As I sat contemplating Mother's Day, the thought came to me that I can never fully express to my children how much I love them. I can never get them to completely understand my heart for them. This may be one of my biggest frustrations. The inability to adequately express all my heart holds for them.
I have mentioned in other posts that one of the things the Holy Spirit prepared me for as a child was to be a mother. I knew it, deep, deep in my soul, very early. Not just a mother to my own children, but as someone to walk with others on a Spiritual Journey. As a mother would. Lead, guide, encourage, walk alongside. This is part of who I am. When I say "my kids" I am not talking only about the ones I gave birth to. I have many who I love just as dearly as my own. I am often overwhelmed by the capacity to love these as much as my own. I am almost afraid the intensity of the love God has given me for them will freak them out!!!
I rely on actions, and words to show my kids how desperately I love them. I know you do too. It is why we grab onto sayings like "I love you to the moon and back". There are no words or actions that can demonstrate my love enough.
There is no way my kids will know the depth or breadth of my fierceness for them. I have to temper my protective instinct. Instead, I turn it to prayer and trust in God. There are appropriate moments to be protective; however, even then I have to control it. It would terrify people!
My kids will never know how hard it is to wait for them to see in themselves all that I see. They are incredible. Not perfect, definitely flawed, but so gifted and talented and amazing. I cannot tell them, they do not believe me when I do. I have to wait for God, life and time to unveil it. My heart bursting with all that I see in them.
When they hurt, I hurt. This is an almost unbearable pain. At times I have thought it might break me. They are not alone, never are they alone. there are no words for watching a child suffer. This is one of the most difficult aspects of a Mother's heart.
How can I express that I am for them? All the time! They cannot ever lose my love or loyalty. Even when I challenge, correct, set a boundary or discipline, I am doing so to make them better. Everything I do is motivated by that. I am always on their team. When they want to give up, I want to make sure it is for the right reasons so that they will not have regrets. When they can't go on I push them because I know they can. While this makes them frustrated, angry or sometimes downright hostile with me, I am willing to stand my ground because I see the end game.
Dear ones, I am for you!!
How does one express that just the sight of their face brings me joy? Just the thought of them fills my heart. All they have to do is exist and my heart is full. That is all it takes. They are enough. They do not have to do anything or behave a certain way. They are my delight. Words fail to express how deep and rich this is.
I know many of you know what I am talking about. Most of you can probably express it better.
The biggest gift on Mother's day is being able to live life with my biological children and those who have let me 'adopt' them. ( I cannot post pics of you because I haven't got permission!! If you think you might be "my kid" You are!!! ) You fill my heart and my life. It is the biggest blessing and the best part of life! Thank you for letting me love you.
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