Be Seen

Do you long to be known? Really known?

Have you ever found yourself sick to death of the "I'm fine" merry go round?

You know, "I"m fine, how are you?" Only to hear "I'm fine thanks", "How is your family?"  "Fine, thanks, yours?" "Oh, we're fine, everything is fine!", "Us too! Fine is who we are!".

Ugh!

Now, "I'm fine" has a place. It is appropriate, not everyone needs to hear about what is rocking our world. We can also be fine when things are seemingly falling apart. "I'm fine" can be authentic. It definitely has its place!


What I am getting at is, does anyone know what is going on in your world? Are you allowing anyone
to see you? Really see you?

One of the bravest actions we take is to let our guard down and let someone else really get a look at us.

What if they decide they do not want to really know us?

What if they reject us? What if they mock us? What if they fail to keep a confidence or use their knowledge of us to hurt us?

A number of years ago we did a study with our small group called True Faced. It explored the crazy "I'm fine" lie that we hide behind.

Life had already taught me who to be careful of. Let's be honest, most girls know this by the end of grade 5. My philosophy is that the girls who play dumb about "mean girls" are the "mean girls". For real.

I have a tender heart, watching others get hurt and getting hurt a few times taught me to protect myself.

I got a little too good at protecting myself.

My gut reaction is to retreat to safety when someone hurts me. With lightening speed, I withdraw and re-establish my walls of protection.

As a young woman in my early twenties, I was sick of superficial friendships and longing for authenticity.

I was terrified to risk being known but my soul was drowning in the shallow waters. I needed depth. My soul thrives in knowing and being known.

I do not think I am unique in this area.

For me to take this step, I needed to be the kind of person who was worthy of seeing people. To be given the privilege of really seeing someone means I need to be safe for them. When I recognize my flaws, my failures, my need for Jesus, I recognize that we are all on the same playing field. Humanity is the great equalizer.  We all have struggles, faults, and parts of ourselves we want to keep in the shadows. Knowing this gives me humility, grace and genuine love for others. It enables me to be gentle and kind in their area of pain and weakness just as I want to be treated gently in my pain and weakness.

To be truly seen, I had to be able to weather rejection from others. Not everyone will receive me. The sting of rejection, judgment and hurt are less when I know who I am in Christ. When I accept who God  has made me, what other people want me to be loses its power. When I understand fully the depth of delight God takes in me and how deeply I am loved by Him, my worth is not determined by the approval of others.

Those who are unsafe do not get the same access to me as those who are safe. I can still treat them with love, kindness, and respect. I learn, by trial and error, to know how much of myself to reveal. We do not give a treasure to someone who does not value it's worth or know how to protect it.

Understanding these three things gave me the courage to be real. To risk being known and seen.

As I risked, I found people who were also willing to risk. Over time, these friendships grew. What reward!! I was honestly shocked!!  Shocked and astounded!!

These relationships are life-giving, gold mines. These real relationships are what makes this life full and good. Relationships where we carry each other's hardships and struggles, help us make it through. Joy is greater when we can celebrate together. Pain is easier to bear. I was no longer drowning in a shallow sea of "I'm fine."

Authenticity with others makes us honest with ourselves. When we are known, we can sharpen each other, help each other be our best selves. This is where you find your "Soul Sister's" and those friends who you can walk through life with.

What is keeping you from being known? What will it take to let other's see you?