The Path of Peace

Have you ever wondered what it would be like for Mary? I am always astounded with how she responded to the news the Angels proclaimed to her. News that would threaten to break up her engagement, make her an outcast and most likely make everyone think that she has lost her mind. 

God had been silent for 400 years. Why would anyone believe that He had sent His angels to talk to her? 

In the midst of all of that, her response is,  “I am the Lord’s servant, may your word to me be fulfilled.” 

That is a very agreeable response to such life changing information. I have always wanted a heart that responds like Mary's. She is a class act. If you have read any of my post's you know I am hesitant and argue with God. Sure, I don't get a face to face with Angels, but honestly, I don't think it would change much. Mary is truly one of a kind!

Maybe I identify with Zechariah more. He laughed when the angel told him that he and his elderly wife would finally have a son. As a result, he was not able to speak until his son was born and confirmed that he and his wife would name him John. You would think I might learn something from that ;).

Zechariah’s Song is found in Luke chapter one.

His father Zechariah was filled with the Holy Spirit and prophesied:

 “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel,

    because he has come to his people and redeemed them.

He has raised up a horn[c] of salvation for us

    in the house of his servant David

(as he said through his holy prophets of long ago),

 salvation from our enemies

    and from the hand of all who hate us—

 to show mercy to our ancestors

    and to remember his holy covenant,

    the oath he swore to our father Abraham:

to rescue us from the hand of our enemies,

    and to enable us to serve him without fear

     in holiness and righteousness before him all our days.

 And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High;

    for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him,

 to give his people the knowledge of salvation

    through the forgiveness of their sins,

 because of the tender mercy of our God,

    by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven

 to shine on those living in darkness

    and in the shadow of death,

to guide our feet into the path of peace.”

I love this song, I love what it declares about who God is and the mercy of his plan for redemption. It is a declaration of God's might, faithfulness and kindness. It is powerful to me. It causes praise to rise in me from the depths of my soul.  "Because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace." 

God has given us the light, removed the shadow of death and gave us the path to peace.  All that, delivered with the child promised to Mary. A baby. Thank you Lord!

God with us

I love to sit in my living room when the house is decorated for Christmas. In the darkness the lights of the Christmas tree glow, the ornaments glitter and there is an atmosphere of calm solitude.

At the base of the tree, we set up a Nativity scene. It is to remind us of the meaning of this season. 

Why is Christ's birth so significant? Why is Immanuel, God with us, so life changing?

God unwraps this truth a little more for me all the time. There is more to Christ's birth and death than we can comprehend. Not only did he take on our sin and pay for it. Not only does Christ cover us through his sacrifice and make us right with God. He lived a human life. He knows our joy, He knows our pain. He knows our struggle. He knows our life.

Christ does not look at us when we mess up and do a face palm, or shake his head. He sits at the right hand of the Father and actively prays for us. 

How do I even try to understand the greatness of that!?! 

His prayers for us are personal, empathetic and powerful because he has lived the life we live. He gets it. Personally. Intimately. He identifies with all of it. He even knows the weight of sin because God put it on him when Christ was on the cross.

He knows.

Christ was both God and man. This is a difficult truth for many. Our finite minds cannot fully comprehend the infinite. Jesus set aside his power to live here as a man so that he could relate personally to us. It was about so much more than dying for and redeeming us. He wants to enter all of life with us. To do that, he chose to live a human life. What other god has done that?

Have you ever been lied about? Slandered? Jesus was. He can be with you, in that pain, understanding and knowing it. Have you lost someone close to you? That physical ache of loss is known to Jesus,  he mourned with others over Lazarus. Have you been betrayed? Abused? Opposed? Misunderstood? Have you been frustrated with people who are slow to catch a vision? Do you struggle with family? Jesus knows all this and more. 

Why does this matter so much? 

Have you ever struggled and had someone who had a similar experience go through it with you? They know what to say and what not to say. They know your hurt and handle it carefully. They can walk alongside like no one else. 

That is Jesus. 

That is Immanuel, God with us. 

How amazing is that? What lengths he has gone to. What great love and power.

He is not some God, sitting back removed from us or judging us. 

We have access to Jesus, who, identifies, empathizes and walks with us in life.

He sits at the right hand of the Father actively praying for us. This is God's perfect plan. More than a mighty act of salvation but a personal relationship. A relationship based on understanding and compassion.

Immanuel.

God with us.

Advent- A Preparation

Christmas is a time full of traditions. From the baking to the music we listen to. Christmas lights to games like "hide the thimble."

Certain traditions are a vital part of getting my heart and mind ready to celebrate the season, and it's meaning. As a Christian, Christ is central to our relationship with God. Sending his son to earth was God's grace. Christ made a way for us to enjoy an intimate relationship with Him again. Without Christ coming as a baby and living among us, we would not have access to God. That is why we celebrate his birth, death and resurrection. 

As a little girl, I looked forward to lighting the Advent wreath. It was a practice we did at home and church. It is a tradition meant to help prepare our hearts. I find it provides focus to the season. I appreciate it because it allows me to build a rhythm.  A quiet place where truth, clarity and gratitude can grow. 

There are four candles for the four Sunday's of Advent and then a Christ candle. There are numerous themes for Advent. We celebrated the themes of Hope, Peace, Joy and Love. On Christmas Eve or Christmas Day the Christ candle it lit. In Him, all these things find their fullness, and we look forward to His return.

With the recent world events, we are all very aware of the darkness that has marred creation. Advent helps me place my focus back where it belongs.  On Jesus.

Hope~Isaiah 9:2

The people who walked in darkness

    have seen a great light;

those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,

    on them has light shone.

Peace ~ Isaiah 9:6-7

For to us a child is born,

    to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon his shoulder,

    and his name shall be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

 Of the increase of his government and of peace

    there will be no end,

on the throne of David and over his kingdom,

    to establish it and to uphold it

with justice and with righteousness

    from this time forth and forevermore.

The zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this.

Joy~Isaiah 2:7-10

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of those who bring the happy news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel reigns. The watchmen shout and sing with joy, for right before their eyes they see the Lord God bring his people home again. Let the ruins of Jerusalem break into joyous song, for the Lord has comforted his people; he has redeemed Jerusalem. The Lord has bared his holy arm before the eyes of all the nations; the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God.

Love~1John 4:13-16

By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.  And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

Christ's birth set it all in motion. His life, death, resurrection and coming return are the consummation. In this time, we wait patiently for him. Advent is a tool used to help us focus. It creates space to celebrate with profound gratitude the happy news of peace and salvation. God with us. 

A Response to Fear

Reading through social media this week, it became clear that the global events of the last days took away our compassion and replaced it with fear.  Only a couple of months ago the site of a small boy, who died in a desperate run for freedom resulted in people pushing governments to open borders. Now there is a push to close our borders. In Canada, a Mosque was burned, a Hindu temple vandalized. A Muslim women was attacked in Toronto. These are the actions of cowardly people. These are the actions of fear.

I do believe in the system, proper background checks, proper accountability. Instead of closing our borders, we should be asking our government to keep our immigration ministry workers overseas so there is a better chance of proper information being found. At this point they want to remove all overseas workers and do the whole job from Canada. That is right, in reality the dollar means more than the safety of our citizens both those here and the ones wanting to become part of our great country. We should not close our borders. These people need hope and a future.

When I was a young mother, we were experiencing circumstances that caused me great fear. It began to crush me. It robbed me of joy, hope and strength. I was overwhelmed and sinking in it. During an evening with our small group. We studied the Bible and them spent some time in silence and prayer. As I quieted my mind in the presence of God, he reminded me through a vision of Jesus and his follower Peter. 

The historical account is recorded in Matthew 14:22-33 the disciples went off in the boat while Jesus stayed back to pray. The boat was off a distance and Jesus walked out on the water to it. After identifying himself, Peter asks Jesus to call him to walk on the water. It was at this point I saw things from Peters viewpoint. Getting out of the boat, looking at the face of Jesus. Then, feeling the strength of the wind against my face. My eyes falling from Jesus to see the waves and wind around me. Sinking, panic, fear. Crying out "Lord, save me!". Feeling the strength of a firm grip on my arm and being pulled to safety. 

I felt God gently tell me "Keep your eyes on my face, don't look at the storm around you." 

Keep your eyes on my face.

The fear left. Each day, my purpose was to keep my eyes on Jesus. Peace, hope and joy returned to my soul.

You see, we kid ourselves thinking we can control our world, our circumstances, our lives. We cannot. We don't. It is a delusion we try desperately to keep in place until unimaginable events take place.

Keeping my eyes on Jesus casts away fear because it brings assurance. To live is Christ, to die is gain (Philippians 1:21). Either way, I am secure. I have nothing to fear. I can live in freedom because I know the love, faithfulness and goodness of my Lord. I know he has it all under control and he is worthy of my complete trust. I know his will endures in spite of the plans of men. I know he is just, true and sovereign.

For those impacted personally by the chaos, I pray fear will not take hold of your life. I pray freedom for you.

I reject fear. It only steals and robs my soul of all that is good. When the world around me does not make sense, I look at the face of my Lord. I ask him to steady my gaze on Him. I will not let fear take away the freedom Jesus promises me. And I will seek to bring that freedom to others.

Look at the face of Jesus.  Let his perfect love chase away fear.

A Response to Chaos

I could have given up on Facebook this week. At first, the ridiculous Starbucks cup débâcle. Then the violence that struck and brought a tidal wave of opinions. Honestly, it was a lot. 

First, brothers and sisters in Christ, really!?! That is exactly the stuff the media loves to pounce on. It makes us look petty, judgmental, and it is a poor representation of the love of God. Let's be a little more discerning in the future! 

I have to laugh as I see the very people lumping all Christians into one miserable, judgemental group of ignorants,  then turn around and remind the world that not all Muslims are terrorists. I laugh because honestly, how else can I respond? I agree, Muslims are not all terrorists. The refugees are fleeing that very insanity to seek safer borders. The irony is that tolerance is promoted as a virtue, yet those promoting it are not extending it to all groups.

As a result of all the chaos, I have had the Prayer of St. Francis going through my head. I first learned these words in a children's choir. Even as a child, these words were impactful. I knew even then that the world would be so different if mankind could behave this way, if I could behave this way.

The Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console,

To be understood as to understand,

To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.

It isn't my natural response, it is the response that comes from being close to God.

In my heart of hearts, this is who I want to be. In reality, well...

That is why I have been meditating on these words. That is why I beg God to change my human nature.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Amen

Catch and Release. Wait, WHAT???

I am sitting in the airport waiting for a flight. It is Sister's Weekend!! Yay!! I love these small get aways with my sister. So awesome!!

This time we are meeting in Calgary. Shopping, good food, girl talk. THE BEST! And for any and all sisters, a necessity!!

This time we get to see my sweet girl and her team play some Volleyball. I am barely able to acknowledge my excitement for fear I may completely startle the people around me. I am worried that if I let the door open a little, the damn will break. It is quite likely that would result in a 911 call because the elderly person sitting 10 feet to my right may have a heart attack. That is how excited I am.

I have not seen my girls' sweet face in 75 days. I only counted for writing this, really! For 18 years I have cared for this precious offspring. At the most we have spent a week apart.  I know she is an adult, but let's be honest, in my heart of hearts, she is my baby girl! 75 days!!! 

At this point I would like to acknowledge there are different kinds of Mom's. We each approach our role uniquely. That is good, in fact, it is great! I will celebrate your strengths and difference, in return, please allow me mine. Diversity is good people :)

I am the Mom that gets grumpy when school supplies turn up in the stores in the middle of July. What is up with that?! We haven't even had time to unwind from the year we just finished! 

I start slipping into a funk at the end of August because September is right around the corner.  It takes all my will power to not snap when yet another cashier reminds me that school is starting soon. No I am not eager to send my kids off again! We are having fun!! 

I count down the days to Christmas break and throw a party when I find out Spring Break is two glorious weeks. 

While I know my kids need to get a summer job,  I do not want to share the precious little time I have left. I feel this on the inside while I tell them " No way are you lying around next summer! It is time for you to experience real work! You are getting a job!!" I say it emphatically, and convincingly I might add. Then at night when they are asleep, I ask Craig if they really need to, I want to play instead. Yeah, I know, poor Craig! For these reasons, in order to prevent overwhelming our children with, well...me, it was good we handed them over for someone else to educate. I am jealous of all who get more time with them than me. That is the truth.

You may be a Mom who rejoices with what causes me grief. I may feel dismay at what brings you great happiness. I am okay with that. It is alright that we do this differently, I am convinced these differences are fantastic,  you are an amazing Mom! 

So for the first time in my life, I have not seen my sweet daughter for 75 days in a row. Yes, to those of you with little ones tugging on your pant legs, it is going to happen. Sooner than you think. It is completely unimaginable. In truth, it is totally splendid and thoroughly awful all at once. 

In 1 sleep, I will see her sweet face. Oh, how I miss it!! I will see her stunning eyes that with one glance tell me everything I need to know. I will hear her beautiful voice, laugh and wit. Best of all, I will get to wrap her up in my arms and hug her tight,  give her rosy cheek a kiss, and run my hands through her gorgeous hair tempted beyond belief to braid it as I did when she was little.

The next part, well I am not so sure how to do it. I do not actually think I will be able to unwrap the hug. I don't think I will actually be able to release her. No, really! Honest! I mean it! I am actually afraid I will just drag her back home like a Mother bear bring her cub back to the den. Can't you just see it??? Lord. Have. Mercy. I can't breath!!

Tears are streaming down my face as I type this in the airport lobby. How am I going to let her go?! Help... I still can't breath!!

I am glad it is my sister coming with me. As an older sister, she is immune to my tears. My awesome, and amazing husband simply is not. She alone is equipped for this first official "catch and release" visit. 

First, she may be small but she is shockingly strong and incredibly willful, if needed, I believe she will be able to pry me off and free my daughter. Secondly, she can effectively employ the technique of mocking to shame me into appropriate behaviour. She has had decades of unique training for this as an older sibling. It is a super power she has keenly honed to perfection. Finally, to avoid the drama little sisters resort to, she has developed her skills of wit and humour.  She has learned exactly how and when to get me to laugh instead of cry. She is excellent at this. Enough said. 

So while, I am thrilled, I am also a little apprehensive. I have the perfect companion for this adventure. Thank you Lord. What a gift my Sister is! So...here we go!!!

Don"t Throw the Baby Out With The Bathwater!

I am currently trying to encourage one of my sons to read a book he doesn't agree with conceptually. Just the conversations we have had about trying to engage with information that does not suit our perspective has been amazing, thought provoking and, for me, fun!

Critical thinking is something we deeply value. We have always encouraged our kids to challenge ideas. As they have gotten older, we are trying to encourage them to challenge and evaluate their beliefs and ideas.

It is easy to slip into lazy thinking. I am guilty of this, so much so sometimes I completely miss the point of something. (Just ask my cousin whose satirical posts I respond to before my morning coffee!) :)

The biggest trap for me is getting stuck reading material that agrees with my world view. If all I do is validate my perspective with information that agrees with me, I risk becoming a lazy thinker. I have to consistently look for material and sources that challenge me. Is it comfortable? No! I often find myself having strong reactions, maybe feeling incredulous or even angry. When that happens, I am actually at my most vulnerable intellectually. I find that I have to push on, or I may "throw the baby out with the bathwater" so to speak.

Our values of diversity and critical thinking were partly responsible for choosing Public School for our children. We knew that in the public system our values as Christians would be overtly challenged, especially as our kids grew older.  We try to take advantage of those opportunities to discuss with our kids what they are learning. We have numerous opportunities to evaluate the positions presented, contrast them with our own and challenge ourselves to interact with opposing ideas.  A diversity of thinking is valuable!
I try to take advantage of textbooks lying on my kitchen table. Taking the chance to peer through them, I look for topics of study that might provide a good discussion. I question our kids about projects and what topics they were covering in classes to open dialogue.

It is important that our kids explore and challenge their faith. We do not want them to believe because we believe. We try to discuss diverse approaches to faith and the logic around them. Such discussions expose the areas we need to understand more and investigate. The ultimate goal is an honest exploration for Truth. They need to determine for themselves what they believe and why.

Our son disagrees with the premise of the book I am trying to get him to read. I have told him that I don't want him to conform to the ideas of the book. I do not ever want him just to accept information. I want him to wrestle with it, think about it from different angles and evaluate. He has a great mind, we value it and want him to use it.

I have tried to convey that it is wise for us to read the information we don't agree with whether it is about faith, science, politics, health care, vaccines, abortion, anything. I am trying to teach him the value of setting our assumptions aside.  If we read information from a perspective that is different from our own and seek to understand the position, it makes us sharper.  Honest evaluation makes us more informed, helps us better understand the other side and encourages us to challenge our own perspective. We may be surprised that there are certain things we agree on even if our conclusions are different. It is not enough to limit our reading of information that already supports what we already believe.

There are a few steps I want him to learn to take when presented with ideas that challenge his own:

1. Clearly define the premises presented and seek to understand the position presented.
2. What are the arguments used to support the premise?
3. What are the strengths of the argument, are these valid?
4. What are weaknesses of the argument, what is invalid?
5. What points do I find convincing, worthy of consideration or do I agree with? Why?
6. What points do I find unconvincing, or do I disagree with? Why?
7. In what way am I emotionally reacting with the information? Do I want to mock the logic Am I feeling angry? Am I dismissing it with incredulity? Why?
8. What are my counter arguments?
9. Has this exposed a weakness in my own thinking? What steps am I going to take in response?
10. What areas of my own position do I need to understand more fully or investigate more?

This kind of parenting requires much effort. Mostly because I need to lead by example and take the time necessary to engage. The more I read through social media, the more I am committed to it.

I want to raise kids who are open to respectful dialogue. I want them to take the time and effort to try to understand. I don't want them to think they know the arguments of an alternate perspective.  I want them to truly understand the logic of that perspective.  I do not want them to seek out information that supports only their own view. I want them to be well-rounded, informed thinkers. I want them to be knowledgeable and respectful of another's position. I want them to be able to critique and evaluate ideas, so they are not caught up by rhetoric given by a charismatic presenter. My goal is to raise respectful, critical thinkers.

Transforming the Mundane

We were visiting with good friends last night and talking about some of the never ending tasks of keeping a house and managing family life. It reminded me of my struggle to transition to being at home with the children.

I was excited to become a Mom. We had been married 5 years and were settled. Craig was established in his career, and I was finishing up a degree. Even if we didn't feel totally ready, we were in a pretty good spot.

I was put on bed rest over Christmas and then was hospitalized over New Years, Sydney arrived early in January. She was a small little thing. Only 6 lbs when we brought her home. She felt like she was slipping through our fingers.

It didn't take long for the reality of parenthood to set in. I loved our girl, so much that I thought my heart would burst. But I am a finisher. I like to wrap up a task and mark it done. Often at the end of a day it seemed all I had accomplished was a fresh load of diapers done, maybe not even folded yet.

It didn't take long for never ending laundry, food prep and cleaning to discourage me. I had this poignant moment of despair. I remember getting under the table to wipe the floor clean for the third time that day thinking "There has to be more!"

It isn't that I didn't love raising my family, I was home full time with them for 10 years. I just needed more. I loved ditching the housework to play and have fun with the kids but let's be honest, housework has to be finished sometime. A lot of our lives are lived working at the mundane, repetitive tasks. It was then I stumbled across the Practise the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. It was a book I had purchased during my years at Bible School when taking my Bachelors of Christian Ministry.

Brother Lawrence was a member of the Carmelite monastery in Paris. He entered as a lay brother, not having the education necessary to become a cleric. He spent his life working in the kitchen and as a repairer of sandals in his later years. His life was full of the repetitive mundane. As I read the book of letters compiled from his life again,  it transformed my days in a new ways.

I learned from this wise man who lived a simple life how to experience God in the midst of tasks that, while necessary, were mind numbing. 

I would use Sydney's first nap as a chance to have a cup of tea and read the Bible. Then as I worked at the dishes or housecleaning, I would meditate on a verse or thought that had been significant for me that day. Or I would pray and listen to God as I folded laundry. I slowly learned to use those mundane tasks to enjoy God's company, becoming mindful of him during my labor. 

I began to look forward to tasks that earlier had left me dying for intellectual stimulation.  Folding a basket of laundry no longer filled me with frustration at the cyclical rhythm of life. These tasks that previously left me desperate for the hope of something significant became extremely significant.  Not only were the tasks transformed but so was I. It took time, but it happened. 

I believe that the tasks that are necessary but seem so droll are an opportunity. Moments we want to fill with some other distraction are an invitation to experience God. I am so glad God led me to the example of Brother Lawrence in that stage of life. Getting under the table for the 3rd time in a day no longer filled me with a sense of hopelessness. 

I look back on that stage of life with a feeling of longing sometimes. I have not yet experienced another stage in life where I was free to experience him more. It was precious and fleeting. I sometimes wish to experience God's presence in my days to that extent again. 

I sometimes forget that folding a basket of laundry is an invitation to more. God can transform the common tasks of life into a meaningful, life-changing, moments.

Coaches Wanted!!

Just over a year ago, Sydney was at a College trying out for a sports team. We were excited at the invitation she received to come and train with the team for three days. If it hadn't been for her grade 9 Coach and a Coach who had trained her at a camp one summer, we would never have thought to pursue College. Those Coaches both saw something in our kid that we didn't have the insight or training to recognize. 

The camp Coach gave of her own free time to work with Sydney in preparation for her College tryouts. She took time out of her very busy life to training Sydney and talk to her about her mental game. It was incredibly generous. Unbelievable. This support gave Sydney the courage to take a chance.

At the end of the College try-outs, the College Coach said he really wanted to work with her. He told Sydney what he saw in her.  The qualities he mentioned were the same things those previous Coaches had recognized. She is at that College; her name is on the roster, and she is being challenged in her skill and character because of people who gave their time, encouraged her, believed in her and supported her.

This last month Craig was invited to work with our son's team. He is focusing development in the areas of character and team behaviour. Quin's coach recognized that it was not enough to train together. In order to reach their potential as a team, they needed to start working on character and team attitude. Recognizing her limited time, she was incredibly grateful for Craig's willingness to support this area of training.

I am almost jealous of Craig's chance to work with these guys. They are a fantastic group of young men. As Craig has engaged them in the areas of personal values, team values and individual character they have been receptive and responded with a sincere commitment.   They have risen to the challenge. They are hungry for the input, and they are working it out, on and off the court. It has been a transformation, not yet perfect, but moving rapidly in the right direction. Craig is extremely impressed with them. He looks forward to his time with them.

We have often told our kids that their love for and participation in sport is about much more than their personal enjoyment and success. Sport is about developing and honouring the gifts God has given to them. It is about using the opportunities given to them for developing relationships, character and playing to bring joy and delight to their Maker. He is the one who wired them for this. They are His light where he puts them. Every team, a chance to love the people around them well.

What I am seeing is an incredible opportunity for Adults to bring out the best in the next generation. Some schools are scrambling for Coaches. This is a huge need. Craig and I have often considered training for Coaching as a way to give our time to the next generation in meaningful ways. 

Coaching is an excellent opportunity to guide youth in the development of their character, teamwork and mutual respect. The youth of today are ready to be called higher. They will quickly meet the expectation and ask for more. Parents are glad for the support. We all know it takes a village to raise our kids. The input to our child's life from dedicated, caring, honest adults is something many of us are glad for. 

There is a need. We, the Church, could meet it.  Imagine!!!

Grace, I didn't really get it

Have you ever been completely laid bare? You know, seen yourself for who you really are? It happened in my mid-twenties. It was a necessary part of fully understanding God's lavish grace. I grew up hearing about it. I thought I understood it.  It wasn't until I got a good look at myself, acknowledging that I was by nature sinful, my desires self-centred, my instincts self-serving that I could grasp the concept of grace completely. I saw myself honestly, without God's grace and mercy on me, I was fully capable of every sin. 

Every. Single. One.

Initially I was so disgusted by my true heart that even though I knew about grace, I tried to fix myself up. I got stuck in the trap of trying to make myself more worthy. I tried to fight my sin, have victory and show God that I was worth his time. I understood grace intellectually, but my heart struggled to receive grace's truth and freedom. 

Focusing on victory was focusing on my sin. Inevitably I failed. I  felt worse and withdrew farther from God. I was overwhelmed by how unworthy of his love I was. It became a hopeless cycle, struggle, fail, berate myself, promise myself and God that I would do better and then start from the beginning again. Over and over.  

One day, in the midst of this struggle, overwhelmed by my sinfulness and failure we had a Small Group Christmas party to go to. I did not want to go. At all! I was crushed, burdened by the futility and overwhelmed by the hopelessness of my human effort. I felt heavy with the weight of my sin and failure. I was so unworthy of God's love and I knew it to my core.

We stopped at the grocery store to pick up some party items. I went in alone, gathered my things and got into line. As I placed my items on the till, I noticed the difference between my purchases and the man I front of me. He was a homeless man. A person I had seen around town frequently. My items were all nonessential frilly party items. He was purchasing items for a meal, a small meal. Necessities.

I felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me. God asked me to pay for his items. I knew my face was splotchy from crying that day, I didn't want to cause a scene or draw attention to myself. God pressed harder on my heart. I quietly spoke, "Could I purchase your items?". He didn't seem to hear, I thought I was off the hook. The Holy Spirit nudged me again. God asked me to touch the gentleman on the shoulder and ask.  I didn't know if he might have a mental illness and be freaked out about a stranger touching him. I still didn't want to make a move that would draw attention. I wrestled with God a while.  The Holy Spirit pressed more firmly. I reached out, put my hand on his shoulder and asked if I could pay for his items. He gratefully agreed and was so appreciative. I was so moved by his response.

So much happened through that small act of obedience. At that moment my heart was full, I finally understood, more than at an intellectual level. In my sin, in my unworthiness God used me to love on another. He showed me that though I am unworthy, he doesn't see me that way. He sees me as His chosen child, forgiven through the blood of Christ. He has declared me clean. He showed me that though I am unworthy, he can work through me if I am willing to obey. As I receive his grace, I can be an agent of his grace to others. My heart finally understood.

It was a powerful moment as this gentleman expressed his appreciation, the cashier teared up, and I cried. I cried because God still wanted to work in and through me, even though I was undeserving, flawed and human.

I thought I knew God's grace. It wasn't until that moment that I recognized the real worth of the gift God offered me. I fully knew in my heart the truth of his unconditional love and fullness of his forgiveness. I understood completely that there was absolutely nothing that I could offer or bring to the table. Wretch that I am, God chose to love me.  I finally came to understand grace. 

I learned true gratitude. Understanding grace created a heart within me that overflowed with thanksgiving and love for God's mercy. It drove me to spend time in his presence, learn more about him and love him more truly.  As I focused on him, victory over sin began to happen. He honoured my hearts desire to grow in the Fruit of the Spirit. I am thankful for this, there are no words adequate to express it. 

I have been asking God about my blind spots, what character issues he wants to transform.  From my perspective, there are SO many!!! I get discouraged by how far I still need to go. There are parts of who I am that I fight and struggle with. Parts of me I just don't like. I want to know what he wants to transform. As I focus on him, I know he will be faithful and take care of it. He has surrounded me by people who love and extend grace to me in my imperfections and failings. My sin keeps me humble, reminds me of my desperate need for God and fills me with longing for heaven.

I long for the day when my motives will be truly pure. When I can love others as God loved me. It makes me think of one of our favorite quotes by C.S. Lewis from the Silver Chair:

“Sir,” said Caspian, “I've always wanted to have just one glimpse of their world. Is that wrong?”“You cannot want wrong things any more, now that you have died, my son,” said Aslan.

Heaven is going to be so incredible!

Our Ladies Bible Study is doing a study on Colossians. The teacher, Matt Chandler, had a great quote. He said, "Jesus isn't in love with some future version of you." That is what God helped me understand that day. He is reminding me of it. God does love me. Just as I am. Wow!

Flexibility...

Flexibility is a trait my husband has in spades. It is one of his many attributes that I greatly admire and value. Okay, maybe even covet. He is unflappable! He gets thrown a curve ball and he seamlessly rolls with it. From where I sit, it looks effortless. It has always amazed me. He is the embodiment of calm under pressure.

I know you think I am exaggerating because I am head over heels in love, I can't be trusted. Well, first of all, I am completely hopeless at deception and lying. Honestly, I gave it up by age eight because my Dad told me I was terrible at it and I always got caught. Second of all, 23 years of marriage keeps it real.  Thirdly, you can ask anyone who works with him. 

One of the reasons I love and admire this about Craig is that I, myself, do not have this trait. If plans change, it takes me a good while to switch tracks. It takes a great deal of intentionality for me. It is something about myself that I find frustrating.

I value flexibility because of its fruit. It presents itself along with character traits like, calmness, patience, gentleness, slow to anger, realistic expectations, carefully chosen words and peacefulness. Those are all amazing qualities! I want more of these traits in my life.

So, I did what I know to do. I asked God to teach me how to be flexible.

That's right. That is what I did!

I have loved Jesus long enough to know that if my hearts desire is to overcome my flaws and weaknesses, he will honour that. He knows if I am serious about it or not.

He knew I was serious about this.

The problem with increasing flexibility is it involves stretching. To to point of discomfort and often pain.  Growing in flexibility hurts.  It is important to be prepared for discouragement. 

God has used a number of challenges these last couple of years to give me the opportunity to work with him in growing to be flexible.  It began when my left ovary grew a cantaloupe sized cyst which threw me into emergency surgery. God was not caught off guard by this. I definitely was. There was not a lot of prep time to prepare for that one. There was; however, a lot of time to work it through post surgery. Added to an increase in free time was a major change in my recreational activity.  I refuel by getting out of the house and playing with my family. It is life giving to me. It is an essential, non-negotiable necessity. Surgery took all that away. My favourite being, water skiing and water sports with my family. It was a real challenge for me to roll with.

I struggled a lot working that out.

When I was given the go ahead to exercise, I was so excited!!  This last February, eleven months after surgery, I partially tore my rotator cuff when snowshoeing. Then re-injured it in June. My family doctor took my care to a new level which warned me it was more serious than I wanted it to be. Again, right in time for water ski season! Seriously!! 

I ended up sitting on the dock all summer.  I did my best to roll with it, I think I am getting better at it. 

At a follow up visit, I  cornered my GP and he admitted that I would most likely need surgery. He was very reluctant in saying it. When he broke the news to me he said "You are handling this really well. Most people would be crying by now!" 

I took that as a big compliment! A sign of growth :) I am learning. I am getting flexible! I am learning how to roll with it! I am not perfect yet. When I went home to tell Craig I cried. Just a little though. Honest, I wasn't sobbing or anything :)

I just saw a surgeon and it looks like surgery is in my near future. If that happens, it is 3 months off work at least, another 3 of rehab. With the proposed timeline, another summer on the dock....

Ugh! 

I am learning to take it day by day. I am learning to let go of my expectations. One of the most beautiful truths about God is that if we invite him into our lives, he gives us the chance to not waste our pain. If we cooperate with him, he makes beauty out of ashes. He redeems difficult circumstances by revealing more of who he is through them. He can help us strengthen our weaknesses through trials, pain and stretching circumstances. 

I am not looking forward to what is ahead. I am kind of dreading it honestly. I have been told by a few professionals my arm will be immobilized for a few weeks. I don't even know how to do immobilized!  While I am not excited about it, I am learning to roll with it. I have grown in gratitude. Learned to focus on the good things and let go of my expectations. I am looking forward to knowing God more and becoming more like him! In the end, I know the hard time will be worth it.

The Power of Prayer and a Kept Promise

I was sitting in a waiting room this week, across from me was a little girl. She was holding her forearm very protectively. She looked like an active, busy child, yet there she sat, docile. She looked to be the same age our daughter had been when she broke her forearm. I asked the little girl what had happened and how old she was. Sure enough, she was nine, the same age our girl was when she got hurt.

Where we live, it warms up around Easter and our family is often eager for a change in recreational activity. This particular Saturday I was at a practice while Craig was home with the kids.  He was busy working on something while the kids were dragging out their bikes and roller blades. Sydney couldn't find her safety gear & decided she would be okay without it. This decision was made with complete disregard for the family rule. Honestly, not something she would normally do.

In the middle of the practice, someone came to tell me Craig was at ER with Sydney. I honestly don't remember who it was that said this. I just remember the driving need to be with my daughter.  I excused myself from practice, checked in with my boys, picked a few things up and went to the hospital. There Craig sat with Sydney; she was lying on a gurney holding her arm rather gingerly. 

It was a displaced fracture.  The medical team was waiting for a Respiratory Specialist and other essential staff to come. They gave Sydney a drug that would prevent her from remembering what happened but, unfortunately, would not ease the pain. She begged me not to leave her. After a little while, she was getting silly as the drug took effect. At that point, the medical team was assembling and getting things in order. A friend who worked the ER stopped by and said " Lisa, you don't want to be here for this. She won't remember. Come with me." I couldn't leave, I told him "I just promised her I wouldn't leave. I have to stay." He shook his head at me, " You really, really, don't want to be here, she won't remember. You don't want to see this. She isn't going to remember anything." I told him I couldn't break my promise, I needed to stay. I would know I had broken my promise, and I couldn't live with that.

The respiratory specialist was a mom, she stood next to me keeping watch over her equipment and my girl.  I curled up by Sydney, wrapped my arms around her and began to pray softly into her ear. I think what my friend meant was, you don't want to hear this. This horrid, moaning whimper escaped from my little Peanut as two full-grown men began to pull on her forearm. They were struggling to get it into place and called a third large Doctor to help them get the needed traction. My stomach felt sick as I listened to her moan. I continued to whisper prayer into her ear. They finally finished, and mercifully her cries ended. The respiratory nurse put her hand on my back and said " I am glad you could stay with her. I can't believe you aren't falling apart, I can't help crying!" At that point, tears sprang into my eyes. The team disbanded, and my friend who had stayed said "You did good, I told you that you didn't want to be here." He gave me a hug and went on to work. 

The meds slowly wore off, they gave her a cast and eventually we got home.  A few days later we were sitting in the living room reading, and Sydney piped up " You stayed with me, Mom."

I confirmed that I had. "I could hear you praying in my ear. Thanks for staying Mom."  I told her that she couldn't remember, she had been given meds that would make her not remember. " I remember Mom, you were praying in my ear." As we talked about it we concluded that it was something God made happen to give her comfort in a difficult time.

I was amazed. How could she remember? I asked her questions about other things that happened while she was under the influence. Not one other detail could she remember. In the months that followed, every once in a while she would mention how she could hear those prayers. Every time I marveled at what an Almighty God we have. It showed me that the God of all Comfort is bigger than our fancy medicines. He allowed it to block her memory of the pain but overpowered it so that she could experience his presence and comfort through the prayers of her Mom. Prayers whispered in her ear. What an incredible and powerful gift prayer is. What a Mighty God. 

Who Is My Neighbor?

I have been reading the articles in the news about the Syrian refugee's. I have been scrolling through Facebook to see what is grabbing the attention of people. For over a year I have been praying about and working through my own attitude and thoughts on this issue. 

I cannot ignore the teaching of Jesus. He tells me to love my neighbor. Who is my neighbor? In this "global society", everyone! He tells me to love that neighbor as I want to be loved. hard words. If I call Jesus "My Lord" I am called to give what I have to another in need. The cloak off my back. More than that, I am called to love and pray for my enemy.  For me, as a believer, one group who I think fit into that category, those who I would consider enemies are those who kill my brothers and sisters. I am to pray for them. I am to try and love them...

I know. Our human nature is confused by this. Out inner spirit, the part still struggling to become holy cries against it.

Jesus warned his disciples that they would be persecuted. He told them that the ones who would kill them would believe that they were doing a service to God.

Sounds familiar doesn't it.

Jesus finishes in that chapter saying, "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage—I have conquered the world.”  Fear is not to be my response. Peace is.  In this chapter he mentions that the Holy Spirit will be given to guide in truth.

I need to be at peace. I need to seek the Spirits guidance.

If I had been displaced from my home because of violence and my beliefs, I would hope another Country would give me the chance of a new home. I believe this is the right action. I know there are processes that need to be followed. I believe in those processes. I know we may let some zealots into our country. No system is perfect. That is happening anyway. We can't avoid it. We cannot avoid what is coming. We are to be wise, we are to be watchful, we are to love. I can choose to love as Jesus did. That is what I am called to, to love my neighbor and meet what needs I can. I am called to show love to my enemy and show what love I can.

What My Toddlers Taught Me

Toddlers are bubbling with energy and curiosity. It is infectious if you let yourself get swept up in the whirlwind of it. Whirlwind, doen't that perfectly describe toddlers?!?

They have a way of grabbing onto life and living it fully! It is a fascinating stage of development. One of my favourites.
How many favourite stages am I allowed??

I loved parenting the toddler years. Don't get me wrong, it was exhausting, overwhelming and loaded with fears that I was doing it all wrong and scarring my precious littles. I was able to enjoy it in spite of the chaos that exists. Who thought it was a good idea that humans this small should have their own ideas??? It is what makes them fun though!

Here is a little of what I learned from my toddlers:


1. Live in the moment. We have fancy words like mindfulness now. No matter what you call it, enjoy where you are, who you are with and what you are doing. If you have forgotten how, hang out with a toddler for a while.

2. Believe the best about others. If you know a toddler, they are usually quick to label someone a friend or nice. I love that they default to believe the best about others. It is beautiful. If evidence arises to contradict this is presupposition it is reevaluated. Otherwise, this is the assumption they operate under, not a bad way to take on the world!



3. Embrace curiosity! This is one of my favourite traits of toddlers, everything is a mystery to be discovered. Feed your mind, keep learning and discovering!

4. Take time to enjoy the wonder of it all. It doesn't matter if there is a schedule or if there is some- where to be, if something wondrous is discovered or experienced, a toddler always has time to enjoy it. Fully!!

5. Smile and move along! It doesn't matter if they fall and smack their face or spill something all over themselves. If you smile, they smile back, pick themselves up and keep going. When does that change? Why do we have to relearn how to move on from a mistake or a bump?

6. Keep moving until someone puts you to bed or you fall asleep spontaneously. Those little legs and hands never stop moving, they are busy, busy, busy. They don't need to train to do a marathon, everyday is a marathon!

7. Be friendly. I love how toddlers are enthusiastic to greet people. I love it when I am grocery shopping and a little one says hello to me. Why do we stop saying hello to people?

8. Play! It really is a great stress reliever! It doesn't have to be fancy, the kitchen pots and pans will do :)

9. Stand up for yourself. Okay, we probably don't want to scream when someone takes something of ours or hit the offender. Consider this though, it is rare that a toddler will accept injustice.  It is alright to respectfully let it be known that we do not appreciate being treated unfairly or poorly.

10. Faith. Our children believed God could move mountains, heal the sick, be their protector and defender. It was simple to them and they believed passionately.  As they have grown they have had to intellectually explore. They have tested truth and deepened their faith. They still believe God can move mountains and heal the sick, but at some point we all struggle. We are afraid to ask God in case he says "no" or "not yet". Toddlers get that answer and it doesn't shake their faith.  At some point we have to continued to hold onto that first initial step of faith. Believe.

Needing More: Thoughts on Ashley Madison

So, scrolling through Facebook last week a good friend had posted this article. It has haunted me. I have been late in my post because I was mulling. To sum it up, after 33 million Ashley Madison accounts were leaked, Avid Life Media reported the following week that hundreds of thousands of new accounts started. HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS! People know the risk of being exposed and yet hundreds of thousands signed up to arrange "discreet" affairs to cheat on the one they are already with. The fear of being caught must add to the thrill of infidelity. 

I have to admit, I don't get it. When I heard about the exposure of the 33 million, I felt sad. So many people affected, devastated by hurtful choices. I was sad at people's willingness to condemn and point fingers. It is all just, UGH!

Then I read this article and all I could think was " What are people thinking?!" Some people took their lives as a result of being outed, the pain of many was exposed, and now Hundreds and Thousands are signing up, for that? What is happening? Does no one stop to think of the consequences? 

We have everything! Seriously. We lack nothing. We have some notion that we deserve what we want with no thought for anyone else? Why are we so dissatisfied with life? Why do we seek another thrill? Is our sexual appetite so insatiable that fear of discovery and evidence that it can happen is not enough to expose the insanity?

All I can think is that people are not satisfied because they have not found what they are lacking. " I still haven't found what I'm looking for" by U2 has been playing in my mind. Over and over.

As I thought about this, I wondered do I recognize this behaviour as the conduct of desperate people who are in need of more? Do I see this behaviour as the choices made by people who are longing for something out of life and not finding it? Do I recognize the desperate need of souls that were made for more?  Do I see people who are in need of an anchor that holds fast in a world that is tossed around by longing, emptiness and unreliable feelings? Do I feel compelled to have compassion? Where does this leave me as one who knows the one who offers fullness of life? 

The heartbreak I have felt over this has burdened me. I feel compelled to be bolder. I see so many people being pushed and pulled by the tides of the world. I know an Anchor. One who can give steadfastness, purpose and worth. I want to share that hope with others.

Thank You! To Our Church Family

Twenty years ago, when Craig took his first position as a Pastor, we were a young couple still wet behind the ears. The call to ministry was strong. At 14 years of age, the Lord had prepared me for this future, telling me I would marry a Pastor. I know that sounds strange to some. It was so strange to me I only confided it to a couple of people. I wanted to be sure I had heard God's call correctly. 

When Craig and I met, he was planning to be a missionary. When he asked me to marry him, he wanted me to be sure if I had been called to be a Pastor's wife.  He was heading into missions; he wanted to be sure I was honouring God's call on my life. I prayed about it for a while, talked with some trusted mentors and became confident that God had brought us together.

Craig started getting confirmation from trusted and respected people that the Pastorate was his calling.  He finished a Bachelors in Christian Ministry with honours, top of our class at Bethany Bible College and went on to Columbia Bible Collage and finished a Bachelors in Youth Ministry. 

As his graduation approached, we were talking with a church in Maple Ridge. Neither of us felt that was where God was calling us. Then Westwood Church called us to candidate. In the middle of that weekend, Craig's home church called us and asked us to put his name forward there. Even though our candidation had some major bumps, we were feeling the call to serve at Westwood. What kind of bumps you ask? Well, for one example, we were told we would participate at a Junior Youth event.  We would play with the kids, and Craig would be given a chance to share a small talk. We arrived, no leaders were present and parents were approaching us asking what the plan was for the evening. We ended up running the night, completely spur of the moment. While stressful, we had a great time and felt a connection with the kids.     

At the end of the weekend, Westwood extended the invitation to join the team. Craig asked for a week to pray about it in light of the request from his home church and after that time he accepted the invitation to Westwood. 

Knowing the call I had received as a youth, I was excited to partner with Craig. I was also fearful. I had seen Pastoral couples experience very painful circumstances in ministry. I knew the reputation PK's (preachers kids) had, rebellious, risk-taking, challenging kids. I was honestly a little worried about what the future would hold. Even though the future was uncertain, I was excited.  Even then I knew that to be within the will of God was the best place for us to be.

Westwood has been an amazing church family for us. People have asked what it takes to minister in one place for so long; we started August 1, 1995. We celebrated 20 years this last August 1, 2015. We are so thankful for the love, relationships and stability we have enjoyed at Westwood. We are so thankful to God for the gift of this. Anyone who has been in church or worked in a church knows how unique 20 years in one church is. Neither of us feels like we had much to do with it. Westwood is an amazing, gracious, loving church family. The Board has always been trustworthy, godly, and dedicated in their leadership. God has been merciful and gracious in allowing us this longevity of service to one church family. It has been a gift, a gift we value and cherish so much!

The blessing of this longevity over the years have been incredible. The stability has been a real gift. We have seen incredible growth in some, witnessed the faithfulness of God meeting the needs of his people. We have seen this family reach out generously to our community and seen youth develop passionate faith, grow up and raise families. We have seen people celebrate significant anniversaries, 30 to 50 years and more together. These are some of the most beautiful gifts longevity in ministry brings. Our kids have come to know their church family well. They have grown up here. They have been loved here, and they have learned to serve here.

As kids whose parents were involved in ministry, we had a few concerns. We knew there were risks. Early in our ministry, a couple we respected greatly came for a visit. They had been in Pastoral Ministry from early in their marriage and were reaching the empty nest phase of life. They challenged us saying "God does not expect us to sacrifice our children on the altar of ministry." That hit us deeply and caused us to consider prayerfully what that meant for our family. We didn't want our kids to resent the demands of ministry on us as their parents or on them. We wanted them to adopt the value of serving their church family in some capacity.   We did not want them in grade 12 feeling like they had "done their time!" as I have heard other PK's say.  We have kept a finger on the pulse of their hearts in this area and feel we have been able to strike a working balance. Our church family at Westwood has given us the freedom to do this and that has been an incredible gift to us as a family.

Having known some PK's, we were concerned about the perceived pressure to be perfect. That could come from us as parents or from the church. Trying to figure out what was normal and not feeling like we had to be "Super Parents" was a tricky balance for us. Learning what expectations were/are reasonable, took time and understanding on our part. Our church family has not made our kids feel like they are being watched and evaluated. Our children have not expressed a sense of pressure to be perfect, to know all the right answers or have superior knowledge of the Bible just because they are PK's. Westwood gave our kids the permission to be normal, flawed, regular kids. They have felt free to be themselves, and more importantly, accepted as themselves. 

Church is made up of people who are imperfect. We, the church, make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes hurt others. Sometimes we hurt each other. It is awful, but it is the truth. Church is the place that reconciliation is to be lived out. It is how we show the world God's redemptive story. We don't always get it right. Craig and I were very mindful that how we handle that kind of hurt could impact our children significantly.  Hurt happens in the church; that is a reality of being human. God was able to walk us through those times in ways that did not compromise our kids commitment to, faith in or willingness to be a part of a church family. We believe that the people who make up the church are the vessels which God uses to deliver his message of hope to the world. We believe that commitment to a local body of believers is vital for developing our own faith as well as the faith of the generations being raised up.  We believe that through loving each other well, we can effectively communicate that message of hope to the world around us. Growing up at Westwood has allowed our children to keep believing that too.

Our oldest just had her last Sunday at Westwood.  She is heading off to College. She was very emotional before we got to church. She didn't want to miss saying good-bye to the many people who have impacted her. She would whisper quietly to me "There are too many people to say good-bye too. I can't find them all!" Honestly, those words were beautiful to my ears. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. We walked home, tears streaming down her face, an ache in her heart. She is going to miss her church family. SHE IS GOING TO MISS HER CHURCH FAMILY!!!! She couldn't find all the people she wanted to say good-bye to. She had an hour and couldn't do it in that time. Do you know what that means to me?! To us?! Our church family has loved our child well. In return, she loves them. Numerous people have loved on her, significantly enough that she wanted to seek them out to say good-bye. That means that she has significant relationships here, meaningful relationships. She feels known and knows others. She feels safe here. She belongs here. This is her family. Leaving it is painful. How sweet is that!? 

If you would have told me at the beginning of our Ministry career that we would serve in one  church for twenty years, I wouldn't have believed you. The average Youth Pastor was serving 1.5 years at that time. If you would have told me that we would raise PK kids who were not rebellious and resentful to the church, I am not sure I would have believed you. So many of my PK friends struggled and held their churches at arms length if they even bothered to even attend church any more. If you would have told me that our child would find it hard to say good bye to her church family, well I probably would have looked at you like you were speaking a language I couldn't comprehend. But here we are, and all those things are true. 

How do I say thank you? Thank you, from the tips of my toes! Thank you for loving us well. Thank you, my dear church family, for living in a way that has made our child feel loved and valued. Thank you for loving our child so well that it is hard for her to say good-bye. Thank you for giving her the freedom to be herself. Thank you for giving her the gift of acceptance. Thank you for your friendship. She is going to miss you. How can I possibly find the words to tell you what that really means to us!? Thank you, we adore you most deeply. Thank you for truly being family!! Thank you for making our years of service such deep joy. Thank you for loving our kid well!

The Original "Boo"

I discovered I was carrying our third child while brushing my teeth on our oldest child's third birthday.  I only ever gag like that when I am pregnant. Taking the test was a mere formality. I let Craig know and he quickly broke into his big grin.  I had already known immediately after the birth of our second that we were not done, there would be at least one more baby. Now our next adventure was on its way. 

 Connor was a delight right from the beginning. He did things his own way. He entered the world face up. He was the only one of our children born with fine blond hair an inch long. Immediately he was nicknamed "Boo". He was " Boo" before Monsters Inc. was produced and the name suited him perfectly. Meet the original "Boo".

Connor was our easiest baby, cooing himself to sleep at nap time, flexible enough to let me rock him to sleep when the older two were safely engaged in play. He slept 6-7 hours a night at a month old and nursed well. I remember thinking with surprise "Wow, babies can be really fun!"

Connor's gentle, observant nature was evident immediately. He didn't miss a thing. I often got comments from people on how beautiful a child he was. He broke into huge smiles when his big sister and brother entered the room and was very attached to Craig & I.  Whenever people would ask me to describe him, I would become speechless. I would end up saying "You really have to experience Connor to know him."  That is why there will be more pictures in this blog than in most!

Connor is a true introvert. Not a fan of crowds from the beginning, I didn't have much success leaving him in the nursery at church. He would sit quietly on my lap watching everything around him. Connor was especially content if his Dad was preaching. We had to rescue him from the stage many a Christmas Eve service, as he cried desperately to escape the crowd. We always gave it a go the following year and just as we anticipated, one year he made it through the production.  Once during swimming lessons, a fellow mom commented that he must really be afraid of water. I explained that Connor was very comfortable in the water having spent his summers at the lake since he was days old. It was, in fact, the unfamiliar classmates he was with that were causing his distress.  

Connor was comfortable entertaining himself from a young age and has an incredible imagination from which to draw. What I would give for a glimpse into that keen, creative, active mind. While he had a good vocabulary and I refused to allow his siblings talk for him, Connor was a boy of few words. I would come upon him playing quietly, whatever action he was creating, punctuated by quiet explosions and sounds. On holidays one summer, his Auntie discovered him. He was around the back of the tent trailer all by himself, explosions sounding from his little mouth. "Connor, what's going on?" "An alien war Auntie."  He gave her a look indicating that she shouldn't have to ask. I often wonder if his imagination is so vivid that he forgets that the rest of us can not actually see the worlds he creates. As his older siblings headed off to school and he was the only one at home with me, Connor began to talk. We realized he just wasn't inclined to compete to be heard. He just needed air time. Finally, I was included in his world.  Through his questions and comments, I was provided a window into his wonderful mind. One of his Grade Two teachers said fondly, "Connor will be working away, then his pencil will lift, his head will tilt, and there he goes, off into his own little world."  Thankfully his Primary teachers valued imagination and were patient with him, giving him time to rejuvenate in his quiet way.



Even though Connor is our introvert, he is the one who brings us together to play games. He loves games and one of my favorite phrases was "Mom, will you play with me?"  I would drop anything at those words! He can be sneaky and likes to pull one over on you! From early on another nick name for Connor was "Stealth Monkey".  Curiosity and an uncanny knack for quiet led to much trouble. If things were silent, I went running to find what mischief he was up to. We played Laser Tag with our extended family one time and even though Connor is the youngest, he was the most successful of the kids. He enjoys sneaking about to catch people unaware or the challenge of slipping past someone unnoticed! 

Connor has always had a strong moral compass. He loves God deeply and has a keen sense of logic around truth.  Watching Connor take the step of Baptism this year was one of our highlights! ( more on that in this link!) Connor has a deep commitment to kindness and respect for others also. To be called a good person by Connor meant he never heard you talk or act unkindly to someone or behind their back. He has a very high standard of evaluation and very few make the cut. I was shocked to get a call from a teacher when Connor was in grade three. He had been sent to the Principle for pushing a kid on the playground. Connor had noticed older kids pushing one of his classmates. He intervened the only way he could think of, to protect his friend, he got in the middle and pushed back. Once home he explained that if it happened again, his teacher wanted him to find a Supervisor. "What am I supposed to do? Let my friend keep getting hurt while I go get help?! He is smaller than everyone else!" Their solution didn't make sense or sit well with Connor's sense of loyalty or safety. 

Connor loved sports but greatly disliked the behavior competitive kids showed on the field, court or pitch. His love of the game is fed by joy in the playing of a sport and not just winning. He was always patient when others made mistakes and found it very hypocritical when other teammates couldn't be. I would ask him if anyone said something mean to him. "No Mom, I just don't like the way they talk to each other. It's not fun." His teachers often would comment on his incredible agility and confidence in sport. Even student teachers recognized the distinct difference in him on the field, talkative and confident and in the classroom quiet and not wanting any attention. He is athletically gifted and in line with his temperament, excels at individual sport. 

Connor is very clever but stopped thriving in the typical classroom by grade four. For him, school is too restrictive and confining in nature. Year after year his teachers would comment in frustration "He is so clever! I just cannot help him thrive academically." Until grade six. Ms. MacDonald, who herself is very like Connor,  helped to open the doors for him. To sit at a desk drains his thinking power. To be squished in a class with so many others, takes away his voice.  To not have creative exploration encouraged in the classroom setting, drains his Spirit dry. His is a unique mind that does not fit the limitations of our school system. We have prayed and prayed that his confidence would remain and tried to give him the opportunity to explore in ways that will encourage him to challenge himself. We have done a mix of Public School and on-line school to give him some diversity and have had great results. We keep looking for ways to feed his curiosity. My next plan is to buy an old used lawn mower for him and his brother to dismantle and learn about. If you see a cheap one in the paper, let me know ;)

Connor is our poser, whenever the camera comes out, he has a silly stance or smile. Crazy face pictures are his favorite! His humor comes out in these small ways. Connor was delighted when in a series of group pictures, he and a friend kept moving away one step at a time. As you flip through the pictures, the two of them slowly move out of the shot.


Connor has always loved helping out. If I was baking or working he would come and see if there was anything fun to do.  He has always been cooperative and enjoys getting his hands dirty. If Craig has a job requiring the use of tools, Connor is quick to go check out what is happening and help. He is an excellent craftsman and has an eye for design!


I have always played a diverse range of music for our kids. One year I discovered The Piano Guys video performance of "We Three Kings".  I couldn't wait to share it with them. Success! At Christmas dinner, Connor quietly piped up that he would like to play the cello.  Not wanting to overwhelm him, we gave him a month to think about it. Once it was clear he was really interested, we made an appointment to visit a teacher. The teacher recommended that before visiting him, we make a visit to the local Violin Shop to see and try out a cello. When the owner placed the bow in Connor's hand and he tentatively played, she noticed his gentle touch and agile fine motor skills and exclaimed "You have a beautiful touch! You are a natural!" She was right. We arrived to the Cellist and the meet and greet became a lesson. The music that has filled our home since brings joy to us all! How spoiled are we!!?

Connor, raising you has been a privilege. You are an incredible person! Kind, observant, intelligent, curious. You have a drive to do tasks well. Your cooperative nature will serve you well in situations where you work with others as will your respectful manner and communication style. You are full of so much potential and we are thrilled to get a front row seat to see you reach it! You are strong, courageous and brave, we love how you are willing to stick up for others and also value your keen logic and quick wit! We are thankful for your deep love for the Lord and his truth. Your foundation is strong and will set your path straight. We love you "Boo!"  We thank God for bringing you to us and the way you made our family complete!