Do I Have a Favorite?

Do you think your parents play favorites?  Do you think you are the favorite?  

Does your sibling or siblings think they are too?

We were talking with a group of young adults and they were convinced their parents had favorites. they were so bold as to assert that Craig and I had favorites among our children.

As much as we tried to convince them otherwise, that was their perspective. 

I was a little put off at being told I have a favorite amongst my kids. 

I love them all so much that it makes my heart almost burst. yet how I love them is different.

I really, really hope they all think they are my favorite!

Once you become a parent, I think this changes. I have been struggling to find the words to express my love for my kids.  My love is equal yet different for each of them. I maintain that I do not have a favorite.

I am disturbed by the idea of favorites because each family in the Old Testament who chose a favorite child was ripped apart by that behavior. I want nothing to do with it. It is unhealthy in every way. I actually consider it a generational sin, Isaac and Rebecca each had a favorite and that caused family division, their son Jacob favoring Joseph caused division. These people are included to let us know to follow God we do not have to be perfect, but shame on us if we do not learn from their mistakes!

Even so, I still lacked the words to describe the intensity yet varied nature of my love for my children.

I meet with a group of beautiful young women (inside and out!). We started a devotional called Without Rival, found in the Bible study plans in the YouVersion Bible App.  It is based off a book called Without Rival by Lisa Brevere. It is fantastic and addresses our identity in God specifically as women. Yet the truths apply to men also.

In this study, Lisa proposes that God loves us uniquely and my soul cried out “YES!!!”

We are created unique, there is no one like us. We are unique in our appearance, temperament and in how we are designed to worship and honor God.

To honor our uniqueness, God loves us uniquely.

AHA! This is exactly what I was trying to express to my young friends. I may not be as good at this as God, but this is what I try my best to do as a Mom. 

My children are completely different from one another. One is an extreme extrovert, one is an extreme introvert and one is an extroverted introvert. One spends their spare time reading, another playing music, the other expressing their creativity in artistic model design. While each possesses these next qualities, each of them shines more in a specific area. One has an incredible imagination, one a talent for information and knowledge and the other is gifted in reason and understanding. 

How am I to love them the same when they are so different? It is impossible!

Just because one shines in an area does not diminish the shine of the others in their area of strength.

I do not value any of these traits above the other and do not love one child more than another. They each are fascinating and wonderful. 

I do not love my children the same, I love them the way they are in their uniqueness, which in turn renders my love for them unique. 

And so to honor their uniqueness, I love each one uniquely.

They do not need to compete for my love. They are the only one of their kind. 

No one can compete with them. 

There can be no rivalry because no one can rival them. 

That is what it means to be unique.

Children, if you are reading this,  believe it with all your heart. 

Your parents love you each fiercely and uniquely. 

There is no one else that I love the way I love you, Sydney.

There is no one else that I love the way I love you, Quin.

There is no one else that I love the way I love you, Connor.

You cannot compare it, it cannot be measured. Each of you is precious and priceless to me.

When I commend one, it does not mean I value them more, 

There are qualities I commend you for too! If you need reminders about where you shine, 

come ask me. 

Do not feel outshone by your sibling, you shine in beautiful ways too. You can all shine without diminishing one another's glow. 

Do not compare yourselves to one another.  

Your Father and I do not compare you to each other, 

because each of you is beyond compare.

My dear children,  how beautiful to realize your Heavenly Father loves each of you this way? It removes all need to compete because there is no one in your category. You are one of a kind. There is no one to compare you to.

You are Without Rival.

Dear Graduates...

High School Grad occurred this weekend for our son. He was a little nonchalant about it. and honestly, that is mostly our fault.

You see, we have told him High School Grad is a basic expectation. While being a step in his path to achievement, we assume it is going to happen.  After Grad, he is still an unskilled worker in society and success in life is not guaranteed.  They have finished the prep work and are now at the start line.

Dear Graduates;

There are things your teachers, parents and the world will tell you that are simply not true.

1. You can be anything.  I do not know where this one came from. It just simply is not true. There are things that you cannot do.  No matter how hard you believe in yourself, some things are just not yours to be had.  You have certain skills, talents, abilities and interests and if you take opportunities that arise, develop them and see where they lead, it is going to be a very interesting life.

You have limitations. These are also part of what make you unique and human. Learn to accept these limitations, shine where you shine and let others shine where they shine.

Can you own an Island, fly a jet and be a billionaire? Well, the stats are not in your favor. Eventually, you are going to have to be OK with that!

2. Academic success (straight A's, insane GPA's and 99 percentiles) is everything. Schools might not say this out loud, but it is implied through the awards schools present and unbalanced glorification of those who thrive in the academic setting. Academics is one aspect of life. I personally love academics! Graduated the top of my Program at UNBC. Now, 18 years later, who cares??? Seriously! Who. Cares!

Balance is important, so is community involvement. I just spoke with a gentleman who is involved in hiring staff. They actively look for individuals who are well rounded.  Academic success does not always equal well rounded.

3. Do what you are passionate about. Really???  Let's be honest, how many people in the world earn a living at their passion?  Come on!  I apologize for this myth, we almost paralyze many of you with it. It is really unfair. First of all, you are 18, you probably do not know yet what your passion is! That is OK, you will discover it, no worries. Really, do not worry about it.

If you do know your passion and you pursue it for work, you very likely will diminish your passion for it. And finally, most of us do what we are passionate about after work or on the weekend.  If you work at what was previously your hobby, what will be your hobby? Filling your whole life up with work brings us right back to #2! 

Here is the reality, 

1. Learning to work well with others is foundational. Treat people the way you want to be treated. With the chaos in the world right now, that could stand being said again.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. 

Some of you will have to learn this after the bubble of High School because you got away with some completely unacceptable behavior while there. Many of you figured this out early and it shows,  emotionally healthy adults can pick up on this! Before you talk, act, or respond ask yourself would I want someone to talk, act, or respond to me this way? It goes a long way to making family, workplaces and the world a better place. Get this and you are ahead of 75% of people!

2. Take time, travel, work, try new things and take risks. Develop yourself in any way you can.  Become well rounded. Opportunity will arise and it is to your advantage to take it and find out what it reveals. Find out your interests and follow them. If something intrigues your curiosity, follow it. Most of us are working in fields that focus on what we are interested in. If it keeps our interest and curiosity, that is a great way to spend a work week! Start where you are interested, the rest will come together, trust me!

3.  You are going to really not like this one! I didn't at your age. Listen to the people who know and love you! They have watched you grow and know you. They see your strengths and the honest ones will acknowledge your weaknesses. They can give you insight into yourself. They can give you ideas about what this world might have for you. Listening doesn't mean you have to do it. OK!?! But, it will give you a starting point. Investigating those areas might cause you to trip upon the one you are interested in.

I am not telling you these things to burst your bubble. I care, I see how the lies society throws at you cause you frustration, can paralyze you from taking action and often overwhelm you with unhealthy expectation.  We have made this next step seem so important and life altering that you may feel afraid to start.  

It is not that intense.

Many of us zig zag and change direction. a few of us have false starts and then discover what is really important to us and head off in that direction. The path is not always straight. There are detours and corners, tunnels and sometimes the path just stops and it is the chance to look for a new one. This is the adventure of life. Do not get so focused on the destination that you forget to live while on the journey.

Enjoy it!

Praying for your best!

With Love,

Lisa