What You See Is What You Get

We all know the age-old adage, "what you see is what you get". An apple is an apple, it doesn't transform into a steak because you are hungry for a steak. Or because you desperately hope it will become a steak. It is an apple. It won't change because you can see it's potential to be a steak.  It remains an apple. It is especially important to pay attention to this in dating.

One of the aspects of Craig's job that I love is the opportunity to connect with young adults. Often, they are running the gauntlet of the dating world. It can be an exciting but dangerous time.
We see many making wise, life-giving choices. We also see many walking a tightrope, risking more than just a broken heart. We try to love them. To watch them take these risks is one of the hardest parts of our line of work.

"What you see is what you get" is not how we start dating. We put our best foot forward. If we really like the person we subconsciously start to become what they are looking for. We may find ourselves going for long, romantic walks when on our own, we would never do that. If given a choice, that would not be how we would spend our time. It is important to be aware of this.

As time goes on, this best foot forward starts to fade and our real selves sneak out. This is when we need to be alert. This is when we need to guard ourselves against.

When dating, we need to look honestly at what is in front of us. If we want a partner for life who is active, we need to know they we living an active life before we met. Do I really like going for walks or am I just doing it because the one I love likes walks, will I still go for walks once we are married?

There are exceptions to this rule but they are few.  If you want a partner who loves God first, you need to see that they were and continue to actively prioritize God and practice the disciplines that lead to spiritual growth. This is an exception to the rule. Anyone who is actively seeking God is under the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. They are flexible and teachable. Those who spend time in the word and fight against their human nature do not stay the same. They grow in love, patience, humility, faithfulness and kindness. The evidence of this pursuit shows up in their behavior and choices. The fruit is demonstrated in their lives and as they consider you above themselves. This is one of the exceptions.

Time and time again I have seen people ignore the concerns that have arisen and ignored the wisdom of those who love them most. When marriage hasn't turned out as they hoped, they are confused. Their spouse has not become who they hoped they would become. They are lonely, disappointed and miserable.

If you find yourself caught in the cycle of remembering how they romanced you in the beginning or hoping that things will be different when you are married. You are lying to yourself.  You are at risk for talking yourself into a relationship you do not really want.  The issues cropping up while dating are always magnified in marriage.

What you see is what you are getting. Generally an apple is an apple.

If you are competing for their attention now, you  will compete when you are married. If they put their needs before yours now, they will when you get married. If they have a hot temper now, it will be there in marriage. Do not shove your concerns down. Do not talk yourself into believing it will get better. Do not talk yourself into hoping they will change.

This is who they are.

These are their priorities.

This will be your life.

What you see is what you get.

Is it what you want?

There are exceptions to this rule but they are few and people are good actors.  You need to be sure you are not just seeing what you want to see or being told what you want to hear. Look at their life, look at their behavior and choices. Seek the wisdom of those you trust and those who have made good decisions in this area.

How things are is how they will be...you need to be sure it is what you want.