Breaking Forth

 I love spring. I love to see the tiny green grass blades slowly make their way through the brown, crusty layer of last season's turf. I love to see the dull landscape transform. Buds start to form on the trees, they grow, colour seeps into them as they get bigger and bigger. The trees become tipped with bright spring green. Then almost over night the leaves come out, the grass is up and flower buds begin to form.  The slow transition finishes with what feels like the breaking forth of life.

I love that this season occurs as I run out of steam for the school year. Spring with its promise of new life. The promise that summer just about here. It gives me a little hope. A break is coming. Life will slow down. Summer, the sun, the lake, relaxing with friends and family is just around this corner!

This year is different. This spring my mind is dwelling on the transition. The transition between seasons, the transitions in life. Our daughter has her grade 12 convocation tomorrow. I thought I was fine. I thought I was prepared. This has been coming for years. It isn't like it surprised me. Then the right person, asked the right question at the wrong time and tears sprung, with out warning, to my eyes! Oh man!! What is that all about?!

First let me say, it has been fun getting ready. She is low key, she has her priorities straight and she has been amazing. Seriously! AMAZING!! 

I am excited for her. I don't want to hang on. I am thrilled to see what life is going to bring! I am full of excited anticipation about what God has for her! It is time and I am ready! 

I just think that as the flower grows and develops inside that flower bud, there is this point where it has to break open in order to bloom. I think that must hurt. As beautiful as it is, something has to break in order for there to be room for the flowers full bloom to be free. If a part of the bud refuses to let go, the flower is marred. It does not reach it's full beauty. It's potential isn't fully achieved.

I know you have heard me say that I have been loving the teen years. Not that they have been without struggle, or difficulty. But for the most part, these years have been great. Way better than I thought they could be. We have this fantastic thing going. I love life right now!! Even with it's bumps and bruises, it has been incredible!! Not perfect, but so, so, very fun!! 

As I process the transition we are in, I am grateful for what we have been given. As I look at the coming fall, sending our daughter on to college, I feel delight and grief. I love having her here, where I get to hear her laugh and smile. Close where I can hug her. I love how she gets on with her brothers, how she teases with us and shares herself with us. I love her wit, her mind, her faith. I completely identify with my friend who said " I feel like a child at a really great birthday party and I have to leave the party before I am ready to go!" That sums it up. That is what it is like. That is exactly what I am feeling.

For the next beautiful thing to happen, this phase will have to come to an end. Everything we are loving so much right now has to change. It has to. For the flower to bloom, the bud has to break. That hurts. That is why tears sprung to my eyes when the right person asked the right question at the wrong moment ;)

I want to manage this change of seasons well. I want to let the flower bloom completely. I don't want to be like the bud that doesn't completely break free, causing the flower to be disfigured.  I want to do this right. I want to do everything in my power to make sure that our first born, our family and this new season of life can reach it's full potential. I want to acknowledge the beautiful life we have had. But, I don't want to hang on to it so hard that I miss the beauty that is coming. I want to have a grateful heart and open hands to receive what is next. I am willing to go through the pain to get there, I am willing to break open so new beauty can break forth.