One of our children is grieving, and it is hard to witness.
A couple of years ago our son made a sports team and on the way back from an out of town tournament a particular Coach started asking my husband Craig questions about, God, faith, how it has impacted our life choices as people and parents. Eight hours of questions.
Our son listened off and on to the conversation from the back seat.
When they got home from the tournament, they were excited to share about the trip. Our son started praying for his Coaches salvation. His frequent questions or statements spurred us all to pray. Two or three times a week he would ask "Do you think he is a Christian yet?" "I want my Coach to know God", or "I want him to be in Heaven with us."
The only way we could respond was to agree with him and pray together for this Coach.
Weeks, maybe even months went by and this is how it went. God put a deep love in our hearts for this young Coach, who was soon to be married. We prayed fervently.
One day my best friend let me know she had had an unexpected conversation with this young man. She had let him know that we were friends and that our son was one of the players on his team. Through the conversation, it came about that he had become a believer. She was quick to share the good news. We were all thrilled!
Our son's faith was built by this news; it was a powerful answer to prayer.
The season ended and once in a while we would run into the Coach and chat. He always greeted us with his big warm smile. He had a way of making you feel like he was very glad to see you. He always took time to chat and he had a way of making our son feel important.
One chance meeting he let us know he had received some news about his health that was a bit scary and discouraging. Again, God put it on our hearts to pray. Our son, particularly burdened, expressed great sadness. Frequently he would say "I want God to heal him." "Have you heard how he is doing? Is he healed?" "I am glad he is going to heaven, but I want him to have more time here." We didn't always know the answers, but we always stopped to pray, asking God for mercy and healing for this young man, husband, Coach.
Craig went for coffee with this young Coach a couple of times, no change in the news. We kept praying.
Our son was excited to have the chance to train with this Coach again this season. While outwardly reserved, our son felt a particular bond with him. Knowing his prayers had been part of this Coaches journey and salvation, knowing they were now brothers in God's family was the foundation of that bond.
When his Coaches health took a turn for the worst, he was unable to make it to practices. Our son started asking frequently again, "Have you heard?" "Why isn't God answering us?" " I just want to go to practice and see him there again." There have been a lot of tears, no satisfactory answers, and desperate prayers.
Craig went to visit a few times, we didn't think to ask if our son could go too. We didn't know how important it would be. We didn't know that not having the chance to express his appreciation for this coaches impact or the opportunity to say good-bye would cause our son such regret and grief.
Knowing that as spiritual family we only say "See you in a while." doesn't ease the pain right now. Having God say "No" to prayers like this is confusing. There are hard questions our son is wrestling with and deep grief we cannot ease. There are no answers that satisfy right now. Our child's grief is profound. We can only be with him in it. It reminds us to lift him and his coaches family in prayer, asking God to allow us all to see the beauty that he will bring out of this loss.
We do not grieve as those who have no hope. But we grieve. I want to be the one hurting instead of having to watch my son experience this loss. A parents instinct is to protect our children from difficulties. To do this is not always in their best interest. I know that God will use it in ways I cannot yet know. Pain and suffering develop faith, character and endurance. If we invite God into our hurt he will always redeem it, he never wastes it. I know this from experience. I trust God for it in my son. His pain drives me to my knees in prayer. I am asking that my son will invite God into his grief. It is the only way he can experience the joy that comes after mourning. I know this from experience too. Joy will come.
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