Raising Kids: How We Approached "The Birds and The Bees"

I grew up in an unusual home. My mother, being a nurse, approached topics like puberty, intercourse and everything else in a very calm, factual manner. I didn't realize how unique that was until working with youth and young adults.

When we asked her where puppies came from, or kitties. She asked us if we wanted to know where human babies came from as well. When the answer was yes, we trucked off to the library and came home with age appropriate books. When kids scandalously asked me if I knew what S.E.X was, I couldn't figure out why they were whispering or why they thought if was dirty.  Mom had beat them to the punch and made it an acceptable topic. A topic that didn't need to be whispered about or hidden from.

When our kids approached that age, we did like wise. We went to the library and got a book. We talked calmly and without shame. We used proper names for body parts. We treated is as a safe topic in our home.

If you have a quiet child, you may be the one who needs to bring it up. Usually around 5 years of age is when they start to wonder where puppies and kittens come from.

By being the first to talk with me, Mom accomplished a few incredibly valuable things.

1. She became my source for reliable information.
2. She earned the right to share her values with me.
3. She set the tone making talking about sex something that wasn't shameful.
4. She made herself approachable.
5. She made me realize I could approach her about anything, nothing was off limits
6. She normalized it. I had no trouble talking with my kids because she made it normal. The boys can go to Craig because we made it normal.They now know they can come to us. It is normal, sometimes they are embarrassed, sometimes we need to open the door again. It has to be normal.

Our children are growing up in a hyper sexualized world. It is having a damaging effect. We need to be a step ahead. We need to arm ourselves with knowledge. We need to make ourselves their source of information. We need to be calm, factual and nonjudgmental. We need to shower them with unconditional love!

The impact and resulting damage of porn on young men and women is starting to create a health crisis. Our boys, and yes I mean boys, 11-12 year olds are boys, and are likely already exposed to porn even in-spite of all the safe guards you have put in place. What they are exposed to in watching porn is becoming what shapes their arousal, expectation and appetite.  Girls are beginning to think they have no choice. If they want to be in control of their own bodily functions as adults, they need to have their power given back to them. This is not a subject we can stick our heads in the sand on. We have got to engage. If you are not convinced, please read this article.

It isn't too late. Your kids are not too old for you to take on this topic. Dive in and blunder on. Pick a topic and a time frame, weekly, every other week. At some point your kids will take over and drive the conversation. It is up to you to show them that they can!

A few resources we found helpful were: