Did He Just Say That!?!

Did he just say that!?! I cannot believe he just said that!

I am married to a Preacher. These thoughts run through my head when he speaks. It is times like these where being a 5'11" redhead works against me.  I am easy to spot and in a crowd!

Love my man, but whoa do I panic when he goes off script!

Or even when he is on script...

Well, any time he speaks really!

Oh, baby. My blood pressure rises just writing about it!

There are at least two reasons he chooses to have these honest sharing moments, and while I agree with him in theory, I don't always remember that at the moment.

There is a reason he does not share his manuscript with me before he talks. I think he likes the wide-eyed panic that contorts my face, which he conveniently gets a perfect view of from the stage.There is a brief moment before I compose myself because I know someone somewhere is going to turn to see my reaction. Always one to enjoy a joke, it is his version of fun.

I know Craig takes the responsibility of teaching very seriously,  I know he prays and carefully researches each time. I witness many of the hours of wrestling and preparation, and I trust his wisdom. I fully realize that these are my reactions to work out with God and 20+ years in, it is kind of a joke between us now. If something impacts the kids or myself, he is careful to ask our permission. It is an exercise in trust for me.

As I sit, anxiously wondering what people must think of him now, I have to rationally argue with myself.

1. This kind of raw honesty helps people remember we are human too. We struggle with the same things they struggle with. It is good for people to know this and realize we live on the same earth, we are all in this together!

Where I struggle with this is that my husband is a very self-controlled man and while he is not perfect, I don't want people to think badly of him.

2.   Some people struggle with putting their church leaders on a pedestal. No one is more aware than us that we do not belong up there. This bare honesty is Craig's way of jumping off that pedestal. He regularly shares as a way of helping our church family from being tempted to put him back up there!

Just because my husband works at a church does not mean we are saintly, pure and sinless. We make mistakes, sin, confess and move on to renewal like everyone else. We do not have it all together, and it is good to let people into that. Right!?!

I worry people are going to judge him. Our church family is fantastic, don't get me wrong. But for some reason, that fear always rises up.

This is all going on in my head while he keeps right on track, preaching away! No wonder I need another coffee and some Tylenol right now!

If you have ever wondered what your preacher's wife might be thinking, it is probably some version of this!

Now, when is he on the preaching schedule again???

Suffering UGH!

If you live in this world, you are no doubt walking alongside people who are in the midst of suffering.

Maybe you are suffering.

I was a fairy tale girl. I would focus on the happy ending and fail to register the pain suffered beforehand. My Mother tried to prepare me that life is hard. I think she thought the truth would send her Fairytale girl for a loop.

From the time I was young the desire for God's Eternity was longed for and recognized in my heart. 
In ways I cannot wait for the other side where there will be
  no more pain, 
tears 
or suffering.

As I walk alongside others who are in the grip of pain. My soul cries out for the promises of 
Eternity,
yet also for wisdom in how to encourage and support

those I walk with as they face their challenges.

As I was doing some reading the other day I came across an update from the band Big Daddy Weave. Their vocalist/bassist Jason Weaver had a double amputation of his feet last year. He was unable to fight an infection due to a compromised immune system.

This quote from Mike Weaver, frontman of Big Daddy Weave and big brother of Jason impacted me:

(Jason's) faith remains unshaken. "It doesn't mean God doesn't love Jason because he's going through this. Jesus said in this life we will have trouble and do not be afraid because He has overcome the world," Mike said 

The frontman of Big Daddy Weave then expounded his Christian beliefs. "There is something about the stuff that we go through in this life and this season that once we step out of this season and into eternity, we no longer have that to respond to anymore. We respond to the garbage and the difficulty in this life in front of Jesus, so we can carry on to Heaven with us an offering to God that can never be made once we are in Heaven.

"That's why we give money while we are here because what are you going to do – when you get to Heaven, the streets are made of gold; money is not valuable anymore. There's no pain in Heaven, so we want to learn how to respond well to that stuff in this life, so we go through it with Jesus. And I'm so proud of my brother because he's doing that right now," he said.

Amazing! 

So many truths here, where to start?!

Suffering does not mean we are unloved. If fact Scripture tells us the opposite.

We should not be surprised. Jesus warned us. Yet so often we are still surprised. The question isn't why. Everyone suffers. If we are asking "why", we are asking the wrong Question. 

The real question is "How?" 

How do we endure suffering?

"once we step out of this season and into eternity, we no longer have the to respond to suffering anymore."

This gift of suffering well, is a gift I can give God only on the earth side of life. 

I hear you, "Gift of suffering? What is she talking about?!?"

It is a gift, suffering tests our faith, builds patient endurance, matures us. 

It is one of the ways we are called to identify with Christ.

This is a beautiful perspective.

"we can carry on to Heaven with us an offering to God that can never be made once we are in Heaven"

Do you resonate with that on some level?

That sentence does something to me, deep down in my soul. At my core.

This is not my instinctive view of trials.

I want it to be.

So badly. 

I want to be able to suffer without railing against it, without being tempted to fall into a pity party. I want to go through it with patient endurance, never losing hope, Christ suffered worse than anything this world can throw at me. Suffering well is a gift I can give him this side of Heaven, He will never require it of me again. Once I see Him face to face, I will never have the chance to make this kind of offering again. He is worth it. Eternity is worth it. 

"we want to learn how to respond well to that stuff in this life, so we go through it with Jesus."

Yes! This is what I want.

He suffered for me, am I willing to suffer for Him?

Have you given up on Church? (Part 2)

Last week I wrote about giving up on the church. I don't know how you responded to that unless of course you reached out and shared with me. I love when you do that!! Keep doing that!

You might be thinking:

What if I don't want to find my way home? It doesn't feel like home, it never will.

I want a new home!

I can't get over what happened, people of God shouldn't do what thy did.

I get it. I am personally close to those feelings. I have said those words and know the pain. My soul still bears the scars.

Hang in there with me.

What if I don't want to find my way home?

I didn't want to either. We relate to God in the most intimate place of our soul. The pain we receive from careless words, actions or intentional attacks from our brothers and sisters in Christ, reach down to that intimate place. The natural reaction is to recoil, build defenses and protect ourselves. In our most human moments, we may have retaliated.

Have you ever had a child yell "I hate you!" Or had a sibling say "I wish you weren't my sister!"

You knew they didn't mean it, it just reflected the pain and damage the relationship had suffered.

Not wanting to find your way home indicates the depth of disappointment, hurt or disillusionment you have endured.

Consider meeting with someone who is honest about their pain and humanity. Choose carefully, someone who displays compassion, sympathy, loving kindness. Someone you can trust and explore what has happened with.

Find a safe area of the churches ministry, a place where you can go to receive and eventually give to.

I found my way back through listening tot he Holy Spirit. He led me to our morning Women's Bible study. I could observe and slowly test the waters. I saw rawness, openness, and gentleness in them. God used these beautiful women to help me find my way back.

A year ago our son said, "I need God, but I don't need his people." Sometimes Pastor's kids see more than they should ever have to. I think it is why they often rebel, act out, guard themselves fiercely in a church family.  Just last week he told me "I don't like Sunday sports practices, I miss meeting at church." He was saying in his way, I miss my family!

We watched God gently woo him back, through friendships that morphed into family around our table. Through a small Discipleship group that he was eventually willing to join and through his interest and gifting in music. God slowly drew him back without him even realizing it.

Press into the Spirit, he will guide you safely.

I want a new home.

So did I.

I didn't know who was for me or against me. I was terrified and struggled with migraines most Sundays. I had never had migraines and haven't since.

I tried coming in late and slipping away early. I am sure my body language communicated "approach with caution."  I felt vulnerable and ready to run. I was so exhausted after that I would sleep for hours.

What if it is time to find a new home?

I think this needs to be handled prayerfully, hopefully with others you can trust. If there is damage that is severe enough that you can no longer agree with the direction and values of the church. Or if you no longer trust or feel safe with the character of leadership. It is time to consider what God might have for you. If people who you respect and fee safe with can affirm the choice to find a new church family, leaving is appropriate. This should be hard. It should feel like you are cutting off a limb. Some people jump around and are very careless about their attachment to a church body. This is not what God has called us to live like. It is a brotherhood. When one leaves, there should be pain. If there is not, it might be worth exploring why. If it hurts, take time to grieve. Heal. Take time to fairly evaluate your side, theirs. If there is amends to be made? You can't control the outcome, but you can do your part. Consider meeting with leadership who you trust to share where you are at, what you are doing and bless one another on your way.

I can't get over what happened, people of God shouldn't do what they did.

I do what I shouldn't all the time. Thankfully the Apostle Paul shared that he did too.

This comes down to expectations. Mainly we feel "they" should know better. If I am honest, I still fall and do things even when I know better.

People make mistakes.

This reason for turning away from the church is based on expectations.

Expectations are a pain, they can mess everything up. Expectations are dangerous. We need to be honest about what we expect. We need to recognize that we need to release that and give people the freedom to be who they are and where they are at. In honesty,

I cannot say that they should know better. I am not aware of the details of their story. If I am doing things I wish I wouldn't, I can't really be surprised when others do too.

My job is to accept where they are, be tenderhearted toward them. If they confess, I need to be ready to forgive. If they do not confess, I have to release it to the Righteous and Fair Judge to deal with in his time and in his way. The grace and mercy I want for myself, I need to desire for them.

If you do not want to come back to church, please consider exploring the reasons together with someone who loves the church, someone who has a different perspective. Try to avoid the human tendency to surround yourself with people and ideas that confirm your position. While that approach is comfortable, it does not necessarily stretch annd grow you in the way that is needed.