The Fruit of The Spirit: Dichotomy

Do you have those moments when you are confronted by the difference between who you are and who you want to be?

Do you ever feel the tension of those two not being in alignment?

Does the dichotomy of who you want to be and who you really are just stop you dead in your tracks sometimes?

I feel this tension intensely. Marriage, parenting, my role as a Pastor's wife and now blogging all expose the disunion of who I am and who I desire to be.

I wonder if once people really get to know me, do they wonder why God would ever choose me to support a man called to ministry, or raise three kids, or blog? I know that my flawed humanness will disappoint. People who struggle with putting their leaders on pedestals will be disillusioned and disgusted when they see my sin and brokenness.

When I fail to meet their expectations or needs, I fear that I will represent Christ and the pursuit of Christ poorly. Will they deem me unworthy of grace? I know I cannot meet everyone's expectations. I do and will inevitably hurt, disappoint and disillusion those I seek to minister to.

As I blog, I am keenly aware that readers are forming opinions of me. The words I write can misrepresent my true self. Often they express my struggle to be the best version of myself, not my actual self. I am conscious that I may mislead people to think I have it all together and our family is perfect. What would readers think if they were a fly on my wall, seeing me at my worst? Would you read, or even want to know me if you saw the real me? If you saw me unfiltered?

As I was seeking God's guidance for what I should write about this year, he led me to the Fruit of the Spirit. It will be interspersed with other content. The Fruit of the Spirit will be one of the themes on Set Apart for More this year.

I was not surprised by this direction. I am looking forward to it in some ways and not in others.
I have been in that uncomfortable place of self-awareness. I am not as kind, loving, or gentle as I want to be. I want more of those good qualities. I want all of the fruit!!! I want more of God's characteristic traits to become my traits, to define and fill me. I want to be so full of the Fruit of the Spirit that they spill out of me onto others.

I have been struggling with who I am and who I want to be. The dichotomy between creating tension and dissatisfaction within me.

As I explore and wrestle with how I fall short, I will be tempted at times to hide my true self. I promise to fight that temptation.

I write with the goal of honouring my readers through authenticity and honesty. I will do my best to be true. I know that growth and the most powerful journeys of transformation happen when I am honest with myself and others. I ask of you, dear reader,  a willingness to extend grace to my weak and flawed soul.

Will you join me on this journey?

Get Your Dancing Shoes!

Get your dancing shoes boys!!!

Here's the thing...
I want to raise boys who will dance with their wives.
I want to give them the skills to be confident in such a setting and remove the hesitation that could keep them from standing up.
It is important to me.

We go to a few weddings every year. Usually all I see all night long is ladies dancing in a circle while their men sit at tables. I have to admit, I don't like it. I don't care if guys don't like it, it would be nice to see them step up for the girl they love.

So, I am going to do what I can to raise men who will dance with their wives!!

I need to keep a promise I made.

This Sunday we will return to dance lessons with a couple of dear friends, our sons and some lovely young women who have agreed to join us in their Gentlemen's Training.  Oh, it is going to be good times!!

We are so pleased to keep our word and share the love of dance with our children. Sydney, you will join us in Spring.

A tribute to Attila & Alison our ballroom dance instructors,
written close to his last days and read at the celebration of his life.
Attila passed away from cancer on August 5th, 2014. 

We think it is brilliant to hold a dance for all who have benefited from your instruction. Craig and I are so sorry not to be able to come on the 28th and share our love of dance together.  We would treasure sharing a dance one last time. We are sincerely disappointed to miss this opportunity to see you both again. Craig and I often talk about when dance classes will fit into our schedule again and when we will be able to dance regularly. 

When Attila and Craig would bump into one another around town, Attila would quickly ask "When are you coming back to dance?" You made us feel loved and missed! Please know we have always wanted to. Raising 3 kids who are heavily involved in sports & music makes it a challenge right now!

Dance gave us a chance to get out and invest in our relationship, we fondly remember our classes and how Attila would take Craig aside and say "I want you to dance like this with her!". Then Attila would sweep me across the dance floor. Always encouraging, always challenging us to be free in the movement. You made class time fun and we always anticipated it with enthusiasm. I will never again have the opportunity to dance the polka with a gentleman who can create that kind of centrifugal force and spin!! Attila, it was so much fun!! SO much fun!! 

Dance gave us the chance to feel like a gentleman and lady during child raising years that often left us tired and exhausted. It gave us an evening out for laughter, to hold each other, make memories and just be us. Husband and wife. 

When we would practice at home, the kids would watch us and then ask to dance with us. If our oldest son thought Craig was leading in a boring way he would interrupt and say "No Dad, like this!" He would then take me from Craig and spin me in constant turns around the floor. He was about 5 at the time. 

We have incorporated many parts of dance into our marriage. You taught us not to fight on the dance floor. This made us conscious of how we interacted on and off the dance floor. Be kind always! We learned to come mentally prepared to leave the frustrations and irritations of the week behind and just enjoy one another. I had to close my eyes and learn not to think, anticipate, or follow a weak lead. I got to enjoy calming my mind and letting go of my thoughts. I simply had to focus on the music, movement of the dance and being held by my husband. These were amazing lessons for me on and off the dance floor. I had to trust Craig to keep me safe on the dance floor and he has never failed to do so. 

Craig learned to lead with confidence, plan ahead and watch the flow of the floor, this helped him as he recovered from a bad concussion. He took the philosophy of keeping me safe on the dance floor and made it a priority to be a safe place and protector for me in our marriage. 

Dance helped us learn to treat one another as a gentleman and lady. Taught us to guard our relationship and put it first. So important!

We have often thought that we could hardly wait to study dance with you again. We feel great sadness at the loss of this opportunity and pleasure. We have many fond memories of studying dance with you and no one else will ever compare. We are sorry for the cards life has dealt you and know that you have fought hard and with courage. You have touched our lives and we cherish that!! You have been significant in our lives, thank you for sharing yourselves and your love of dance with us. We have been forever changed by you. You are in our thoughts and prayers. May you have strength, peace, and joy for the road ahead.

Again, thank you. Your passion for dance is a gift that will stay with us throughout our lives. We will seek to pass it on to our children as a living tribute to you both. 

Much Love,
Lisa & Craig

Help I'm a Mom: Oh Be Careful Little Eyes...

Has this happened to you?

You have scrambled through the week. Work, school, homework, sports, activities, etc. driving your schedule. You tumble into the weekend, and you are glad it is Friday night. Family night...

Did you think of something to do? No. Me either...
Without a plan, exhaustion quickly taking you down, the well of creativity dry, you settle for a movie night.

Great! What should we watch?

I don't have a clue!!

"So-and-so said their kids loved ___________(fill in the blank)"

Ok, let's try it!

Finally, everyone is seated, has their popcorn and Italian soda ready to go. You are finally relaxing and unwinding from your week; the show seems ok then...€£#%@&$#%#^

One of you is in a mad scramble for the remote, the other crying for everyone to close their ears and cover their eyes!!! Wait!! No!! Close your eyes and cover your ears!!!!  Your other half is still trying to shut off the movie. The adrenaline is pumping. The soundtrack to the show is still playing, and an image too scary for your little ones is still on the screen. While you are throwing blankets over their heads singing some kids song to decrease the amount of tension in the room

You are sure you have wrecked your kids, and you are wondering who on earth recommended this show to a family with kids 6 and under!!!

Then you are wondering what shows that you have recommended to families lately, and why would you ever trust yourself to do that in your sleep deprived, compromised memory state of being. What is the number of that Counsellor???

It is in these moments you wonder again, yes, this is not the first time, why the Good Lord ever trusted you to raise another human...let alone three other humans.

In a desperate attempt to redeem the evening you pull out Thomas the Tank Engine movies and build a track, pushing trains around, eating your popcorn.

What a night!

We learned quickly to be careful of recommended movies. It isn't that people mean to create chaos. At least I don't think they mean to. I think they honestly forget some of those parts. Maybe their kids are less sensitive, or they have a different philosophy of viewing than you. It could be your kids have wild imaginations that cause horrible nightmares. Their kids may not struggle with nightmares. Does it matter in the end?

We learned quickly to preview or read reviews.

Even for ourselves and now with our teenagers, we are selective with what we watch.

One of our favourite sites is Kids In Mind. Another is Plugged In.

These resources give great, concise reviews if you want to take the time to really research a show. Easy rating systems, help you make a judgment call quickly and safely in a pinch. Honestly, they have saved us from many viewing mishaps.

The bottom line is, you alone know what your child can handle. You alone know the values you hold as a family that directs what you choose to watch. You alone can make those decisions.

For our family, honouring The Lord even in a choice as simple as watching a movie is important.

There is a song we used to sing in Sunday School when I was a kid.

Oh be careful little eyes what you see,
Oh be careful little eyes what you see,
There's a Father up above, who is looking down in love,
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see.

As followers of Jesus, our relationship with Him impacts even these details of our lives.

 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others." 1 Corinthians 10:23-24

Is is beneficial?

Is it constructive?

Is it good for my kids?

These are the questions we ask to direct our own viewing and are hopefully teaching our kids to use for theirs!

Help I'm a Mom: Why We Love Teenagers

Teenagers...

What ideas, thoughts, memories, emotions does that age group hold for you?

They used to scare me.

Well, not groups of other people's teenagers. I always loved our youth work. I understood that we, as their leaders, saw their best side. Well usually. There were times where what we saw made me nervous.  I sometimes wondered what was happening that we weren't seeing. For the most part, we found them fun, inspiring and full of life.

I was;  however, scared about growing our own teenagers. I felt prepared for the younger years. I knew that as parents of teens, we would get the best and the worst of them. That was a little more than intimidating for me!! I knew the potential for those years to be a rough ride.

I know you have heard me say before that we are loving raising our teens. This summer it hit me again. For all the ups and downs - a house full of teenager's is one of this life's greatest gifts. There have been some wonderfully surprising delights in this stage of life.

Teenagers are really amazing.

Here are a few things we are enjoying:

1. Development of logic and intellect- it is fascinating to observe this grow and deepen.
2. The depth of conversation- with increased intelligence and logic, the discussions on world events, ethics, morality, faith, and so much more, is challenging and engaging.
3. Their perspective- fresh, new, developing, strong, creating tension within them. It's fun to watch them wrestle it out, for the most part!!
4. Thoughtfulness- they have incredible moments of selflessness.
5. Companionship-they are such great company!!
6. Challenge- they will call me on stuff that maybe I do not always want to be called on. It is humbling and makes me a better person. I am glad for it.
7. Skill Development- they are ready for bigger things.
8. Adventure- they are willing to try new things, being more aware of their abilities and the  possibilities
9. Watching them surpass us in certain areas. They are truly remarkable, spunky individuals.
10. Witty humor and banter!! There are no words. Love this part!!! They keep us laughing, they are so very clever!!

Now do not mistake this to mean our lives are conflict free. do not think that every day at our house is deep intellectual discussions, wild laughter, peace and joy falling from the sky.

There are challenges. Some big ones. Yes, even in a ministry families home, shocking I know!! 😉

I have learned that focusing on what we love about this stage goes a long way to enjoying it more. There is so much good!

I have learned it is important to seek to understand where they are coming from rather than assume I know. I do not always remember to do this. I know them pretty well, sometimes I forget the rate at which they are growing and changing intellectually.

Knowing that we believe the best about them is a huge deal. We put some hard work into raising respectful, honest, hardworking good people. I need to let them know I believe they are doing their best to be those things. Knowing that we do believe the best about them gives them confidence. It assures them that we are on their side even when we do disagree or need to correct them.

I am thankful every day for the privilege of raising these dear ones. They have made me a better person and taught me so much. It is going to be fun to see what choices and directions they pursue in the next few years. I am looking forward to more fantastic adventures!