Flexibility...

Flexibility is a trait my husband has in spades. It is one of his many attributes that I greatly admire and value. Okay, maybe even covet. He is unflappable! He gets thrown a curve ball and he seamlessly rolls with it. From where I sit, it looks effortless. It has always amazed me. He is the embodiment of calm under pressure.

I know you think I am exaggerating because I am head over heels in love, I can't be trusted. Well, first of all, I am completely hopeless at deception and lying. Honestly, I gave it up by age eight because my Dad told me I was terrible at it and I always got caught. Second of all, 23 years of marriage keeps it real.  Thirdly, you can ask anyone who works with him. 

One of the reasons I love and admire this about Craig is that I, myself, do not have this trait. If plans change, it takes me a good while to switch tracks. It takes a great deal of intentionality for me. It is something about myself that I find frustrating.

I value flexibility because of its fruit. It presents itself along with character traits like, calmness, patience, gentleness, slow to anger, realistic expectations, carefully chosen words and peacefulness. Those are all amazing qualities! I want more of these traits in my life.

So, I did what I know to do. I asked God to teach me how to be flexible.

That's right. That is what I did!

I have loved Jesus long enough to know that if my hearts desire is to overcome my flaws and weaknesses, he will honour that. He knows if I am serious about it or not.

He knew I was serious about this.

The problem with increasing flexibility is it involves stretching. To to point of discomfort and often pain.  Growing in flexibility hurts.  It is important to be prepared for discouragement. 

God has used a number of challenges these last couple of years to give me the opportunity to work with him in growing to be flexible.  It began when my left ovary grew a cantaloupe sized cyst which threw me into emergency surgery. God was not caught off guard by this. I definitely was. There was not a lot of prep time to prepare for that one. There was; however, a lot of time to work it through post surgery. Added to an increase in free time was a major change in my recreational activity.  I refuel by getting out of the house and playing with my family. It is life giving to me. It is an essential, non-negotiable necessity. Surgery took all that away. My favourite being, water skiing and water sports with my family. It was a real challenge for me to roll with.

I struggled a lot working that out.

When I was given the go ahead to exercise, I was so excited!!  This last February, eleven months after surgery, I partially tore my rotator cuff when snowshoeing. Then re-injured it in June. My family doctor took my care to a new level which warned me it was more serious than I wanted it to be. Again, right in time for water ski season! Seriously!! 

I ended up sitting on the dock all summer.  I did my best to roll with it, I think I am getting better at it. 

At a follow up visit, I  cornered my GP and he admitted that I would most likely need surgery. He was very reluctant in saying it. When he broke the news to me he said "You are handling this really well. Most people would be crying by now!" 

I took that as a big compliment! A sign of growth :) I am learning. I am getting flexible! I am learning how to roll with it! I am not perfect yet. When I went home to tell Craig I cried. Just a little though. Honest, I wasn't sobbing or anything :)

I just saw a surgeon and it looks like surgery is in my near future. If that happens, it is 3 months off work at least, another 3 of rehab. With the proposed timeline, another summer on the dock....

Ugh! 

I am learning to take it day by day. I am learning to let go of my expectations. One of the most beautiful truths about God is that if we invite him into our lives, he gives us the chance to not waste our pain. If we cooperate with him, he makes beauty out of ashes. He redeems difficult circumstances by revealing more of who he is through them. He can help us strengthen our weaknesses through trials, pain and stretching circumstances. 

I am not looking forward to what is ahead. I am kind of dreading it honestly. I have been told by a few professionals my arm will be immobilized for a few weeks. I don't even know how to do immobilized!  While I am not excited about it, I am learning to roll with it. I have grown in gratitude. Learned to focus on the good things and let go of my expectations. I am looking forward to knowing God more and becoming more like him! In the end, I know the hard time will be worth it.