Help I'm a Mom: I Am Not Enough

When parenting, have  you ever had the alarming thought "I am not enough."?

If you haven't, Iii am glad for you,  but please don't give those of us who have a weird, uncomprehending look. Your moment is either coming or you are blessed. If your moment is coming, you know who to call. If you are blessed, I am glad for you, please try not to make me feel less capable than I already feel.

The moment hit me early. My daughter was a week old, sleeping sweetly in her bassinet. I stood beside her watching her in the dim light and I felt overwhelmed all of a sudden at what the world would throw her way, the things she would need to learn and know. I felt small and ill-equipped. I knew I would let her down and wouldn't be enough. So we decided to have two more children and maximize the damage!! 

Ha! Just kidding, these are not the moments a couple remembers when they choose to grow their family. 

I cannot count the number of times I have felt this. Growing up is hard. I personally think it hurts worse watching your children go through it. For everything they go through, I am not enough.

I don't have all the answers, I don't have all the tools. I am limited by my own strengths and weaknesses, knowledge and experience. I am limited by my own limits. 

I am not enough.

We have had experiences in parenting when I have felt hopelessly wanting. Situations have arisen where I have been completely beyond my understanding, ability, and depth. Where even the place to start eludes me.

It is scary, heart-wrenching and the worst possible place to be. 

Or is it?

When I am desperate, I react in a few ways.

First,  I cry out to God. It is now my first instinct. I know some of you don't believe, some are not sure what they believe, and others actually feel let down by Him, forgotten or maybe even think God is against you. 

I have had my fights with God. In the middle of a situation, I do not always see what He is doing or what His end game is. Hindsight is perfect. I have learned from experience that if I tuck in close to Him, ask Him to show me where He is at work and what He is doing I can trust Him. Sometimes I don't get to see what He is doing, sometimes only hindsight shows me. Other times He has acted quickly and obviously. In the end, He is my only hope and so I turn to Him and ask Him to direct me.

Second, I seek to increase my tool belt. Usually, an obvious deficiency has been revealed. I do this through talking to people with the skill, knowledge or connections that will help me learn.i research, read books and devise patterns and plans for my behavior and reactions or interactions. I prayerfully ask God to reveal what I need and where to find it, then I ask what I am to do and when I am to do it. 

Third, I have learned to pay attention to the moment, I have learned to not let my mind run wild with 'what ifs' or possible outcomes. That is borrowing trouble. I have learned to stop worrying, pray and trust. Decades of work in a few simple sentences. It comes down to training your brain and dealing with what is right in front of you.

Fourth, I let people into what is going on. God has given us trusted friends who have loved us through many hard times. They help give perspective, insight, support and distraction. Laughter is the best medicine and they have been faithful in helping us laugh in spite of the struggle or pain we face. They help us keep our hope and focus on the step we are on. They support us with encouragement and prayer. It takes a village to raise a child and in my experience, it takes a village to support parents as they raise a child. Our people have helped us keep our heads above the water and our eyes focused where they need to be, on the face of Jesus. 

If you feel you are not enough, it is because you are not. 

And that is OK.

Because if you look at your life, the resources, people, and situations you find yourself in, what you need is within grasp. Somewhere close by is the tool, person, insight or action that you need. Sometimes we have to fight harder and go further than we feel capable of.  Even when the way is dark and a happy ending seems impossible, we can have hope. 

If you are feeling like you are not enough, it is alright. many of us understand.

We have been there.
Maybe we are there.

Take a risk, let someone know what you are feeling and 
if you can find the courage, what you are facing.

I have been there.

I am not enough.