Help I'm a Mom: Haven't I Been Saying That!?!

Has your jaw ever hit the floor in the midst of watching one of your children receive and act on advice from another person? I have experienced this phenomenon, numbed with shock, while screaming in my head "Haven't I been saying that!?!"

It is one of those wonderful truths about parenting. I personally believe it is where the age old adage "It takes a village" comes from. Really!


As parents, we know our kids well. Often we know what is wrong before our kids do. We know what needs to happen. We know darn it!!

The problem is, we often are not the ones who can tell them.  Yeah, I know it's frustrating, but there it is!

It is not that our kids don't listen to us. They do. In lots of areas they ask, listen and apply. There are just some critical areas of life that they need input from others. In reality I do not resent this, even though I sound like I do. If I take an honest look at myself, there are things I need to hear from other people too.

The reason I am thinking about it is that it just recently happened again. As I reflect on the situation, I see a change in my approach to it. I am learning and growing! This is very, very exciting!!!

A few months ago I could see one of our kids start struggling. I knew it was because they were wrestling to figure out where God time fit in. Their soul was drying up as they went without filling up at the well of Living Water. It actually physically hurt to witness.

I started to pray.

Every so often they would process out loud and ask my advice. I tried to carefully ask questions, had they considered this or that. No action steps were taken.

I kept praying.

As their soul began to wither, I asked if there was a possibility of connecting with their Mentor. Time went by, they hadn't yet.

I kept praying.

Finally, this child reached the end of themselves. With resignation, they connected with their Mentor and received the words they were not able to receive previously. Whew!

Wait a minute, hadn't I been saying that!?!

Just kidding! As long as they hear it from someone eventually, I am happy!

Sometimes the timing is off. I have learned to pray first. They may not be in a place where their soul is ready to receive the truth. God isn't in a hurry. If I push through and speak to something before the Holy Spirit has had time to prep the ground of my child's heart, I may actually cause them to become hardened, less ready to receive the truth they need to hear. This is the complete opposite of what I want!

Just because they have asked my advice does not mean they are ready for it. I have learned rather than to tell them what I see, it is better to ask questions and help guide them to uncover it. What they know in their mind, they may not know in their heart yet. It takes a while for both to come together.  I cannot get frustrated when they don't act. It doesn't mean nothing is happening, their heart or will is catching up with their mind. Patience and grace in this window is hard but necessary.

We have always known that the more loving adults our kids have in their lives the better.  We prayed fervently for this. Our kids are safer the more people they know who can guide them in wisdom, know them, speak into their lives and love them. It takes a village, it became an adage for a reason. I cannot be jealous of their voice into our kids life. I am thankful for it, rely on it and treasure it. They are helping us raise our children to succeed.

My privileged position in my kids lives is to see what their next challenge is and start to pray. I pray that God will move ahead of them, soften their hearts, make them ready. My job is to fight on my knees, cover them in prayer and invite God into the challenge before they even know they need to.

My knowledge of my child gives me an advantage, I know where their hang ups are, where they will be tempted to fight rather than submit. I know where they are vulnerable and where their wounds are.  I know them. I use this intimate knowledge to plead with God for mercy, direction and discernment. I have unique insight into how to pray for them because I know them. This is an awesome advantage.

 I have learned that I am not always the one to speak to their situation. I ask God when I should speak and when I should be silent. This is hard. The better you know me, the more you appreciate how hard this is where my kids are concerned. You've read my posts!!!

It's alright if in my brain I am screaming "Haven't I been saying that!?!" if they grasp truth in the end. I am realizing that my job is mostly to pray for God to be moving ahead of them.