Real Men. Good Men.

The news has been rough this week.

At one end of the world ISIS is getting away with war crimes of horrific proportions and on this end of the world, a young kid failed to own his behaviour and have the basic human decency to recognize how his choices devastatingly harmed another, only to be echoed by his father. UNREAL!!

Part of me is in shock...

Why does the world sit idly by when terrorists storm into cities, throw people out of their homes and take their women and daughters to be their personal sex toys??

This has happened for generations in Africa and no one cares because Africa has no oil or natural resources to compensate the efforts.

UGH...it is too much sometimes.

Did I actually read articles this week where a Father minimized his son's brutal and vicious actions? Did he really just try to pass off rape as "20 minutes of action"?

I feel sick...

I know it happens; I know it. But when it slaps me in the face like this, it shocks me.

I am one very blessed person. I do not know any men who behave with such disregard for the law and lives of others. I am apparently a rarity.

The men in my family and the men in my friendship circles are real men. Good men.

I realize what I have been saved from. How protected I have always been.

Some of the men I know have had to work hard for what they have. Nothing was handed to them. Some have had every opportunity. They have led privileged lives.

Most have more than they need, yet they have not adopted the attitude and actions of "White Male Privilege" or that if power mongers thinly veiling their acts of war and crime with religion.

Not one has the attitude that they have what they have because they deserve it.

Not one believes they can take what they want because they are owed.

Not one has the attitude that they are better than others, or that women and girls exist solely for their enjoyment, pleasure, or service.
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They are real men, generous with what they have and concerned for the well-fare of others.

These men have raised their children, from the beginning, to treat all people as they would like to be treated.

Men who care how their sons treat others. Whose children learn the difference between right and wrong.

Men who train their sons with respect and regard for women.

Men who teach their sons to honor women, to lift them up in word and deed.

Men who demonstrate to their sons that a woman is not an object to be lusted after, but respected for her mind, soul, dreams and abilities.

Men who expect integrity and honor from their sons, both in private and in public.

Men who instruct their sons to own their behaviour, to face the consequences of their actions.

Men who teach their sons about redemption and forgiveness, to receive it and reach higher, be better.

Men who are raising men.

Good men.

I have a deep, deep gratitude for my Husbands Father, my own Father and the Men who raised them. There is a culture of honor and respect for women that runs in our families.

I believe I owe sincere gratitude to my Heavenly Father. In His mercy and grace, He revealed His truth to the men in our families generations ago. Through His Word, He taught them to love and honor women as fellow image bearers of The King. Cherished, gifted, strong and capable.

My husband loves and honours me. He serves me graciously and encourages me to use my talents and gifting. He is my greatest support and most faithful cheerleader!

Craig is my safe place. He has set an incredible example for our sons, and they have learned from him. Craig cherishes his daughter and has loved her well. He treats all women with dignity, respect, courtesy and kindness. By his example, Craig has shown our girl what she should expect from a man and our boys how to be men.

Craig demonstrates daily to our boys and girl that it is possible to acknowledge a woman's strength while showing her she is a treasure. A priceless gift, never to be used and tossed away. A person who has worth and dignity because she bears the image of The Creator. A life that counts and is irreplaceable. He has shown our boys that women are to be protected and empowered, never to be trodden on.

Our sons have a sister they adore. They treat her well, and I love how they expect other young men to treat her. I love how they respect women and girls. They aren't perfect; they are works in progress, and I am proud of what I see in them and the target they are aiming for. They are already good men.

Craig has shown our boys what it means to be a good man.

Apparently, this is not as common an example as it should be. I am so thankful it has been the legacy of our families and the many families we know. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this.

I pray this attitude catches fire and spreads fiercely, far and wide, across the globe.

All women deserve to be surrounded by real men. Good men.

All boys deserve the chance to grow up to be real men. Good men.

When Your Morning Coffee Is Not Enough...

A few posts back, I wrote about hitting the reset button when we find ourselves in a funk. What happens when the reset doesn't work?

What happens when enjoying your morning coffee in your favorite spot is not enough to get you ready for your day?

What happens when frustration, exhaustion and lack of motivation persist?

Do you find yourself hermiting ( it's a thing! )

Are you struggling to find joy?

If any of this sounds familiar, you are either experiencing burnout or have encountered it at some point in your life.

I remember struggling with this now and then as a stay at home Mom. I wondered what was wrong with me!?! I have delt with it now and then as a working Mom too.

It took me a while to accept that parenting is hard. Really hard! On its own or coupled with work, volunteering, or whatever else, the grind can wear us down sometimes.

Parenting on its own is more than a full-time job. It demands the best of us. Always!

Our screw-ups are worse because they directly impact those we love most. This increases stress as we imagine all the therapy our children will need to process all of our flaws and mistakes. Compounded by our own (often unrealistic) expectations, it can amount to an incredible burden.

Life is hard.  Kids or no kids. It can feel relentless sometimes.

And we wonder why we might struggle with burnout now and then!?!

OK. So what can be done about it?

Consider scheduling some time to evaluate where you are at. Great! Right now works for me too!

What is draining the life out of your soul?

What is within your control to change?

What is outside of your ability to change but can benefit from a new mindset?

I usually need to write these things out. It makes them real, forces me to deal with them.

Here are some of the things I have learned to do in order to cope with burnout.

1. What can I ask for help with? I am SO bad at this.  Honestly, I wish I could tell you that over the last 20 years I have become a rock star in this area. I haven't. Family and friends are eager to support us, even if we do not recognize it. Often they can see us struggling and are wanting to help. They are just afraid of stepping on our toes. Just ask, okay?? I will too. For real!
2. What do I just need to let go of? Does everything I am doing have to be done? Am I burying myself under the weight of high expectations that I need to adjust or toss out the window? A relationship that is draining or damaging me? Identify it, get rid of it.
3. Get real with a friend. Find someone who can listen and avoid the urge to fix your situation. You know what you need to do, sometimes you just need space to verbally get it out and have a shoulder to cry on, someone to pray with.
4. Get out! Hire a babysitter so you can go out with another couple on a double date, schedule a girls night/ guys night. Laughter is good medicine for the soul. It happens effortlessly in a group and reconnects us. Throw in a few play dates and you will find your soul recovering. If possible, book a holiday, the change in routine can infuse your soul with life again. It's a must!
5. Self-care. Yup, it always comes back to this. It is often the first thing to slip quietly into Neverland.  Accountability with a friend in this area helps it stick.  We cannot endlessly give if we are not filling up somewhere. Are you getting some alone time? Exercise? Reading? Maybe consider trading an afternoon every week with a friend. One week they take your kids so you get the afternoon off, the next week you take her kids so she gets the afternoon off. That time is for you to engage in an activity you love. A hobby, a quiet afternoon reading at Starbucks. Whatever! Guard that time ruthlessly!
6. New perspective. What tasks are non-negotiable tasks that could benefit from a new mentality? For me, cooking sometimes feels like torture. An endlessly demanding, life sucking task. Making sure there is enough food in the house for three athletic kids can be straight up exhausting!! Remembering that healthy food is a gift and a way to love my family helps. Scheduling enough time to cook, engaging my family in preparation and trying new recipes (thank you Pinterest!) keeps it fun. Cooking double and freezing leftovers for another night helps maximize my effort. Sitting down to enjoy the meal together and connect with each other gives cooking increased purpose. What takes is draining the life out of you? How can you creatively increase your enjoyment of that task?
7. Abide. Nothing creates a dry, desert soul like disconnection from God. We were made to abide, dwell in, encamp, and remain in our Maker. A Spiritual retreat, a day of prayer or practicing His presence in new ways are a few activities that help me re-engage with God.

What helps you recover from burnout?

Be Seen

Do you long to be known? Really known?

Have you ever found yourself sick to death of the "I'm fine" merry go round?

You know, "I"m fine, how are you?" Only to hear "I'm fine thanks", "How is your family?"  "Fine, thanks, yours?" "Oh, we're fine, everything is fine!", "Us too! Fine is who we are!".

Ugh!

Now, "I'm fine" has a place. It is appropriate, not everyone needs to hear about what is rocking our world. We can also be fine when things are seemingly falling apart. "I'm fine" can be authentic. It definitely has its place!


What I am getting at is, does anyone know what is going on in your world? Are you allowing anyone
to see you? Really see you?

One of the bravest actions we take is to let our guard down and let someone else really get a look at us.

What if they decide they do not want to really know us?

What if they reject us? What if they mock us? What if they fail to keep a confidence or use their knowledge of us to hurt us?

A number of years ago we did a study with our small group called True Faced. It explored the crazy "I'm fine" lie that we hide behind.

Life had already taught me who to be careful of. Let's be honest, most girls know this by the end of grade 5. My philosophy is that the girls who play dumb about "mean girls" are the "mean girls". For real.

I have a tender heart, watching others get hurt and getting hurt a few times taught me to protect myself.

I got a little too good at protecting myself.

My gut reaction is to retreat to safety when someone hurts me. With lightening speed, I withdraw and re-establish my walls of protection.

As a young woman in my early twenties, I was sick of superficial friendships and longing for authenticity.

I was terrified to risk being known but my soul was drowning in the shallow waters. I needed depth. My soul thrives in knowing and being known.

I do not think I am unique in this area.

For me to take this step, I needed to be the kind of person who was worthy of seeing people. To be given the privilege of really seeing someone means I need to be safe for them. When I recognize my flaws, my failures, my need for Jesus, I recognize that we are all on the same playing field. Humanity is the great equalizer.  We all have struggles, faults, and parts of ourselves we want to keep in the shadows. Knowing this gives me humility, grace and genuine love for others. It enables me to be gentle and kind in their area of pain and weakness just as I want to be treated gently in my pain and weakness.

To be truly seen, I had to be able to weather rejection from others. Not everyone will receive me. The sting of rejection, judgment and hurt are less when I know who I am in Christ. When I accept who God  has made me, what other people want me to be loses its power. When I understand fully the depth of delight God takes in me and how deeply I am loved by Him, my worth is not determined by the approval of others.

Those who are unsafe do not get the same access to me as those who are safe. I can still treat them with love, kindness, and respect. I learn, by trial and error, to know how much of myself to reveal. We do not give a treasure to someone who does not value it's worth or know how to protect it.

Understanding these three things gave me the courage to be real. To risk being known and seen.

As I risked, I found people who were also willing to risk. Over time, these friendships grew. What reward!! I was honestly shocked!!  Shocked and astounded!!

These relationships are life-giving, gold mines. These real relationships are what makes this life full and good. Relationships where we carry each other's hardships and struggles, help us make it through. Joy is greater when we can celebrate together. Pain is easier to bear. I was no longer drowning in a shallow sea of "I'm fine."

Authenticity with others makes us honest with ourselves. When we are known, we can sharpen each other, help each other be our best selves. This is where you find your "Soul Sister's" and those friends who you can walk through life with.

What is keeping you from being known? What will it take to let other's see you?

"Why?"

If you were allowed to ask God any question and be sure you would get an answer, what would you ask him?

Over the years, Craig and I have had the pleasure of working with Alpha, a forum that invites people to explore questions they have in regards to faith, life, & God.

"If you were allowed to ask God any question and be sure you would get an answer, what would you ask him?" is their opening question.

I know right!?! Where does one even begin???

I just recently trained some volunteers and organized their participation in an event with the same purpose.

The most common question was "Why?"

"Why?"

Often with a tone of exhaustion, grief, or confusion.

When encouraged to unpack it a little more, it went to "why war, famine, pain, struggle, suffering?"

Good question!

Why is life so hard?

I have recently become friends with a woman who's has lost everything, her home, her homeland, where she grew up as a child,  met her husband, the home they built their life together in, the place where she gave birth to her babies,me here she raised them. She has been separated from her oldest child for 3 years, she missed being present at his wedding.  She has lost access to the place she buried her parents, she wonders if she will ever smell the fresh unique scent of her homeland after the rain. The feel of the dirt in her hand. How the light came through the kitchen window, the sound of the market and the freedom to speak to people here in her native tongue. She and her family have lost so,so much! Why??

We have friends who struggle with health issue after health issue. The cost, even with health care, is breaking the bank. Why???

Did you know that Uganda still has child sacrifice happening in certain parts of the country? Seriously. WHY?!?

"Why?" is a good question.

Honestly, there is no satisfactory answer, until you recognize the consequences of demanding our independence from God and wrestle through sin, our need for Jesus and who God really is, there is no answer that can even start to give some level of satisfaction.

Even though I have wrestled with all that, I still struggle. The best description for me is the image of a tapestry. Intricately and beautifully made, as a whole, it makes sense. It shows a beautiful picture. This is God's perspective on time, history, you, me. He sees it all. All at once, all the time. He is infinite.

I, however, am finite. I have limits. I see this one piece of the tapestry and it makes no sense. I may see themes of movement, I can identify color schemes. But truly,  I have no clue how it fits into the whole. I do not see how it works into something larger. I have no reference to make sense of it.

This is my perspective on life, the world, and it's craziness.

And this is God's.



















The Vintage 15th Century
A magnificent representation of the grape-gathering and the wine press


Are you wrestling with the hardships of life? Have you resigned yourself to "life is hard and then you die?" Are you angry at God that there is so much pain in the world? Are you struggling to make sense of it all?

There is a lot of pain and very few, if any, answers. What do we do with that?!?

Take heart my friend!

God is not scared of your hard questions. He wants to go there with you.  In His mercy and grace, he may allow you some answers. He will give you strength and hope for the next step, day, moment.

And one day...

One day.

He will let us see it all.

1Corinthians 13:12 The Message

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

Help! Where Is The Reset Button?!?

One of my favorite memories as a little girl was waking up to Dad making breakfast. He would whistle while he worked. I loved to listen to him. If we were having trouble getting out of bed, he would come turn our lights on and tell us it was time to get up. If we still struggled, he would come back and tug our blankets.

Every once in a while, I would wake up on the "wrong side of the bed". Often Dad would try to tease me out of my funk.

I remember that icky feeling. It was deep inside, in the core of my being. You know, that feeling that makes you want to pick a fight. That physical feeling of ugh! I didn't like it.

If I came to the breakfast table with that feeling, I would make it through the blessing, maybe a couple of bites of food and then I would ask to be excused to go to the bathroom.

There, locked away in the bathroom, I would sit on the side of the tub with my head in my hands.  Because "hate" was an out of bounds word, I would tell God how much I disliked that feeling. In those quiet moments, on the side of the tub, God's Spirit would wash over me. He would honor my cry for help and cleanse me. He would wash that feeling out of me. He would give my day a new start. He would "reset" my spirit.

I got better at catching that feeling and learned to quickly run to God for help.

Fast forward to when I was a young Mom. Mornings with littles can be chaotic, worse if they follow a poor sleep. Now I was the one in the kitchen trying to get food on the table. There was not a lot of whistling going on!!! The demands of surviving overwhelmed any awareness of that " icky" feeling. Just feed the kids and hope nap time comes soon!

With the tasks and needs of others, I became slow to recognized the signs that my spirit was unwell. Sometimes I would get half way through the day before recognizing that I needed a special touch from God. If things were really bad, a whole day could go by. It was harder to get to an alone space and spend some focused time in God's presence.

I needed to get creative.

In order to give God space to "reset" my spirit, here are a few things that worked for me.

1. Dance Party. While the kids thought we were just rocking out to some kickin' tunes, I always picked worship music that allowed me to enter the presence of God.

2.  I would go stand at the kitchen sink and as I washed dishes,( there are ALWAYS dishes!!) I would ask God to refresh my soul and take away that gross feeling.
If I was desperate, I would plunk the kids in the playpen and go sit on the edge of the bathtub, my old faithful spot.

3. Listening to a Focus on the Family podcasts during a quiet time helped give me new perspective some days. Regardless of my soul state, it became a habit.

4. Sometimes, I would meditate on a verse. Nehemiah 8:10 "The joy of the Lord is your strength"

5. Laughter. I would pull out a classic activity that was guaranteed to make the kids giggle uncontrollably and we would just laugh together. Blowing up a balloon and then let it fly as the air escaped making that crazy sound, the kids chasing it to try and catch it. Bubble blowing. Silly sound contests. Whatever! Anything that would make us dissolve into giggles. It "resets" the soul.

I know this is not an exhaustive list.  There are lots of  ways we can invite God to "reset" our soul's.
 What are some of the strategies that work for you?

My Heartbeat

What causes you to stop and reflect? To pause? To look at your life and ask yourself if you are on track?

Funny thing! God gently nudged me into this blog and one of the unexpected joys is the chance to take stock of my life and evaluate.

100 posts???

Yikes! Apparently I have A LOT to say :)

Feel sorry for Craig, just for a moment...and my kids, feel sorry for my kids too.

Perhaps it was mercy on my dear man, and my children,  that caused God to lead me to blog. Seriously! It is very possibly the reason!! I wish I were joking :)  I can completely overwhelm my family with my ideas, thoughts and dreams.

Anyway...

Welcome to my 100th post!!!

I asked you, my readers, for suggestions and I received some beautiful ideas! I will get to them, promise! This one topic resonated with my inner spirit and so here it goes.

What is my heartbeat right now? What consumes my thoughts and prayers these days?

I am hard-wired for relationship. Close connection to friends and family drives me.

I am also hard-wired to be a Mom. My friends teased me about this as we grew up together. They teased me lovingly. I was the girl voted most likely to have seven kids.

Not kidding.

They knew me. They were right!! I may have only given birth to three, but in my heart at this moment, I have at least seven children and some young adults whom I love intensely. My friends' kids are as likely to be lovingly parented by me as they are their own mothers.

God built me for this fierce love. Sometimes I am afraid I will overwhelm kids, my own and others. God has given me them to me to love, and I do.

As they maneuver the gauntlet of this world, my ponderings, prayers and desire linger on one thing, two if we are specific.

What is it that I desperately long for, for them?

I beg the Lord to teach my kids to "Love the Lord their God with all their heart and with all their soul and with all their strength and with all their mind’; and, ‘Love their neighbor as themselves.’”

It's that simple.

That is my hearts cry for my precious kids.

This is what I ask for.

If they can do this, everything else will fall into place.

Everything!

They will thrive.
They will find their place in this world.
They will discover their passions and pursue them.
They will be challenged and content in their work.
They will be kind to people.
They will choose well if they wish to marry.
They will live a grand adventure even if it is a simple life.

Why is this so important? Because to love God and others is what they were made for. If they can do this well, it fulfills their purpose and gives them purpose. This is what they are created for. When we get right down to the basics, this is what it is all about.

To love God and to love others is my life verse and the prayer I have prayed over my babes since I first held them in my arms.

It was the prayer, hope, and dream that was urgently pressed on me as we launched our daughter this year and as we prepare to launch our sons.

It is the prayer I pray over those who God has grafted into our family. As we seek to love them as they are far from their parents and siblings, this is what we want for them.

My mother heart is consumed with this prayer for all "my kids." It is what I contemplate. These are the thoughts that run through my brain most days. It is what I physically ache for.

I thought this was a proper post as it is Mother's Day today.

I also thought it was appropriate for my 100th post because it reveals my heart.  This is my passion. This is what drives me.

Statistically speaking, our young adults are leaving the church. Eighty percent of those who graduate in our midst will no longer come through our doors by the time they are 29.

I cannot tell you how this breaks me.

Apparently we are missing the mark.

If I am living this call to "Love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength and with all my mind"; and, to "Love my neighbor as I love myself." Maybe I can fight that statistic. Maybe we can change it!

If we as a church, each individually, live out this directive well, we will meet needs. As love for God defines our every action, word and interaction, we will be relevant and live lives that draw them to God.  I want this for joy in your own life and impact on others.When we live this grand adventure, it is possible our young adults and others will look at us and say "that is the kind of relationship with God I want, that is the kind of life I want to live!"

This is my heartbeat for the church, for those we have been called to serve.  It is what I want for the young people growing up in church.

Dear one, put your heart, soul, strength and mind to this, you will never regret it!! Not for a moment!

Do you want to know what life is about? This is it!! And it is SO good!

Help I'm a Mom! Surviving Busy Kids

Do you have busy kids? Are you exhausted by the day before you even roll out of bed because you just know the pace is unrelenting?

I get a kick out of young parents who tell me about their busy kids with that tone of " I do not think you understand, how could you possibly know?!?"

I do.

Our three kids arrived in short order, three, one and brand new.

When our daughter was two, I was counting down the days until she was old enough for the local gymnastics programs. Our living room had become a gymnasium, and the traffic patterns of our home had become the favourite place for spontaneous laps and speed trials. That was all after going to the park for the morning and spending the afternoon biking.

Then our son came along. Impatient to move, watching his sister have all the fun, he decided to take his first steps the week before he turned eight months old. Two weeks later, he joined the laps and speed trial races. He was running everywhere and never stopped. To get him to sleep, we basically had to tackle him on his bed and force him to stop long enough for sleep to overtake him. He usually napped 20 minutes and shear will forced him awake, he didn't want to miss a thing!

Then number three came along. I thought I might die...

My basic goal was to have them tired enough to be nodding to sleep in their dinner plates.

Here were a few of my strategies

• Get out and play! Embrace all forms of recreation in every season! Biking, swimming, hiking, in-line skating, sledding, skating, skiing, snowshoeing, badminton, tennis, balls of every shape size and form take up the majority of storage in our home.

• Open spaces. While they are little, keep your basement wide open and unfinished so they can ride their bikes, scooters, skateboards around and around and around. Only when the equipment gets too big to turn safely in your space should you consider moving it all outside and making a comfortable living space.

• Swimming. Take advantage of lakes and pools.  During the winter, we were at the pool 2-3 times a week. Did I like it? Not so much. We're the benefits worth it? Absolutely!! Those afternoons may have been the only times I succeeded in tiring them out enough to be sleepy at supper.

• Appoint them "Obstacle Course Engineers". This was a favourite activity.  Outside in good weather, down in the basement when it is cold or rainy. They loved creating challenges for themselves, and it kept them busy and happy for hours! A fantastic use of time :)

• Build an active lifestyle. Prepare your partner that after dinner is not sit down and relax time. Let them know the plan so they can gear up for the ice rink, sledding hill or tennis court.

• Choose a family sport. Once they are old enough, joining a sport together can be fun too. We all did Karate for a while. We did love training together in that sport. It ended for me when Craig injured his finger, and another participant broke two of hers. I need my hands for my job. I just couldn't risk it. Ha! A lot of good that did me :)

• Variety of opportunity.When they got older, we let them try one sport a year until they found the one they loved. That happened for our oldest two when team sports became part of the school activities open to them Our youngest loves rock climbing, and we need to be better at giving him the opportunity for that.

• Free Time. Unscheduled time is extremely important too; I found that once we had expended physical energy they had more focus for story time, painting, drawing or other creative activities. I am honestly not sure how I managed it, but we always had a quiet hour after lunch. Everyone in their space, doing something quiet and the odd time sleeping. That was strictly for my sanity as I geared up to face the afternoon.

Those are a few of the strategies that have helped me survive busy kids.

What are some approaches that have helped you?