Called To Love

Do you ever wake up and think, "I just cannot read the news today!"? Do you ever feel sick and tired of this world? How do you respond?

Those who know me well will tell you I feel things intensely and deeply. So much that it can threaten to immobilize me.

I was talking with someone who could not understand why people would waste time in anger when it was more sensible to move through sadness, loss, love or difficult emotions.

I know why.

For those of us who feel things intensely, anger is actually less scary. It does not feel like it is drowning us. It makes us feel like we have some control when things are overwhelming us. When we feel so deeply that the weight of the emotion is crushing us, anger is easier. It masquerades in a way that doesn't seem so threatening.

Yeah, it is pretend control, at first it appears not as devastating as the emotion we are fleeing from.

I feel the threatening crush of sorrow for this broken world right now. There is so much that is vile, broken and just simply wrong. Ugly, so ugly!

My Spiritual Director once told me that the depth of emotion I feel is a gift, a window to the heart of God. A unique ability to feel what He feels for a lost world that He loves so much. She said those intense emotions were meant to be a catalyst, a drive He longs to use in my life to pray for His kingdom to be built on earth.

I remember thinking she was crazy. Seriously!?! This overwhelming emotion threatens, regularly, to destroy me. I cannot bear it.

She reminded me I was not meant to bear it. When that happens, my eyes have fallen off the face of my Wondrous Creator and onto the chaos of people. I have let hopelessness make it's home in my heart, a heart that was created to be the dwelling of hope.

I am currently reading Eugene Peterson's Run With The Horses: A Quest For Life At It's Best. It is a close look at the life of Jeremiah. The Weeping Prophet. It has been very profound for me.
I highly recommend this book. I think I have highlighted half of what I have read. It is a challenging, thought provoking book. Powerful!

A few weeks back I came across these passages. They stuck. I have been mulling and pondering.
The first quote is one I am unfortunately guilty of.

"We underestimate God and we overestimate evil. We don’t see what God is doing and conclude that he is doing nothing. We see everything that evil is doing and think it is in control of everyone."

When my sorrow threatens to break me, it is because I have lost sight of God and what he is doing.

"What is God doing? He is saving; he is rescuing; he is blessing; he is providing; he is judging; he is healing; he is enlightening. There is a spiritual war in progress, an all-out moral battle. There is evil and cruelty, unhappiness and illness. There is superstition and ignorance, brutality and pain. God is in continuous and energetic battle against all of it. God is for life and against death. God is for love and against hate. God is for hope and against despair. God is for heaven and against hell. There is no neutral ground in the universe. Every square foot of space is contested."

I have a choice. Do I join Him? Or do I give into despair and in essence set myself against Him? Remember, there is no neutral ground. I am either on God's side or not.

Putting this back into perspective helps kick me into action.

I want to fix the world. The problem is so much bigger than me. God has not called me to that. He has called me to love.  Where I am, who is in my life. That is my act of rebellion against the hate and evil that threatens to take over this world. That is how I fight alongside my King.

I am called to pour His love out.

I have to feel in order to do this. I have to set aside anger and feel the depths of grief, sorrow and love to to do this. Anger will not let me do what I am called to do. I cannot be afraid to feel.

My small act of love may be folding my kids laundry. Helping them get their lunch ready when they are tired and overwhelmed by all they have to do. It may be washing the dishes or holding my tongue. Loving is treating those around me with the love and consideration That I would like.

Putting love into the world means listening to the struggles my client is going through and praying for them.

To pour out love out means I choose to pray for those causing devastation around the globe, that they may find truth and turn from hate.

It may seem small. Inconsequential. It may feel like the impact is minimal. But is a piece in a larger story. I may want to be like the guy who figured how to make awesome Lego houses for the poor. He is solving a waste problem and addressing the need for housing! How incredible is that!?! I love it!!!!! That is his job, I have mine.  If I try to do that, who will do what I have been called to?  Who will love who I have been called to love? Who will pray what I have been called to pray?

I was not called to some great stage to change the world. I will be a cheerleader for those called to do big things. I will celebrate their answers to the challenges of this world.

I will not compare myself to them. I will do what is asked of me.

I am called to love, here, where I am.