of keeping me safe on the dance floor and made it a priority to be a safe place and protector for me in our marriage. 

Dance helped us learn to treat one another as a gentleman and lady. Taught us to guard our relationship and put it first. So important!

We have often thought that we could hardly wait to study dance with you again. We feel great sadness at the loss of this opportunity and pleasure. We have many fond memories of studying dance with you and no one else will ever compare. We are sorry for the cards life has dealt you and know that you have fought hard and with courage. You have touched our lives and we cherish that!! You have been significant in our lives, thank you for sharing yourselves and your love of dance with us. We have been forever changed by you. You are in our thoughts and prayers. May you have strength, peace, and joy for the road ahead.

Again, thank you. Your passion for dance is a gift that will stay with us throughout our lives. We will seek to pass it on to our children as a living tribute to you both. 

Much Love,
Lisa & Craig

Help I'm a Mom: Oh Be Careful Little Eyes...

Has this happened to you?

You have scrambled through the week. Work, school, homework, sports, activities, etc. driving your schedule. You tumble into the weekend, and you are glad it is Friday night. Family night...

Did you think of something to do? No. Me either...
Without a plan, exhaustion quickly taking you down, the well of creativity dry, you settle for a movie night.

Great! What should we watch?

I don't have a clue!!

"So-and-so said their kids loved ___________(fill in the blank)"

Ok, let's try it!

Finally, everyone is seated, has their popcorn and Italian soda ready to go. You are finally relaxing and unwinding from your week; the show seems ok then...€£#%@&$#%#^

One of you is in a mad scramble for the remote, the other crying for everyone to close their ears and cover their eyes!!! Wait!! No!! Close your eyes and cover your ears!!!!  Your other half is still trying to shut off the movie. The adrenaline is pumping. The soundtrack to the show is still playing, and an image too scary for your little ones is still on the screen. While you are throwing blankets over their heads singing some kids song to decrease the amount of tension in the room

You are sure you have wrecked your kids, and you are wondering who on earth recommended this show to a family with kids 6 and under!!!

Then you are wondering what shows that you have recommended to families lately, and why would you ever trust yourself to do that in your sleep deprived, compromised memory state of being. What is the number of that Counsellor???

It is in these moments you wonder again, yes, this is not the first time, why the Good Lord ever trusted you to raise another human...let alone three other humans.

In a desperate attempt to redeem the evening you pull out Thomas the Tank Engine movies and build a track, pushing trains around, eating your popcorn.

What a night!

We learned quickly to be careful of recommended movies. It isn't that people mean to create chaos. At least I don't think they mean to. I think they honestly forget some of those parts. Maybe their kids are less sensitive, or they have a different philosophy of viewing than you. It could be your kids have wild imaginations that cause horrible nightmares. Their kids may not struggle with nightmares. Does it matter in the end?

We learned quickly to preview or read reviews.

Even for ourselves and now with our teenagers, we are selective with what we watch.

One of our favourite sites is Kids In Mind. Another is Plugged In.

These resources give great, concise reviews if you want to take the time to really research a show. Easy rating systems, help you make a judgment call quickly and safely in a pinch. Honestly, they have saved us from many viewing mishaps.

The bottom line is, you alone know what your child can handle. You alone know the values you hold as a family that directs what you choose to watch. You alone can make those decisions.

For our family, honouring The Lord even in a choice as simple as watching a movie is important.

There is a song we used to sing in Sunday School when I was a kid.

Oh be careful little eyes what you see,
Oh be careful little eyes what you see,
There's a Father up above, who is looking down in love,
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see.

As followers of Jesus, our relationship with Him impacts even these details of our lives.

 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others." 1 Corinthians 10:23-24

Is is beneficial?

Is it constructive?

Is it good for my kids?

These are the questions we ask to direct our own viewing and are hopefully teaching our kids to use for theirs!

Help I'm a Mom: Why We Love Teenagers

Teenagers...

What ideas, thoughts, memories, emotions does that age group hold for you?

They used to scare me.

Well, not groups of other people's teenagers. I always loved our youth work. I understood that we, as their leaders, saw their best side. Well usually. There were times where what we saw made me nervous.  I sometimes wondered what was happening that we weren't seeing. For the most part, we found them fun, inspiring and full of life.

I was;  however, scared about growing our own teenagers. I felt prepared for the younger years. I knew that as parents of teens, we would get the best and the worst of them. That was a little more than intimidating for me!! I knew the potential for those years to be a rough ride.

I know you have heard me say before that we are loving raising our teens. This summer it hit me again. For all the ups and downs - a house full of teenager's is one of this life's greatest gifts. There have been some wonderfully surprising delights in this stage of life.

Teenagers are really amazing.

Here are a few things we are enjoying:

1. Development of logic and intellect- it is fascinating to observe this grow and deepen.
2. The depth of conversation- with increased intelligence and logic, the discussions on world events, ethics, morality, faith, and so much more, is challenging and engaging.
3. Their perspective- fresh, new, developing, strong, creating tension within them. It's fun to watch them wrestle it out, for the most part!!
4. Thoughtfulness- they have incredible moments of selflessness.
5. Companionship-they are such great company!!
6. Challenge- they will call me on stuff that maybe I do not always want to be called on. It is humbling and makes me a better person. I am glad for it.
7. Skill Development- they are ready for bigger things.
8. Adventure- they are willing to try new things, being more aware of their abilities and the  possibilities
9. Watching them surpass us in certain areas. They are truly remarkable, spunky individuals.
10. Witty humor and banter!! There are no words. Love this part!!! They keep us laughing, they are so very clever!!

Now do not mistake this to mean our lives are conflict free. do not think that every day at our house is deep intellectual discussions, wild laughter, peace and joy falling from the sky.

There are challenges. Some big ones. Yes, even in a ministry families home, shocking I know!! 😉

I have learned that focusing on what we love about this stage goes a long way to enjoying it more. There is so much good!

I have learned it is important to seek to understand where they are coming from rather than assume I know. I do not always remember to do this. I know them pretty well, sometimes I forget the rate at which they are growing and changing intellectually.

Knowing that we believe the best about them is a huge deal. We put some hard work into raising respectful, honest, hardworking good people. I need to let them know I believe they are doing their best to be those things. Knowing that we do believe the best about them gives them confidence. It assures them that we are on their side even when we do disagree or need to correct them.

I am thankful every day for the privilege of raising these dear ones. They have made me a better person and taught me so much. It is going to be fun to see what choices and directions they pursue in the next few years. I am looking forward to more fantastic adventures!

Do You Fit?

Do you fit? Is this world comfortable for you?

I read this quote from Christine Caine, co-founder of A21 a while back and have been ruminating on it.

"You often don't, can't & won't fit "HERE" because God is preparing you for "THERE." A misfit here can be a perfect fit there!"

Here being the world, there, the Kingdom of God.

It is something Craig and I evaluate often. Are we being lulled into the comforts of life here forgetting that as children of God, this is not our home? Are we intentionally living as those who view their home in eternity as the place they are preparing for?

This is particularly difficult in the child rearing years for me. I wanted to give my kids exposure to sports, music, and develop their interests. I didn't want them to miss out. We quickly learned there is a distinction between cultivating a child's gifting and talents and giving them everything. We were, in ways, fortunate to have limitations on our financial situation. It kept us from slipping into the dominant child rearing philosophy of the time. It causes us to struggle with what our  priorities are.

We recently had a conversation with one of our kids about this. It is hard during the teenage years. There is pressure to "fit". It is easy to give in. The temptation is to live for self is our human nature and has been embraced by the world.

The problem is, we know there is more than that. We know in the end, living for self is unsatisfactory, empty and meaningless. If that is the way our kids choose to live, I will not put my hard earned money behind it. We work too hard for our money to be investing in the "Kingdom of Reimer". If we are going to invest, the focus needs to be the Kingdom of God.

That's the bottom line.

We need to resist the trappings of this world, it's philosophy's, comforts and priorities. As a child of God, this is not my home.

I am an alien.

I should not fit here. There should always be an uncomfortable tension.

I am desperately human. My natural tendency is to gravitate towards comfort.

"You often don't, can't & won't fit "HERE" because God is preparing you for "THERE." A misfit here can be a perfect fit there!"

Consequently, a perfect fit here can be a misfit there.

In my heart of hearts, I want to fit "THERE", that is my goal. "There" being the Kingdom of God. That is the longing of my heart. My true desire.

I do not want to waste my time here so that I don't fit there. That is such a disturbing thought!! How do I resist it? How do I fight my natural tendencies?

For starters:

The renewing of my mind through scripture.
Spending time in the presence of God in prayer.
Starting each day with intentional focus, it is not about me but about God and his work.

Those are a few disciplines that keep me focused, what works for you?

The Story of Us: Lisa's Side

Love at first sight? Pffft...right!?! 25 years ago, I didn't believe in it either!

I had gone to Bible School to deepen my faith. It was time to grapple at a deeper level intellectually with the things of God. In my first year I did have a boyfriend, he had broken up with me because I was holding us back. I was protecting myself. Things were getting more serious, and I tried to laugh it off, lightened it up. I had been hurt and I had hurt others in dating and I was scared.

I was part of a choir that toured BC a few weeks after that break up. I was processing. A few days before we went to Chilliwack there is a journal entry where I had written that I was tired of the ups and downs of dating, I wished that God would show me the face of my husband so I would know him when I met him and avoid future heart aches.

I was billeted at the home of a wonderful retired couple. Not many people stand out on a trip like that. This couple did. The husband prayed with passion and authority. I was very aware that he had spent a lifetime cultivating a deep relationship with God. The wife was a gracious hostess, practical and fun loving. Their love for each other was obvious and as I stood looking at her family photos, displayed above the piano, I remarked. "What a gorgeous family!" Honestly, a great looking crew!! I remember the moment like it was yesterday.

Getting on the bus the following morning a fellow choir mate said "There is a guy here who is really into you!"

Whatever, like I would ever see him again right?!?

Summer had been hard, many of my friends from Bible school were east. I went back to school determined to get to know the BC people. It was going to be a year of friendship and increasing knowledge and love for God. The first day of school, in walk three guys from BC. A few days later I was waiting in the lunch line with them and asking them why they had come to Bethany, the first two gave their answers and the third, Craig, said "To meet you!" I was taken off guard, he was about as shocked as I, with his friends graciously amused and covering for him. It was that night that we figured out I had stayed at his Grandparents house in Chilliwack. This guy was part of that gorgeous family I commented on.

During Thanksgiving, my sister was out to visit. She had arrived Wednesday  and on Friday morning she was telling me in the mail room that she had a date. Craig was walking by as I exclaimed to her "This is so typical! You have been here two days and already have a date, I have been here 6 weeks and not a single date!"  From the hallway I heard Craig say " I'll take you on a date!" I laughed it off!

Wednesday in the lunch line Craig came up asking what we were doing for our date. I had honestly thought he was joking "If you are asking me on a date, you better plan it, let me know when you are picking me up and let me know what to wear!" I replied.

October 21st was our first date. It was fun and real. We laughed, adventured, and talked openly and authentically about life. He was one of few people willing to admit they didn't have it all together, he was pursuing God and was honest about the challenges of faith and knowing God. I was desperately longing for conversations of this nature. It was a great evening!

I may not have recognized my husband by his face as I asked for in my journal, but I recognized his heart. He was insatiably hungry for the word of God. He was focused on his studies, faithful, respectful, self controlled, honest. He loved his family. He was hard working and enjoyed the same recreation I did. I knew he was the one.

That summer, I went down to visit Craig. I met the whole family that weekend, one of his cousins was getting married. I found myself in Craig's grandparent's house, staring at the photo's of this beautiful family again. Surrounded by the actual people.  Through the weekend, friends and cousins would say these interesting things. Craig had never told me we had met the weekend the choir had come through. As I listened to his Cousin Jane tell me that Craig couldn't keep his eye's off me when our choir sang and that he went to Bethany saying he was going to marry me, I was a little more than surprised. When I told him of the comments I had been receiving and then what his Cousin had said, Craig was shy about it and finally fessed up.  The night before our choir sang at his church, we had a BBQ with the youth and young adults. I remember a group sitting off by themselves, withdrawn. I grabbed a bunch of choir members and we went over to introduce ourselves, to try to get them involved. Craig was in that group. That was where it all started.

We were engaged later that summer. I wrecked it by driving home from work a different way and spotting his car. Oops!!

Our wedding was simple and fun. Craig's Youth Pastor Stan made the tribute to Craig and recalled how Craig and he had gone for coffee, Craig telling Stan that he was going off to Bible School and he was going to find his wife. The best part was that he already knew who she was...everytime I heard those comments I was floored. I never thought I was the pretty one. It made no sense to me!

We spent our first year at school completing our Bachelor's of Christian Ministry. It was a fantastic first year!

Marriage has had it's challenges, joy and suffering, are a reality of this life. Laughter is sweeter, joy is deeper, the future more inviting with my best friend by my side. Craig, while not perfect, is an incredible husband, amazing father and best friend I could ask for. He has challenged me, grown with me, tried new things together with me and been faithful through it all. He has seen the best in me when I was drowning in the worst. He is patient, loving and kind. He daily lives love out in practical ways. He is gentle, strong and servant-hearted.

We have had hard times. Knowing the only way through is together helps us continually choose each other. We are on the same side. We might fight with each other, but we always fight for each other.

We celebrated 24 years of marriage this month.  It feels like a heartbeat in time. He is the only one for me.  From now until the end of days Craig, I love you, and because of you, I believe in love at first sight!





If you missed Craig's side of the story, you can read it here :)

The Story of Us: Craig's Side

"That's the girl I'm going to marry."  Those are words I have been reminded of frequently over the years.

I first saw Lisa at an event happening between her college choir and the church of my youth. We were at Cultus Lake having a BBQ when I saw her across the covered picnic area. I was hanging out with my friends when she came over and tried to engage us in conversation. It was less than successful. I hadn't started to actually take God seriously at that point in my life and did not have that as my plan for the foreseeable future.

My mother had other plans.  She had agreed to take in two billets for the weekend and it would be my job to ferry them around.  I was less than impressed with this arrangement and set out to keep these guys up as late as I could.  Instead they got the upper hand and influenced my life.  We played basketball, I re-injured myself with an old sports injury.  They told me about Bible school and the things they were learning there.  In all it was an adequate weekend (Sorry Cam and Nelson).

What really impacted me though was this beautiful red head who seemed to have an energy and passion that I didn’t have.  During their performance I leaned over to my mom pointed out Lisa and said, "That's the girl I'm going to marry."

That Monday I forgot about everything and went back to life as usual.  God wasn't done.  I'm not sure what got me thinking about Bible School but, together with two other guys we ended up at Bethany Bible Institute. Along the way I apparently let the guys know that I would be finding that red headed girl and marry her.

During that first week I caught sight of her in the massive crowd of 160 students.  Waiting in line for lunch one day Lisa came and asked me why I was at school.  In quite possibly the greatest pick up line ever, I said, "To meet you."  Inside, I said to myself, "Did I really just do that?"  The rest is history.  Her outward beauty was matched by an inner beauty that shone through in how she pursued God and loved others.  This truly was my soul mate and so I pursued her.  I committed to her.  I love her.  To this day, I am glad for that one line, "To meet you!"  Through all of the ups and downs in our life and relationship I have never regretted that day (As cheesy as it was).