Set Apart for More: "Can God do it Mom?"

Set Apart for More: "Can God do it Mom?": "Can God do it, Mom, can he heal something like that?" my son asks with a low, earnest voice.  Our man-child looks at m...

"Can God do it Mom?"

"Can God do it, Mom, can he heal something like that?" my son asks with a low, earnest voice.

 Our man-child looks at me with grave eyes, his heart breaking.

All at once I see the man he is becoming and the innocent sweet child who would hold my hand and look up at me, smiling with mischief.

The two images collide in a sacred moment with such force it almost takes my breath away.

"What kind of damage does that do to a girl?"

"What has to go wrong with a person that they would treat someone like that, someone they should protect?"

Grief fills his voice.

Confusion, anger, pain fill his expression.

He is hurting for his friend.

I want desperately to share hope, but he needs to wrestle.

My heart twists with pain as I witness his turmoil.

I have felt this as women have bravely shared their stories with me. My heart has struggled deeply with the injustice, exploitation, and suffering.

I recognize this sacred moment.

Moments when knowledge and personal experience meet.

All of a sudden free will doesn't seem like such a good thing anymore. People can choose to use their free will to hurt others, in profound, life-changing ways. Free will, the ability to be independent, choose our own values and behavior loses its appeal when abused. Choices can be made that grievously injure others, and I become intensely aware that there has to be more than this.

I look at my son, his spirit is burdened. His broad shoulders, tense as he bears the weight of this. It is not like he didn't know these things happen. But now it isn't something that happens to others.

It can happen to

someone he would have protected if he could.

It isn't intangible anymore. It is real.

 It has a face now.

 I love his compassionate heart. He values justice and integrity. He is a protector. He is a safe place. He is strong and gentle all at once. This man-child is growing up into a godly warrior. 

His heart values what God values.

In this moment of turmoil, my heart breaks as his heart deals with the reality of this tarnished world.
A world where people who should love one another hurt each other instead. I cannot shield him from this truth. I want to. There are no words. This is the world we live in. It can be ugly.

 Humanity is capable of great atrocities.

It is hard to see his innocent soul crash into hard truths.

This is real.
It happens to people he knows.

I am also bursting with pride as I witness him grasp for God in the midst of his confusion.  As I see his anguish for another's experience and pain, I am moved by his concern and compassion.  He has internalized loving people as he wants to be loved, so much so that he cannot make sense of this kind of behavior.

He is already an excellent man.

His solemn face gazes at me. His body tense with the fervor of his struggle.

"Can he Mom? Can God fix something like this?"

Looking at me expectantly with grief-filled eyes.

He is longing for hope.

God is big enough for this!

I have seen it with my own eyes dear one. God made women strong and resilient. While he wants them respected, cherished and loved, he is enough to meet them in this place and heal the hurt.

 God can bring beauty, even from this.

He is a God of miracles.

He is enough.

As I hug my child, I feel him relax into that truth. He releases the tension and feels the sorrow.

It is a sacred moment.

There is hope.

God is enough.

Help I'm a Mom: I am the Mom Right!?!

Have you ever wondered if you were really the one in charge? Or been confounded at how your toddler can seem to hold all the cards?

Have you ever found yourself yelling at the empty space, "I AM the Mom Right!?!

You are not alone dear one!

Some of us were gifted with children that test, explore, push and challenge. Yes I said gifted. Those three look like angels am I right?!?

They ran me off my feet!!

For real!!

Young Mom, I know you are tired, overwhelmed, completely beyond your depth. I know you wonder why God trusted you with that precious little.

I know because I have been there.

I have been tired, exhausted and in need of new tools. I have been deathly afraid of speaking my fear that I am doing it all wrong. What if someone figures out I have no idea what I am doing???

I have wondered if I should start a savings plan because my kids are going to be in need of counseling for years because of the mistakes I make.

I know the doubts.

"How can I be doing this right if a 3-year-old just out-witted me?!?"

• You are not alone!! Plenty of us have been there and are in shock as we watch our our youngsters turn into amazing humans!! It will happen, trust me!
• Keep filling your tool bag. Listen to how other families are handling there littles. Read, read, read. Dr. Kevin Leman was our go to parenting guy. He has so much wisdom!
• Keep your cool. A toddler, child, teen thinks that if they can't have their way, the next best thing is making you lose your mind. It's a win for them if you lose it! 
• Figure out what you can control and what you can't. Trust me, your toddlers & children know what is under their control. You cannot make them use the potty, or swallow their food. Don't wear yourself out fighting when you can't win.
• God is enough! He knows this kid needs you and you need this kid. He is big enough for your failures and is in the business of bringing good from our failure.

Your kids do not need you to be a perfect parent. They have God for that. 

They need you to teach them how to be human. Show them how to live broken, trying, succeeding sometimes, failing often.

Trust me, the challenges you are facing are one of the biggest gifts you have.

Take heart my weary friend!!

How we parent can teach our children valuable qualities that they need in this world.

• Tenacity: How to keep going when it is tough.
• Humility, Apologizing when we are wrong.
• Teachability, Recognizing when we need to learn and doing everything we can to do so.
• Self-Control: Learning to keep it together even when we want to throw a tantrum too.
• Love: We will move mountains to be the best for them  that we can be because of how we love them.

I know you are tired, give those babes to another adult for a while and go rest or treat yourself.

You are doing a great job.

 Keep at it!

A Most Beautiful Overlooked Attribute

I am going to brag on my Father-in-law. He is awesome! Gentle, kind, wise amazing man. I love him.

Dad has been a carpenter for a long time. It is a gift and how he made a living to provide for his family. He is so good at his work that he built a great clientele and became known as "The Master".  He would dislike me telling you this. He would shake his head and dismiss it or give a self deprecating joke.

He is humble.

It is an amazing quality.

Humility is often an overlooked attribute in people, but what a beautiful quality it is!!

Early in our marriage Craig observed his Dad in a number of situations where building was involved. He was a little confused when for the third or so time he observed his Dad ask someone else how they would approach a project. Craig was wondering why his Dad would do this since these people consistently did not share his Dad's experience or skill. It didn't make sense. At all! His Dad was the best at his work, he knew how to do everything in building. He had seen it all in his years of work. His Dad was "The Master" in construction and finish carpentry after all.

I figured it might be good to ask his Dad why and challenged Craig to do so. His Dad's answer was the best. I loved it! I already respected my Father-in-law, but this increased it significantly more.

Dad said " I like to find out how someone else would do it, maybe they thought of something I haven't."

Wow!

After 30-40 years of expertise, he wants to hear how some one else would approach it.  He is hoping to learn, grow, see something from a different perspective. He doesn't just assume he knows how and that is the only way.

I just love this reason for his behavior in so many ways. It exhibits humility, wisdom, a value for others and so much more. If you know Dad, this answer makes so much sense. It is who he is in a nutshell and I love him for it.

He is an amazing man. One worth emulating. He raised up a fine man to be my husband and one who shares many of his wonderful qualities. I am a lucky woman.

May I be of the same mind with others; instead of being haughty in mind or wise in my own estimation, let me associate with the humble.
(Romans 12:16)

When I read this scripture the other day, it was my Father-in-law and husband who came to mind. I am glad these good men are in my life!!

Three things here:

1. Harmony and unity with others should be my goal. If I think I am clever, or better than others, I will believe my opinion is worth more than theirs and my need for validation could threaten harmony.
2. Make friends with those who are humble. This is the opposite of using others to climb the ladder socially or for work. Seek out the humble, completely counter culture!!
3. Be careful not to think too highly of yourself. Have you been around someone who thinks they know everything, or who clearly thinks they are smarter or better than others? I bet someone came to mind. How do they treat others? Do they associate with the humble? Are they peace makers? Not usually!

This verse was in my morning reflection time this week. I am working at committing it to memory. I want the Holy Spirit to transform me with it. I want these qualities and attributes to be a part of my character and life.

What Are You Thinking About?

What are you thinking? You know, in the quiet, when you are brave enough to pay attention. What thoughts go through your mind?

I used to be a pessimist. I don’t know if it was a natural bent or if I learned it. As far as I knew, it was how I was. The beautiful thing is, I am not a pessimist anymore.

How did this happen?

The pattern of my negative inner dialogue was heightened and exposed when I experienced severe post-pardom depression.  I love being pregnant, it turns out the elevated levels of progesterone were a total high for me. The sudden plummet of hormones after birth put me in a tailspin until I finished nursing and they regulated again. By the third pregnancy my awesome doctor had figured it out, and I discovered that I really do like babies. I cannot tell you how thankful I was that God granted this insight to my Physician. Progesterone replacement was not an accepted form of treatment, my doctor was concerned about backlash from his peers and chose to try it with me anyway. I am so very grateful.

These two initial episodes exposed the flaws in my thinking to a degree I do not think words can adequately express. I was much more aware of my thoughts going forward and realized my tendency to let my thoughts dwell on negativity. I saw the connection to depression and behaviors in my life that I didn’t want. I started reading and researching. I did not want to experience depression again, I wanted to do what was within my power to prevent it. Because of my background in Psychology, I knew those initial two episodes put me at risk for future depression.

I began to analyze my thinking, how behavior was connected to it. I read, read some more and read more again. I started to journal and dove into scripture with a new thirst and intensity.

I recognized that I needed to renew my mind through truth, it was my responsibility to capture my thoughts and make them obedient. That meant being aware of what I was thinking, recognizing the lies and replacing them with truth. I was intensely convicted about the importance of my thought life and inner dialogue.

I was a classic analyzer, over thinker, trapped in my head with a million thoughts whirling around. I began the hard work of paying attention to those thoughts. Over time I got faster at discovering the lies I was permitting myself to believe. I was working hard to replace them with truth. Some days I was strong enough to, other days I failed, sometimes for weeks.

I stuck with it. When one of our children began to suffer from a chronic illness, I began to descend into the darkness of depression again. I got help from my doctor, relied on God and my friends for support.  I refused to give up because I wanted to be the best wife and Mom I could. God multiplied my feeble efforts. he gave me strength to be tenacious. When I failed, he picked me up and helpe me start again.

I cannot tell you when it happened. I cannot say there was a magic moment when I became different. Just all of a sudden I realized my inner dialogue was different. My brain had changed. I don’t dwell on the negative or get stuck in my head with my twisted thoughts. I have to stay on top of it, stay vigilant. But I have changed. God was faithful to His word and renewed my mind through truth.

We have experienced some significant stress in these last 8 years. Physical, emotional, and circumstances so dire we nearly lost hope. It has been a rough go. Situations that previously would have thrown me into depression did not have that impact on me. My doctor warned me with each surgery that depression was a risk. It didn’t happen even though I watched carefully for the symptoms. We have experienced grief, loss, frustration but in it all there has been joy, hope and a deep celebration of life. I have learned what it is to live abundantly in spite of struggle. It has come from changing my thoughts. My brain is different.

This sermon from Life Church is entitled Words To Live By, it is a powerful and effective teaching on this topic. We have printed out the download and are working through it with our kids. I encourage you to do the same. These are clear, well laid out action steps. Invaluable!!

Dr. Caroline Leaf is an expert in this field, she has done incredible research and work. If I had known about her when I graduated,  I would have dragged my family all the way to Africa to train under her. I would have volunteered if possible as my focus and interest was Neuropsych.  Her book Switch on your Brain is another excellent resource.

Our minds are powerful. They hold incredible potential.

What are you thinking about?

Where Are You Going?

For many, this is the time of year when they feel they get a fresh start. They excitedly anticipate what the New Year will bring and what can be. That often leads to New Years Resolutions...

I am not big on them.

Truthfully, I never have been.

The idea of New Years Resolutions is almost on the right track.  In reality, they lack staying power.  The longevity just isn't there. If there isn't a bigger picture they fit into, if resolutions do not fit where you are going as an individual, family, etc. they go nowhere. The repeated failure can create a cycle that leaves you stuck. You end up going nowhere.

A few weeks ago I shared a story with a group of women. I was surprised it came up and honestly a little taken aback with how passionate I was regarding the point I was making.

The Challenge was: Where are you going?

We have a dream to go to New York this year with some very dear friends. YAY!! We have a couple of dates worked out, we are searching for flight sales, we are researching what we want to do. We are having fun anticipating. The dream has started the action. It is fun.

Do you have a dream?

Who do you want to be?

What do you want your marriage or relationships to be?

What qualities and characteristics do you want your family to exhibit?

Have you dreamed any dreams for these things?

My parents have always been spiritual giants to me.  From the time I was young, their love for God impacted me. My Mom has displayed a servant heart, practical help for others and humility that I have always desired. My Dad demonstrated a passion for people, the word of God and spiritual disciplines. They live lives that make following Jesus attractive.

As a young woman, I was frustrated that I wasn't more like my Dad. Every evening I had seen my Dad study his Bible, from the time I was little. As a young adult, I was discouraged with my lack of discipline. Craig gently told me one day "You don't know where your Dad was at when he was twenty." Hmmm....

I was comparing myself to a man a couple of decades ahead of me. Even my memories as a little girl were of a man 10 years older than I was at the time. With Craig's challenge, it all came clear, it was an unfair comparison, but a worthy goal.

Instead of comparing, I set a direction for who I wanted to be. I got specific. I started to take steps toward that goal and align myself with people seeking that similar goal.  You learn to spot them along the way.

It takes a big picture idea, focus, action and accountability to achieve a goal.  I think New Years Resolutions fall short in most of these areas. Instead of making a resolution,

1. Dream a dream. define where you are going.
2. Identify the steps you need to take to get there.
3. Start with the first steps.
4. Align yourself with people who are already going there, they inspire you to keep going. When you get off track, they are the ones to see it first and help you find your way again.
5. Tell some one. Be vulnerable with those people you are aligning with, let them really journey with you. They can be your biggest cheerleaders, and often see growth when you do not.
6.  Build in regular evaluation check-points. It is important to take a block of time where you can fairly look at where you are, where you came from and what the next steps are in getting you to your destination. Consider sitting down and booking off some time every few months, a minimum of 4 times this year where you will take the chance to evaluate. Take that chance to set course, realign if needed and push on.
7. Don't give up. You are not going to get it perfect or even close every day. Don't waste time beating yourself up. Press on.

It is an interesting thing to dream a dream, action begins.  You start moving toward realizing it. If you don't know what God is putting on your heart, pray. If you get stuck, pray. If you can't find the people to align with, pray.  God can give you sight to see what is next, who he has for you or what direction he wants you to head. Just don't stop. Press on.

Keep your eyes on where you are going!