Help I'm a Mom: No Black Sheep

Have you ever felt like the Black Sheep? No matter what you do, you can't just go with it, you need to challenge or fight? It is you against the world? Were your siblings the good ones?

Do you have a sibling who no matter the consequence had to go against the flow?  Do you know some one who has an innate need to fight the system? Were you the good one?

We were listening to a preacher, he talked about "good kids" in a family and immediately one of my children jokingly tapped the others on the arm.  It was wrapped in a smile and light-hearted on the surface. My heart hurt as I wondered to myself if that child felt like the "bad kid" a "black sheep". Does my deeply loved, adored child really feel like a bad kid? How have I failed?!?

A Warrior child is most at risk of the label. They may take on this black sheep mantle for a few reasons.

1. They recognize that they struggle to obey which results in family conflicts and can be confused about why it is so hard for them. 
2. They see their siblings obeying easily and feel bad because they struggle with that. 
3. Their siblings are often confused by their need to fight and wonder why their Warrior sibling can't just do what needs to be done. Frustration and disapproval can be communicated through words and body language.
4. A Warrior child sees less conflict in other family relationships and concluded they are bad for fighting. 
5. Things can be expressed during conflict that a Warrior child can misinterpret to mean they are bad.

Kid's naturally make comparisons even if we as parents don't. Even in spite of our discouragement of such behaviour, our Warrior child struggles to not compare themself to their siblings.

I talked to our child after that sermon to ask if they identify the self as the "bad kid".  They admitted though their behaviour was joking, there is a piece of them that feels that way. In spite of our affirmation, expressed love and acceptance, the fact that they need to fight and struggle to obey leaves them feeling bad.

We have tried so hard to assure our children that their differences are strengths, cherished and that we delight in them. We have tried to express love and unconditional acceptance, yet our child still felt like the black sheep. I assured our child again that we do not think of them as the bad kid. I expressed our joy and pride in who they were. Every part of them is treasured by us.

We have tried to avoid this self labeling a few ways

1. Our love for them is unconditional, we do not withdraw love because of behavior.
2. We affirm their strengths.
3. We try to help them understand that conflict isn't bad.
4. We are committed to fighting fair and check that our behaviour to others is in line with how we want to be treated.
5. We encourage the sibling to celebrate and value their differences and have grace on one another's weaknesses.
6. There are no bad kids, no black sheep, in this family. They are all made in the image of God and declared good.

Our Warrior has seen that aspect of their personality as bad, wrong. They have wished it wasn't part of them. While it can be challenging to guide, we love this part of our child. They are courageous, sure of their convictions, a leader and amazing. We have tried to affirm the Warrior in them, acknowledging that it is a piece of God's image.

I have prayed long and hard for God to change this child's view of this part of their character.  One day God asked me to start to pray a song over this child.  Right there in the lyrics was one of the answers to my hearts-cry for my child.

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

One day as we were driving together the Spirit nudged me to tell this child that God had called me to pray this song over them. That for months I had been praying this. I mentioned that the lyrics were Gods message. That God delighted in their Warrior heart because he is a Warrior. They don't need to fight on their own, He is with them in it.

I felt the Holy Spirit fill the car, my child's heart quieted and opened to hear. God spoke love, acceptance and healing into their heart and I got to witness it. It was one of the most beautiful moments I have had the delight of witnessing.

If you are a Warrior child, you are not a black sheep, you are a champion in training, made in the image of The Champion.

If you have a sibling who is a Warrior, guard yourself against resentment and frustration.  Ask God to help you see them as God sees them, try to be lavish with love, acceptance and grace as you desire to be treated in your areas of struggle.

If you are raising a Warrior, delight in their strength, will and tenacity. While they seem so confident, they often need a double dose of  encouragement, love and acceptance. God loves that part of your child and wants it affirmed, guided and cultivated. He has trusted you with that incredible task and will equip you for it.

More Than Comfort

When you think of comfort. what images arise?

I think of my big comfy chair bathed in sunlight.

How do you respond to situations that push you beyond what you are comfortable with? What is your response to discomfort?

I was listening to a sermon by a favorite speaker/author, Bob Goff. He is hilarious but poignantly inserts deep truths.  One of the many truths that caused me to reflect from this latest sermon was "Comfortable people don't need God."

It made me wonder...

In what ways do I need to challenge my comfort? How is comfort undermining God's place in my life? In what ways am I relying on myself instead of God because life is comfortable?

We know how it works, life is good and we are going along, we talk to God a little less, read our bibles infrequently, all of a sudden we are cruising along ignoring him.

Then something doesn't go our way and we need him again. We pray more, dive into the Word and we are clinging to God again.

How do we carry that need for him into the easy times? How do we challenge comfort, so we remember our dependence on God?

My prayer has been that God would teach me how to love him with my heart, soul, mind and strength and love my neighbour as myself. I have found that as I try to maintain this focus and as God honours my desire, He has a great way of making me uncomfortable.

God has been pushing me in a couple of ways. He keeps nudging me into areas that are hard for me. One area is leadership.  Leadership is scary to me for a few reasons. To lead well requires vulnerability, and reveals my inadequacies.

Vulnerability is terrifying. When I share myself, I open myself up to potential rejection. If people do not like what is exposed, they may pull away or abandon me. That can be very scary.

When I share myself with others, they have the opportunity to judge me. Sometimes we hold leaders to standards that are unfair. We may expect more of them. I am going to disappoint.

To lead with integrity and follow the Spirit's leading means sometimes I am called to share parts of myself that I haven't shared before. That is a very vulnerable place to be. This gives others intimate knowledge that they could potentially use to hurt me. Most people won't. More times than I can count, I have been received with grace. But there is always a fear.

Leadership exposes my failings. I am flawed. My worst fear is that my inadequacies could hurt someone. A careless word or action on my part could divide someone from our church family or from God. I pray that God would lead me in righteousness and love, but I am human. I can almost guarantee I will mess up.  That scares me. It keeps me dependent on God.

If I have hurt you, I want to know so I can make it right. I want to be humble, approachable and learn from my mistakes.

This blog is another step into the uncomfortable.

Sometimes God asks me to share something and all I can think is "I have no idea who is going to read this!!!" It is out of my hands with the blog. I have no control of the audience. I wonder why anyone would read what I have to write? When God is urging me to be vulnerable, what do the people who read think? Of me, of him? What might be the common human experience between myself and an individual in the United Arabic Emirates or Sri Lanka?

Yikes!!

It is all very stretching, a little uncomfortable. And...it keeps me dependent on God. As I seek to love God, he leads me into the unknown, constantly pushing the boundaries of my trust and faith.  He challenges me and grows me.

My greatest joys have happened when I follow God into the deep.

I am learning that when I follow, God is faithful. He has given me sweet moments of glimpsing another's soul when my own vulnerability has given them courage to open up.

I am learning that while I may get hurt, he is with me in it, and that is enough. God has suffered for me and I am learning to be willing to suffer for him. An easier thing to say than do. It's a work in progress...

God is more concerned about my character than my comfort. My love for him and who I am are his priority.

I am learning that a life that pushes the limits beyond my comfort, is where life is rich and full and beautiful. It is a life beautifully dependent on God.

I want to move beyond comfort, I want to be in situations that make me aware of my need and continually push me to press into God.

In what ways do you need God to interrupt your comfort so that you need Him?

Why Were You Not You?

Are you trying to be yourself? Or are you trying to be someone else?

Are you trying to grow where someone else was planted?

I was reminded a couple of times this week about a vision God gave me when I was a teenager.

I was working at a camp and was away from my family for the first time. We were training and preparing for the summer. Everyone had been sent off for a period to pray and seek God.

During my prayer time, God gave me a vision of a beautiful birch tree, bright green leaves & flourishing. It was gorgeous. A large canopy of shade, providing space for birds to rest and nest. Sunlight streaming through the leaves. Then he drew my eye to the base of the trunk. In the deep shade of this magnificent tree, there was this little sapling trying to grow. This little sapling was trying hard to grow out of the same spot as the huge, mature tree. The sapling was stunted, failing to thrive and reach it's potential. A sad specimen in contrast to the beautiful full birch.

Then in a moment, God revealed to me that the full mature birch tree was my view of my older sister. A very talented, beautiful, charismatic, social teen at the time. I loved her and thought the world of her. In many ways, she was the brightest star in my universe. I wanted to be like her and  I am sure it drove her crazy.

God then directed my gaze to the struggling sapling again. He showed me the many ways I was trying to be like her. I was not honoring how God had made me and desired to mature me. I was resisting becoming myself and the cost to me was great. He showed me that there wasn't room for two of us in that same spot, one would always overshadow the other. There would be a constant struggle for light.

Then God showed me how he wanted to plant me in my own spot. I wouldn't be fighting to reach the sun, or have to compete for the nutrient rich soul or for water. God had a place for me. He wanted to give me space and opportunity to grow. He planned a place for me to develop and thrive. Furthermore, he wanted the joy of watching me grow into who he designed me to be.

It was a spot in the forest that God wanted to plant me, a spot meant for me. A place he intended to use me to fill.

God showed me that it would be empty without me. He had made me with the gifts, personality, interests and qualities for that space. If I chose to not develop into who he designed me to be, that space would remain barren.

If I continued to try to be like my sister, I would stay underdeveloped, failing to reach my potential and purpose. It would harm me in the end.

That tiny little sapling was a pathetic sight to me in the vision. I realized it was hurting God to see me deny who he had called me to be. It was a slight to my Maker to ignore his work and purpose for me. Denying how he made me was in a way, denying God. Through the vision, God let me feel his grief.

Rabbi Zusya, when he was an old man said, "In the coming world they will not ask me: 'Why were you not Moses?' instead, they will ask me; 'Why were you not Rabbi Zusya?'"

From that point on I have tried to honour God by accepting who he had made me to be.

Where to start?

Who am I? I am not defined by my abilities, likes or what I do well. I am a child of God.  My identity is in Him.

What am I like? I was an introvert trying to be an extrovert....yeah, not good!! I started to learn about myself.

What am I good at? I needed to let God teach me through experience, affirmation from others and honestly, a little trial and error. Through all of that, over time, God revealed what abilities, talents, and gifts that he wanted me to develop and use.

Are you denying who God made you to be?

Will you be asked, "Why were you not you?"

The Fruit of The Spirit: Love

When you think of love, what comes to mind? What forms your understanding of this word and all it encompasses?

In looking at the Fruit of the Spirit, love heads the list. As we go on, it becomes apparent that all of the qualities listed are interwoven. They are interdependent and define one another. It is the fruit of the Spirit, not fruits. A singular fruit, not plural.

As we experience God, spend time with him, get to know him, learn about him, we increase in all these qualities.

If my goal is to love God with all my heart, soul, strength and mind. To obey him by loving others as I love myself.  I desire to emulate his qualities as an act of worship. It is a natural response to who He is. To reach this goal, I must define it.


At the head of the list of fruit in Galatians is love. What is ideal I am reaching for? In the original Greek the word used in the Galatians passage is agape.

Agape love is a pure love that is always seeking the best of the other. Agape love is total and unconditional. It is not dependent on the actions, feelings or behavior of the other. It devotes total commitment to actively pursue the others ultimate best, no matter the response. Agape love is completely selfless, other focused. It does not change no matter what the circumstances. This is the original and only true form of love.

In Christianity Agape is considered to be the love originating from God or Christ for humankind.  Matt 3:17, Mark 10:21. In the New Testament, it refers to the covenant love of God for humans, as well as the human reciprocal love for God; the term necessarily extends to the love of one's fellow man.

This is the love we are called to exhibit through the Holy Spirit and his work in our lives. This is the love we are called to extend to our faith family and all people around us.

Anyone else feeling woefully lacking?!?  Yikes!

This is a high call.

I don't know about you, but most of the time, I feel bogged down in the mud.

While I aspire to exhibit the fullness of agape love as God has given me, I recognize my limits.

I am not able to love this way on my own.

I want to. With all my heart I want to!

If I am really honest with myself, I know I am not able on own.

That is why to increase in this kind of love, I do not only focus on demonstrating this kind of love. I focus on experiencing God, as I receive His love for me, it flows out to others. To merely act loving is not enough. This kind of love flows from the heart and soul of our being.  It only happens as we are transformed by the Holy Spirit as we experience the presence of God through the moments of every day.

The biblical definition of love is found in Corinthians. As we compare we find that many of the qualities that define love in Corinthians are the qualities listed in the Galatians chapter describing the fruit of the Spirit. These characteristics are inseparable.

As I grow in love, I will grow in joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I may not see the growth from day to day or week to week, but over years, decades, these qualities should come to define me.

As I seek to love others unconditionally, as I strive to seek their best, I am desiring to extend to others the love God has extended to me. This kind of love is only possible through the Holy Spirit. The more I understand God's love for me, the more I am able to give that same love to another.

In what ways do we need to understand God love so that we can extend it to others without reservation?

What's In A Name?

Do you know the meaning of your name? When your parents chose it, what was their thought process?

 Growing up, I was one of many Lisa's. 3 to be exact.  I was simply Lisa, the other two had to use their middle names.  I am not sure why it worked out like that, but it did.

I really disliked having so many people share my name.  As a creative child, it bothered me that my name wasn't unique. 

One year, the three of us ended up in one class. My name was constantly being called, only sometimes for me. I felt silly for responding to someone when they meant to call one of the other Lisa's, it was awkward... 

I was not the child who couldn't find their name on a pen, mug or fake little license with a rainbow on it. I was the kid who was lucky if there was one with my name left.

Once I looked up the meaning of my name in the baby name book that my parents had on a shelf in the basement.  As soon as I read that meaning, I loved my name. All of a sudden it became unique, special.  

Lisa is derived from Elizabeth. The meaning I read that day was Set Apart for God.

When I read that meaning I felt like I was hand selected and set apart.  I was no longer one of many, but specifically chosen.  

It felt like God whispered into my soul. "You are mine, set apart for me." It was a word of love for a little girl who felt unseen, outshone and one of many. Since reading the meaning of my name, I have felt this call on my life. It is where the name of this blog came from. It is one of my life verses and what has motivated me. This truth has been firmly planted in my heart since that day. I am set apart.

The thing is, you are set apart too. 

The fact that I have been chosen and you have been chosen does not diminish how extraordinary it is.

If we love and follow Jesus, we have been called. Chosen. Set apart.

It is the call to be Holy. 

To be holy by definition is to be set apart, dedicated to God.

The foundation of being set apart, is a relationship. It is how " I will be your God and you will be my people" is lived out practically every day. At the heart, it is knowing God and Him knowing you. It is not just choosing to live well and follow the 10 commandments. It is a call to relationship with God.

I love this description found in an excellent article on what it means to be set apart:

God's call to be holy is a radical, all-encompassing claim on our lives, our loves, and our very identities. To be a disciple of Jesus Christ requires nothing less than death to our fallen, egocentric selves in order that we might live in and for him. "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it," says Jesus, "but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:35-36). To be holy means that all we are and all we have belongs to God, not ourselves, and that every aspect of our lives is to be shaped and directed toward God.

This is what we are called to.

This is what it means to be set apart for more. All that we are and all that we do is shaped and directed to God. It is where purpose, peace and fullness lie.

Thank You

Thank you.

Just a simple thank you.

I made an order for my business through my Rep the other week. It came in perfectly and I sent a little "Thank you!" Well at first I forgot to send it. Then I finally remembered, oops!

I got the most appreciative response.

I was taken off guard actually

Paraphrased...
"You have no idea how much your gratitude meant. You would be surprised how few people express appreciation!"

Hmm....

It is such a simple thing. Yet so often we forget to express this simple consideration. How hard is it to remember to say "Thank you"?

How often do I forget to say it?!?!

Expressing appreciation can give someone the energy to keep going when they thought they couldn't continue.  It is an acknowledgement of someone's work, effort, ability, skill or thoughtfulness. It reveals that you are looking past yourself and recognizing the actions or contributions of another.

People expressed that they would work harder for verbal appreciation than they would for money.

Are motivated to work harder when appreciated.

Other data revealed that money alone is not enough motivation to work harder but verbal appreciation is necessary.

Companionship and recognition are more significant are more important factors in employee retention that monetary reward. The basics of a kind culture involve consideration and respect, and these increase the creative output of both individuals and teams.


The building blocks of consideration and kindness are "Please" and "Thank You".

I love Thanksgiving weekend. It is a perfectly placed break after getting into the rhythm of fall. It is also a great reminder.

Gratitude keeps things in perspective. It can help us rise above the daily frustrations. When we were going through an incredibly difficult time and we didn't see how it could possibly work out, Craig and I focused on the discipline of acknowledging all God had and was doing for us. The daily discipline of thanking God for his goodness to us kept anxiety and fear at bay. It steadied us. It helped us remember God is good and bigger than our troubles.

Giving thanks can keep us focused on Gods' goodness when life is going well. It keeps Him in his rightful place. The daily practice of gratitude keeps us humble and in our rightful place too.  It can help us be present and appreciate the sweet moments of regular life. Perspective!

Give thanks!

The Fruit of The Spirit: How???

I have been struggling with who I am and who I want to be. The difference has been creating tension and dissatisfaction within me. This has led me to study the Fruit of the Spirit more closely this year.

I shared this in an earlier post titled Fruit of the Spirit: Dichotomy

Bear fruit? What??? How?? What kind of crazy metaphor is this???

On this journey of becoming who I want to be rather than who I naturally am, it can be hard to know where to start or how to go about it.

How do I bear fruit?

I can behave lovingly without actually being more loving in my true soul. When the tension, pressure, and hardships of life come, who I am in my innermost being leaks out of the stress fractures that crack my carefully constructed facade.

I was asked to speak about patience to a group of youth last year. I love youth. They are bold, honest and engaging.  I tried some new appetizer recipes out. I asked the Youth to show me what patience looks like while their leaders came and tasted the various treats.

The youth did a great job displaying patience yet, when questioned further, they admitted to feeling cheated, feeling like it was unfair that their leaders got food while they didn't. In short, their inner dialogue exposed impatience. Many admitted that while appearing patient on the outside, they were not actually patient on the inside.

I am way past looking for a surface fix. For a long, long time I have been digging for way more than an external make-over. I want more than a sprucing up of outward appearances.

I want my inner self to be transformed. We are talking major renovation of the heart.

As a brand new Mom, I joined an intimate study. We went through Experiencing God together. It was a perfect storm in my life for God to begin a mighty work.

I struggled with Post Pardum Depression as a new Mom. One day I will share that story. This is not that day. Suffice it to say, motherhood revealed to me that I, like Paul, was the worst of sinners 1Timothy 1:15 NET. I came face to face with my true self. I valued God's grace, salvation, and mercy in deeper more profound ways than ever before. I knew the true depths of my need and began a desperate journey to know and love God more and more.  I had an insatiable desperation to be a new creation.

How does one go about this???

The first chapter of Experiencing God focused of John 15. It beautifully set my focus. I was head over heals with God. I was so amazed by the depth of his love for me. I loved him desperately in return. I wanted God's fruit in my life. There was only one way to to get it.

Jesus told his disciples “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me—and I in him—bears much fruit, because apart from me you can accomplish nothing."

Bear fruit.

Remain in him.

Remain...

I am not responsible for the fruit.

I am responsible for remaining.

We tend to want to make this complicated. We want steps to follow, we want it mapped out. When I remain, God will take care of the fruit! This is so freeing!! It is so much more simple than I want to make it!!

Blackaby writes in his  introduction to the first day that knowing God does not come through a program or a method. It is a relationship with a person. An intimate love relationship with God.

We are all wired to relate to God in different ways. But if we do not spend time in his presence, we are not going to develop this relationship. It may mean that we have to go beyond our natural inclinations. If we like to be busy, we may have to learn to be still in his presence. The example of Mary and Martha illustrates this.

The command is:  Be Still and know that I am God. It doesn't look like an optional statement to me...

If we like to be with people, we may have to learn to embrace solitude, Jesus modeled this as he often went off alone to pray. If Jesus needed it, how much more do we???

We are to have His words remain in us. This is more than using the Bible as a work of literature or as an academic book. It is knowing the word of God, using it as a way to know Him and enjoy Him.

We are to remain in His love by obeying what he commands. We can only know what His commands are if we know His words. We may like to seek understanding, wrestle with spiritual truths academically but there is a time to apply truth and live it out practically through obedience.

We may be introverted, or struggling to get over church hurt. We may be disappointed with Christians as a whole. I am sorry if I have caused such disappointment for you. It is the last thing I want to do! We may want to follow on our own, but God placed us in a spiritual family. He called us to get to seek him and live life together as a body. Together we sharpen each other, we spur one another on.

There are loads of disciplines that explore how to be in God's presence and grow our relationship with him.

I know that some of the most difficult for me to develop, and the disciplines that are not in line with my natural wiring, have become some of my most treasured and valuable ways of interacting with God.

Don't write off a discipline off because you don't think it will work for you. Give it an honest effort and time before you make that decision.

Here are a couple of resources:

Be Still
Remain
Delight in His word.
Obey his commands.
I believe these are the starting points.

Let's try a new way. I am looking forward to an abundant harvest of fruit!!