Honor

What does honor mean to you? How would you define honoring another?

Here are a few definitions:

• honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions:
• a person of honor
• a source of credit or distinction
• held in high respect: to be held in honor
• such respect made apparent, evidenced
• high public esteem
• the privilege of being associated with or receiving a favor from a respected person, group, organization
• honor made evident, in a special ceremony, decoration, scroll, or title, of high rank, dignity, or distinction,

I was taken aback when I came across this quote this week.  In my mind, I replaced "wives" with "others"

“Honor isn’t passive; it’s active. We honor our wives by demonstrating our esteem and respect: complimenting them in public; affirming their gifts, abilities, and accomplishments; and declaring our appreciation for all they do. Honor not expressed is not honor.” Gary Ricucci

As someone whose top love language is spoken words of encouragement, some of my deepest scars are words that were spoken carelessly about me in public situations by people I love.

Consequently, as someone whose love language is words, if I am hurt, I am at risk of using my words carelessly to hurt back.

Some of the moments I cling to that revive my soul are encouraging affirming words others have spoken. When they have loved me enough to proclaim appreciation over me either in public or in private, it has blessed me deeply.

Over the years, God has taken me to task on the way I use my words. As I raise a child who is like me in this way, I have become more aware.

God has a lot to say about how we use our words. One of the most cutting scriptures for me is James 3. Verse 6 stings, oh how it cuts! "The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."

Ouch!

I am horrified to admit that I have spoken words that have resulted in such destruction. Thank the Lord and others for forgiveness and fresh starts. Yes, plural.

I do not want my words to wield such terrible hurt.

It is important that I speak publicly about others strengths, my husbands, my children, family, friends, my ministry partners.

Everyone!

Seriously. Let's be honest; everyone needs words of honor spoken over them. I want to be known as someone who speaks life into the souls of others. I want to be a cheerleader for others.

I want to build up rather than tear down.

God wants this too. Through Paul he charges me to Romans 12:10 be devoted to others in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

To do this, I need to be secure. My worth and identity in Christ need to be my foundation.

Unshakable.

It is from my security in Christ that I can look past myself to acknowledge the strengths and gifts of others. It frees me from needing to boost my ego through bragging to look at what is brag-worthy in others. When who I am is grounded in the certainty of God's love for me and the value he places on me, my words are freed up to focus on others and celebrate their uniqueness.

I choose to honor. I choose to declare over others their accomplishments and abilities. I choose to use the power of my voice to bring life and affirmation to others. I want to be your cheerleader!! Out loud, actively, in public and one on one!

You and Me Together

When was the last time you made your husband feel like he was your hero? Is he entirely convinced that he is your one and only? Does he know he still makes you weak in the knees when he enters a room?

Life gets hard. We can get lost in the grind of it all. Add some kids, work, school, music and other extracurricular commitments and you can lose sight of each other quickly.

Don't lose sight of each other!!

The demands of life cannot eclipse the one we chose to love for life.

Over the child raising years, we have made a solid effort to stay connected. Ballroom dancing is still on the top of the list for best date night/week!! We laughed our way through classes and had so much fun together. We cannot wait to go back! Another date ended with hysterical giggles in the card aisle of London Drugs. It was a good month for funny cards (or we were just that exhausted!!)

We also were quick to learn our limit of commitment to things outside of the essentials. We kept extracurricular activities manageable. We pulled back when we discovered we had taken on too much  Over time, we learned what rhythms we could maintain. We haven't always done this perfectly. But there were signs along the way, and we did our best to pay attention. Our priority always remained,  stay healthy as a family and in our marriage. We cannot and should not offer our kids everything. We cannot do everything we are asked to. The best word we every learned was "no."


Our best energy needs to remain available and focused on God, marriage, kids, work. For us, it has to be in that order. Our children have no doubt about our love and commitment to these priorities and the order of them.

Lately, I have realized that I needed a course correction. Every once in a while, life throws me off. I need to make sure, in many little ways, each day, that Craig knows he is my hero and the love of my life.  My words, my actions, priorities all need to demonstrate this. I choose him, and he still makes me weak in the knees. He needs to know that!

We are at this weird place in life, in the blink of an eye, our children will be out the door. While we have treasured these years with our amazing kids and have wished time to slow down, we are also giddy to be alone, just the two of us. I am feeling a little done with sharing my husband. I want him all to myself again!

I think part of why we feel this way is that we made that effort to stay connected. We have not lost site of our marriage being something that needs nurturing. We have done our best through the good, bad and ugly of life to keep reaching for God and moving toward each other. We have worked to learn how to keep connecting to each other through the joy, mundane, grief and pain that life throws at us.

You and me together babe! Can't wait for what's next!!

Joy Will Come

Sometimes it is easier to hurt than it is to watch someone you love hurt.
One of our children is grieving, and it is hard to witness.

A couple of years ago our son made a sports team and on the way back from an out of town tournament a particular Coach started asking my husband Craig questions about, God, faith, how it has impacted our life choices as people and parents. Eight hours of questions.

 Our son listened off and on to the conversation from the back seat.

When they got home from the tournament, they were excited to share about the trip. Our son started praying for his Coaches salvation. His frequent questions or statements spurred us all to pray. Two or three times a week he would ask "Do you think he is a Christian yet?" "I want my Coach to know God", or "I want him to be in Heaven with us."

The only way we could respond was to agree with him and pray together for this Coach.

Weeks, maybe even months went by and this is how it went. God put a deep love in our hearts for this young Coach, who was soon to be married. We prayed fervently.

One day my best friend let me know she had had an unexpected conversation with this young man. She had let him know that we were friends and that our son was one of the players on his team. Through the conversation, it came about that he had become a believer. She was quick to share the good news. We were all thrilled!

Our son's faith was built by this news; it was a powerful answer to prayer.

The season ended and once in a while we would run into the Coach and chat. He always greeted us with his big warm smile. He had a way of making you feel like he was very glad to see you. He always took time to chat and he had a way of making our son feel important.

One chance meeting he let us know he had received some news about his health that was a bit scary and discouraging. Again, God put it on our hearts to pray. Our son, particularly burdened, expressed great sadness. Frequently he would say "I want God to heal him." "Have you heard how he is doing? Is he healed?" "I am glad he is going to heaven, but I want him to have more time here." We didn't always know the answers, but we always stopped to pray, asking God for mercy and healing for this young man, husband, Coach.

Craig went for coffee with this young Coach a couple of times, no change in the news. We kept praying.

Our son was excited to have the chance to train with this Coach again this season. While outwardly reserved, our son felt a particular bond with him. Knowing his prayers had been part of this Coaches journey and salvation, knowing they were now brothers in God's family was the foundation of that bond.

When his Coaches health took a turn for the worst, he was unable to make it to practices. Our son started asking frequently again, "Have you heard?" "Why isn't God answering us?" " I just want to go to practice and see him there again." There have been a lot of tears, no satisfactory answers, and desperate prayers.

Craig went to visit a few times, we didn't think to ask if our son could go too. We didn't know how important it would be. We didn't know that not having the chance to express his appreciation for this coaches impact or the opportunity to say good-bye would cause our son such regret and grief.

Knowing that as spiritual family we only say "See you in a while." doesn't ease the pain right now. Having God say "No"  to prayers like this is confusing. There are hard questions our son is wrestling with and deep grief we cannot ease. There are no answers that satisfy right now. Our child's grief is profound. We can only be with him in it. It reminds us to lift him and his coaches family in prayer, asking God to allow us all to see the beauty that he will bring out of this loss.

We do not grieve as those who have no hope. But we grieve. I want to be the one hurting instead of having to watch my son experience this loss.  A parents instinct is to protect our children from difficulties. To do this is not always in their best interest. I know that God will use it in ways I cannot yet know.  Pain and suffering develop faith, character and endurance. If we invite God into our hurt he will always redeem it, he never wastes it. I know this from experience. I trust God for it in my son. His pain drives me to my knees in prayer. I am asking that my son will invite God into his grief. It is the only way he can experience the joy that comes after mourning.  I know this from experience too. Joy will come.