What??? She's Blogging???

I get reflective during the time between Christmas and New Years. I know, I am so cliché.   Actually my husband preached this morning on a similar topic as to what I have been mulling over, yes, we are that in sync, weird!! I don't preview his sermons and with everything going on during this Christmas week, we didn't even have a chance to talk about what he felt he needed to share at church. So really, it was just a little crazy.

I have been thinking about all that has happened this year. Trying to focus on what has been influential in my life. It has been a challening year.  2014 is not a hard one to say farewell to for many reasons. Too many to get into actually. It felt like every time we turned around we were getting hit with something else.  A year of testing, endurance and steadfastness. We are standing with grateful hearts because of the tender love of our Saviour and his grace in our lives.

A few of my friends who know me best have been absolutely shocked that I have started a blog.  They have told me how amazed they are that I have done it, they recognize how much courage it takes. They know for anyone to be vulnerable in that way is such a great risk. Close friends recognize this as odd because they know I was slow to cultivate friendship when I moved to town again. I was slow to trust.  I took my time and picked very carefully who I would share myself with. I chose well, I have amazing faithful friends who have been life giving to me. Friends whose loyalty, character and input to my life has made everything that is hard about living where I live, worth it. Vulnerability isn't something that comes easily to me, they have watched as I have learned to share at a deep personal level in a variety of settings over the years. They have been my encouragers, my safe place. Those who have known me the longest, know that something made me do this and it most likely wasn't my idea.

Starting this blog was a step of obedience.  As I was thinking about this year, a book that I picked up really stood out. John Ortberg's Soul Keeping.  It was from my devotional reading and picking up this book that God started to nudge me and tell me it was time to give him more of me.  Two quotes that really stood out were "If your soul is healthy, no external circumstance can destroy your life. If your soul is unhealthy, no external circumstance can redeem your life."  The second was "What matters is not the accomplishments you achieve: what matters is the person you become."

I have seen these statements proven true in my life.

A number of years back I was in a situation that wounded me deeply. I was scarred and from that pain. Anger, unforgiveness, cynicism and distrust were threatening to take root in my heart. I was aware that hurting people, hurt people. I didn't want that cycle to start in my life.  I was desperate to avoid it and determined to do what I had to in order to heal and not become trapped in dysfunctional behaviour.  The only problem was, I was clueless about what I needed to do.  As I prayed about it and shared my burden with God, asking him for direction and answers, God led me to a Spiritual Director.  And being the God who made me and knows me best, he connected me to just the right one. She is a Nun. Gentle, sweet, kind, unassuming. And patient, so very patient.  Crazy patient!! She really has to be with me. My young adult small group girls called her my "Soul Sister".

I finally got up enough courage to go meet her and interview her.  I pelted her with questions, and she gave me good answers. At the end, I was ready to leave and she simply requested, "Can I ask you a question now?".  I was hesitant but nodded that she could. She asked me why I was seeking Spiritual Direction. I answered simply, she gently probed and very quickly, we were in deep places.  It was the start of a beautiful friendship. I shared my story, fears and determination with her. She asked me to start applying a new discipline to my life.

She wanted me to learn to start my day quietly in the presence of God. My job was to enjoy His presence, breath and quiet my mind.  I know none of you have had the unique privilege of being privy to my minds workings, and in my heart, I know you are glad. It took about 8 months of daily practice for me to be able to sit quietly in the presence of God, not having my mind wander off on a trail of thought and end up running aimlessly. It took so much work to come before Him with things I needed His insight to and not offer ideas and solutions of my own.

All of a sudden one day, I realized that the things I was worried were going to entangle me had been removed from my life. God had removed them. He had brought healing and wholeness to those wounds. Scars remained, but I was no longer at risk of  becoming part of the cycle of hurting people. There are times those hurts rise up and I need to forgive again, but they no longer drive me. I have healed to the point that I can rule over them.

The practice of being quiet before Him has become a core, life giving discipline. It is one of many that has kept me from being taken down by our external circumstances this year.

As I read the book "Soul Keeping" this year, it challenged me in many ways. It covered areas that I have learned the value of, yet it went deeper in some aspects and also covered new ground.  I can only take one or two things and apply them, then I have to circle back and pick up more. I want to read this book again in January so I can apply more to my life. There is more I need to learn, more I need to implement.

One of the ways I was being challenged was how the distractions of this life were trapping me into wasting my time.  Pintrest, Facebook, Netflix were all trying to sneak in, threatening to draw me away from what is really important.  I have, at times, lost the battle and allowed them to have more time than they deserve.  The second quote really stuck my soul deeply. "What matters is not the accomplishments you achieve: what matters is the person you become." Often these distractions keep me from even accomplishing anything let alone directing who I become in positive ways.  These are all good things, I am not saying I cannot spend time on them. I just know that at this space in life, God is asking me to steward my time more carefully. I know I need to spend more time on the things of God.  Time in His presence changes the unlovely parts of me. When I am with him, he reshapes me. When I spend time in His presence, God has more time to work on shaping me into the best version of myself.  My soul knows it is called to more.

This is why He called me to blog. Blogging is one of the ways He wants to accomplish this supernatural work in my life.  To blog, I have to carve out time to reflect, I have to be reading my bible and other books and articles that are worth while reading. I need to make room for the things that challenge me and call me deep.

The name of my blog comes partly from my name, and partly from what I have just expressed.  My name is a form of Elizabeth, meaning: Set Apart for God.  I was one of many Lisa's growing up, I thought my name was boring. As a little girl, once I figured out what it meant, I loved it. It resonated to the core of my being even as a child. I was set apart for Him. There was more for me. More than this world can offer.

Who I become matters a lot to me. Choosing to follow where God is taking me is important. Starting this blog and putting my personal reflections out there has been frightening. It has been a deliberate act of obedience.  It is my way of committing to continue to fight my human nature. It is my way of partnering with God and allowing Him to shape who I become.

I am overwhelming when people say they take the time to read my blog. The fact that people take time to read my thoughts on this is completely astounding.  Your encouragement and comment have meant more to me than words can say. Even if where you are coming from is different. I really appreciate it. Thank you!  I know some posts will fall flat while others will connect.  I am thankful for those who want to join me on this journey.  It is going to be interesting!

Home for Christmas!

This was the first Christmas in a number of years that my sister and her family were here to celebrate with us.  It was fantastic!!

None of us travel by road during this season because of previous experiences.  The road conditions, drivers and weather are all better when we are not travelling at this time of year.  It is Murphy's Law for our families and as a result we all stay home.You are very welcome!

They flew into town just in time for dinner on Christmas day. It was a busy, loud, delicious meal made tastier because of the company.  I love my family!!

It still makes me laugh.  There is just the two of us, my sister and I.  Between our two families, there are five grand kids.  Currently they are 17, 17, 15, 15 & 14 years old.  Four of them boys, four, not yet fully grown, adult sized man children. Way to rock my parents quiet world!  They are absolutely wonderful and overwhelming with their humour, energy, and sound.  They are all still under the influence of their developing minds, any of you with teenage boys know the implications of this.

They are unaware of the potential consequences of their actions.
They are often clueless of the impact of their behaviour on others.
They are rowdy.
They are loud. (easier to tolerate without a headache)
Direction is seen as more of a suggestion.
Listening is viewed as optional.

Sometimes that is because the request/instruction has not yet been fully computed by the time the behaviour has begun.  Once understood, the behaviour can no longer be avoided and that look of understanding dawns as the result is now fully out of their control. Hilarious!!

Caught in the middle of all of this, is the oldest grandchild. A girl, who is aware of all these things and their implications.  She has never tried to reign them in, she usually joins in, active and high spirited like the rest of them. Often, she is highly amused by them and loves it all. Though, there are times she observes wide eyed, wondering what is going to happen.

In short, when we are all together, life is a riot.

Yesterday as we were enjoying one another's company an old photo album was pulled out. Pictures of them from when they were little. Towheaded toddlers. Curly, brown haired, mischief in the making. Playing cars, lots of cars.

Exploring.
Curious.
Busy.
Adorable.

So many good memories of times spent together, times like this Christmas.

We were so blessed my sister and I, we are best friends and we married best friends. There was just this feeling of immediate family. We all like doing the same stuff. There was history. It was easy.  Not perfect, nothing is perfect this side of heaven. But it is really, really good.  As good as it gets I think. The bottom line is, we love each other and desire the best for each other.  We are a family of faith, diversity and personality.

It is hard that we are so far from one another, but that makes these times together all the more special. Moments we can grab that build us stronger and closer are treasured.

My sister and her husband are already home, they were here for 28 hours.  It was short, too short, but sweet.  We are looking forward to next time. My nephews are here for a few more days. Our hearts are full of thanks that we had this time together.  It felt more like Christmas. We enjoyed one another's company. We played games, took ourselves and the dogs for a big long walk, watched the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. It was good!!

Right now, in my small comfortable home, there are 5 almost full grown kids. We are loving the sound of their laughter, banter and their enjoyment of one another.  Their laughter makes us laugh.  Their wit is getting more complicated and savvy all the time. I love how their minds are developing.  I love that they love to be together.  It is fun to see who they are becoming, what their gifts & interests are. We are getting ready to go sledding. More memories that will bring us together.

It was, by far, the best Christmas gift this year. It was so great to be together!!

My Favourite Christmas Song

 My husbands job sometimes gives us the privilege of walking through the ups and downs of life with people. 

We get to celebrate as people welcome their children into the world.  We are invited to be a part of weddings & special anniversaries.  I love it when people share the joys of their lives with us.  It is beautiful to get to be a part of the journey.  What a privilege, we are so grateful for this.

We are also sometimes invited into the harder moments life brings.  Struggles with illness, pain, hurt. To be invited into those places of life is humbling.  To be allowed to walk alongside someone as they process pain.  To be trusted enough to have one share the hardship suffered and the scars it has left. That is a profound privilege.  I am honestly speechless each time it happens.

We have had the great joy of working at this church for many years.  We came young, wet behind the ears, flawed yet eager.   This family has been gracious, they have loved us through good and bad. They have blessed us. They have shown us great forgiveness, love and acceptance, grace for our faults and encouragement in our strengths.  They have allowed us to grow and change. They have made our service here a joy.  We are so grateful and fortunate. We are overwhelmed by it really, so few have the pleasure of serving so long in one place. We have history together, they are family.  We love them dearly. 

Some are expecting wondrous things this Christmas season.  The birth of a first child.  Their first Christmas being parents.  The start of a new job that brings joy, new challenges and opportunities. In these situations it is easier to have a heart of thanks, to believe in the goodness of God.  To appreciate the blessings is still a discipline.  I pray for the joy of a grateful heart for each. That they would echo the verses in Isaiah 63:7 "I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord, the deeds for which he is to be praised, according to all the Lord has done for us—yes, the many good things he has done."

For some, Christmas won't be wondrous. Some in our family are struggling with health, some will go through their first Christmas without a loved one. Some face the challenge of finding lost loved ones. Heart breaking pain.  Difficult struggles. Hard roads with unknown endings, journeys with no easy answers.  

In our last Advent service Psalm 34:18 was shared. It says "The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  This is my prayer for those who find themselves in difficult times this season, that they would experience the God who is close, the God who saves, the God who alone knows the depth of their pain and the challenges of their circumstances. 

Every Christmas my favourite song remains, "How Many Kings". It is written and preformed by a Canadian group, Downhere.  It expresses the heart of Christmas for me, especially when Christmas isn't all shiny and pretty and full of good things. For me, this songs says it all. 

 How Many Kings

Follow the star to a place unexpected

Would you believe, after all we've projected,

A child in a manger?

Lowly and small, the weakest of all

Unlikeliest hero, wrapped in his mother's shawl -

Just a child -

Is this who we've waited for? 'cause...

How many kings step down from their thrones?

How many lords have abandoned their homes?

How many greats have become the least for me?

And how many gods have poured out their hearts

To romance a world that is torn all apart

How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn Savior

All that we have, whether costly or meek

Because we believe.

Gold for his honour, and frankincense for his pleasure

And myrrh for the cross he will suffer

Do you believe?

Is this who we've waited for?

How many kings step down from their thrones?

How many lords have abandoned their homes?

How many greats have become the least for me?

And how many gods have poured out their hearts

To romance a world that is torn all apart

How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Only one did that for me

All for me...

All for you..

I wish you all a blessed Christmas, no matter what your circumstances.

Immanuel, God with us

As I sit curled up on my chair in the soft glow of the lit Christmas tree. My eye's settle on the Nativity that is set up at the base.  They linger on the Christ Child, wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in the manger.


Prophesied in Isaiah 7:14, 700 years before his birth, it was written, a promise,  "Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel."  

Immanuel. 

I sometimes struggle to remember the fullness of this promise during the rush of Christmas.

Immanuel: "God is with us" 

 עִמָּ֫נוּאֵ֫ל Immanuel 

My mind wanders to my much loved Uncle who is in hospital, his health is critical. I want full healing for him. I pray for my cousins who are with him, undoubtedly weary and deeply concerned. 

This Christmas isn't going to be a typical Christmas for them.  

I am asking God for healing, I am certain my Uncle, strong, wilful and determined is putting his energy into overcoming.  I am asking that the promise, "God with us", will overwhelm them with comfort and strength in the midst of this struggle.

Then I think of our visit with a dear family here in town yesterday.  Again, a much loved husband, father, grandfather.  He too is in critical condition.  He is strong, wilful and determined, putting all he has into overcoming.  

My husband and I had the pleasure of sharing coffee, visiting, laughing, story telling, & praying together with them.  Raw moments of emotion would well up as the seriousness of the situation would unveil itself, yet it would swiftly be swept away by joy and hope.  

This family is experiencing the promise "God with us" in the midst of their struggle and it is beautiful. They are leaning on the promise, strength and love of God. He is with them in this and because of that there is a steadfastness, peace and joy that shines bright.

To hear this wonderful man say "I have a lot to live for, but if I go that's good too." was amazing.

He then went on to express in his colourful, lively way the reason for his confident, fearless stance.

His Saviour 

Jesus

The Christ Child

Immanuel 

God with us came to earth, and conquered death to give us life.

This dearly loved man is echoing the words of Paul in Phillipians 1:21  "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain."

I cannot adequately express the power and glory of this. 

Here a man who loves his family fiercely, expressing that his honest hearts desire is to be with them for a while longer. We all feel he is too young to go. Yet with confidence and joy, he says "Either way, I'm good." It is really something to witness and behold and I see it in his wife and daughters eyes.  The same confidence and joy.  

This is the reality of a family grounded in the promise "God with us"

Their Christmas isn't going to be typical. They are grabbing everything it will offer them. Especially, the promise that God is with them.  They have hope and a future.

This reaches my soul to a depth that draws me back to why we celebrate the birth of Immanuel.

10 Things I Learned as a Young Mom

I was at the store the other day, as I turned down one aisle there was a Mom with a little girl skipping and singing, she was adorable.  Then as I made the corner, there was a young Mom doing the mad dash to exit the building. In her arms, awkwardly contained, was a toddler in full melt down mode.  The sound hadn't hit me yet as the little red faced peanut was sucking in air as quickly as she could. Just as they passed me she wailed out her protest.  This Mom looked completely frazzled and my heart went out to her as I thought to myself, "These two images are the best snapshot of Motherhood ever!"

As Mom's, we love our babes, no question. Every expression they make causes us wondrous delight. We love their chubby little fingers, and cute feet. Our hearts melt when they first smile at us and then explode when they say "ma" for the first time. It doesn't have to be a full "mama", we claim "ma" as our identity and we are exhilarated that they look at us and say it. We are proud when they roll over, crawl and the walk. We celebrate these milestones with unconstrained joy.

But what about the moments in between.

The less than lovely moments.

When my best friend sees a young  "Mom to be", she sometimes has to restrain herself from running up to her shouting out warnings. Expectant Mom's look blissfully happy. Naive really. Clueless that when that baby comes out there will be a day when it throws up everywhere. Yes, everywhere. There will be nothing in the near vicinity that is vomit free, including her. That expectant Mom and her husband will be the ones cleaning it up. They have no idea that this disaster is in their future. My friend feels the deep need to warn them about what is coming down the pipe. Thank goodness she holds herself back. I mean, really, it is just not fair to unleash all of that on an unsuspecting, poor, hormonal soul.

That  "Mom to be" probably wouldn't believe it all anyway, and lets face it, there is no turning back. Perhaps ignorance is for the best.

The sleepless nights, the teething, the horrendous amounts of diapers. The inability to know for sure what they need, trying everything you know and being no further ahead.  

It is exhausting. 

Having no memory of what it is to feel rested. 

Having no memory. 

Having lost all hope that you ever may know the beauty of a full nights sleep again. My husband and I would sometimes see who could outlast the other before crawling out of bed to sooth the wailing babe.

Then there are the choices. You know, the ones that lead to possible judgement. Do I let my baby have a soother or not.  Are we going to make them cry it out to sleep or not. When are we going to introduce food and which food will we start with? Do they get sugar? Ever?  No matter what you do, people have an opinion and have no trouble letting you know what it is.  You constantly second guess yourself and feel judged by those who are doing it differently.  Often, there is so much information that, once you have read it all, you can't remember what you thought was the right thing to do and now you have no idea what to do!

Lets not forget the shrinking of your world.  Suddenly laundry, cleaning up on, under and around the table, sleep/ nap schedules rule your days.  You are washing the floor for the fourth time that day and you cannot remember the last time you talked to an adult about adult things.

The worst part is, when you finally have 2 minutes to sit down, you scroll through Facebook and everyone is saying how lovely their day was and how there is nothing better than being a Mom. They post all the beautiful parts of Motherhood and you end up wondering why it is so hard for you. You wonder if there is something wrong with you or the way you are doing things.  You wonder if you are the only one stuck in the muck of life.  Exhausted, frustrated and feeling like the idea of Motherhood was way better than the reality.

I am sorry if I have mislead you with Facebook posts.  Here is a little dose of Reimer reality.

On our daughter's first night decorating for Christmas she got tangled in the garland & broke countless glass ornaments. While I was cleaning up the ornaments, Craig was struggling with putting the lights on the tree. Our sweet girl started sorting through the garbage can in our bedroom. While I was cleaning the garbage, she sat in the bathroom painting herself with Penatin cream. That stuff really does create an impressive barrier! By the end of that evening, Craig and I were thoroughly exhausted, finished, done. On her first birthday she threw an entire 5lb bucket of flour around my kitchen and I was so distracted by her, I baked 3 cakes before one came out right.

On his first birthday, our first born son decided to play "catch me if you can". He went flying down the stairs and got the most magnificent black eye in the history of black eyes. I couldn't bear to take a picture of it in it's full glory, this is just as it is starting. His 2nd birthday was spent in ER getting his eyebrow glued together. Four hours in ER with a two year old who had been running since he was 8 months old. Fun!

Our second born son was a summer baby and for his first birthday, we spent the day at the lake where there were extra adults. In all honesty, he probably fell off the dock and needed saving, in order to sooth my conscious, I have repressed the memory. Shortly after his first birthday, he was also sporting an impressive black eye.

In fact all of my kids had black eye's right before a set of immunizations, I thought for sure the authorities were keeping a close eye on us as a family.

Do you need wisdom on potty training? I have none. All three accomplished this milestone differently and I am not sure I was a significant part of the process. Really, I am convinced I have no knowledge or skill in this area of parenting. None!!

There was a point when we thought we were successful just keeping them alive until they were 5!! When we reached that goal we aimed for 13. Now we have hopes of getting them all the way to adult hood. We covet any prayers you can send our way. Seriously. Ask my husband.

Here is what I have learned.


1. Ask for help.

It does take a village to raise a child.  Find your village and ask for help.  Do not think you have to be super parents.  Someone is very eager to rock a baby while you have a shower so that you don't have to smell like sour milk all day.

2. Be realistic.

You can't be the perfect parent no matter how badly you want to be. sorry, but there it is!  Do the best you can, if you don't like how you are handling something, keep filling your tool belt of parenting skills and keep trying.

Your house will be messy, things will not get done. Your house will not look like the cover of House & Home once kids happen. That is OK! Go play peek-a-boo, sing songs and read stories.

3. Trust your instincts.

You know what you can handle as a family and what is best for your child. Stick to it if it is working and don't feel the need to explain yourself to others.

4. Everyone has bad days.

You are not alone, find some friends you can trust and be honest with. The women who I raised my babies with know things about me no one else knows except my husband.  They have seen me at my best and at my worst. They have loved me anyway and prayed for my kids and for me. They are sisters and our history is a tight bond.

5. You are not alone.

There have been times when I have been in desperate need of an appropriate consequence by the time I turned around from the kitchen sink.  God always gave me something.  Once I found this verse, I clung to it!! He will not leave you hanging when you need direction and guidance.

Isaiah 40:11

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

6. Protect your marriage.

If the little ones have gone down well and the night is looking peaceful, pull out a special drink, light some candles, change out of your drooled on clothing into something nice and be together.  Don't turn on the TV until you have had some grown up conversation, a stroll down memory lane remembering your dating years, what attracted you to each other. Reconnect.  Your spouse is the one who is going to be there long after the kids are gone. Don't forget to take care of your relationship, carve out special moments together.

7. Don't forget your husband.

I know you are tired, you have been clung to, climbed on, spit up on, and you feel like there is nothing left of you.  You wish someone would care for you.  You made a promise. He needs you. He needs to feel like he still makes your heart flip flop. He needs to look forward to coming through that door at the end of his work day.

Did I do this well? No. A lot of the time I was so overwhelmed by the time he came home, I think he was scared to open the door for fear I might run for the hills for a fort night.  I wish I had done this better. I wish I would have more regularly taken 10 minutes to "freshen up" meet him with an enthusiastic hug and kiss and held off on the "you wouldn't believe what I had to deal with today". Not every day has to be like that, but I wish I would have given him more like that. The only reason we survived those years is because he is the most selfless person I know. 

8. Make plans.

It was easy to hermit but, I knew it wasn't good for me. It is amazing what a walk will do, even if it is only for 10 minutes.  Some how getting outside was a major accomplishment.  It made everything so much better. Once I felt like I was on top of things a little more, getting together with friends was really important.  It can be overwhelming to have people over, meet somewhere you are comfortable taking the kids.

9. Sometimes, you need to put the books down.

For a period of time I stopped reading everything that had to do with parenting and children. I felt like the magazines and books talked about every other child but mine. All the wisdom and advice they offered on certain topics worked for everyone but me.  I don't know whose kids they were talking about, but clearly, they had not met my child.  So I avoided all written wisdom for a while. 

10. Figure out where God fits in your day.

I needed connection with God.  I wasn't a good wife or Mom without it.  You cannot continue to care and give to others if you are not filling up.  There has to be something that is life-giving each day.  The quality of what goes in, impacts the quality of what goes out.  It might be worship music.  For a month when my third child was born, it was one verse that I repeated through the day, I had it sitting by the rocking chair where I nursed him.  It was all my brain could take in. For a month!

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence was the book that transformed those years of raising little ones.  I read it with my first and all of a sudden getting under the table to wipe the floor was no longer a meaningless task. I learned how the routine of life could offer me quiet in the presence of my Lord.  Tasks that had become draining became sought after moments, moments that poured life into my spirit and gave a deeper meaning to the repetitive daily tasks of cleaning, laundry and meal prep.

When your soul is longing for more in those mundane moments of life, it is because there is more. A lot more.  God can turn this time of life, when you are struggling just to survive until those sweet faces are safely asleep each night, into an incredible time of nurturing for your soul.

That is what I have learned. 

And, if you are a Mom making a break for the exit of a large populated store with a wailing child in your arms, relax. The majority of witnesses are thinking "Poor Mom, I pray her day gets better!".





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A Love Letter

We celebrate my husbands birthday today. Today is his day, maybe weekend. He gets to choose what we do and what we eat, where we go or don't go. That is our way of celebrating him. And he is worth celebrating!!

For me, our first time meeting was a month after my 19th birthday, the start of a school year at Bethany Bible Institute.  I was looking for BC friends and had completely sworn off men. I had not had many boyfriends, I just have a tender heart and was tired of the relationship roller-coaster

For Craig, the first time we met was 4 months before, when the choir I was part of, the Bethany Choral, sang at his church. We had hung out at Cultus Lake with the young adults and youth from his church. He was graduated and working in construction.  I guess I had grabbed a group of the choir members and brought them over to where he was with a bunch of his friends, we introduced ourselves and tried to engage them in what the group was doing.

I don't remember this. I remembered a very nice Monte Carlo burning out on the gravel in the church parking lot. Its driver, my husbands best friend, would become my brother in law and beloved Uncle to our kids.  I also remember staying with this amazing couple, I adored them. They were about the age of my own Grandparents. I felt so welcomed in their home, I remember feeling deeply moved by the power with which this man prayed and their devotion to one another. I also remember looking at the portraits that surrounded their piano, exclaiming "what a truly gorgeous family you have!".  These were the Grandparents of my future husband. I had no idea I would be in that family one day.

What initially drew me to Craig was, well lets be real, he was cute and built like an athlete.  Imagine my kids rolling their eyes and gagging :)  He was funny and really made me laugh. We loved doing the same things, water skiing, snow skiing, playing hard. No matter what equipment you threw at him, he would rock the sport. Except golf, he hates golf. I enjoyed his company and he was easy to be with and talk to. We became good friends quickly. If anything happened, I want to share it with him first!!

On a more serious note, another thing that attracted me to him was that he was always in the library. He was taking his studies very seriously but more than that he was always reading the Bible. He had a hunger for the word of God and was eating it up. He had come to Bible School to change the direction of his life and he was doing everything he could to do that. It didn't take long to put it together that I had stayed at his Grandparents house. I knew his spiritual heritage was strong and that was so attractive to me.  There was depth & strength in him.

I get to celebrate the man I love today. He is an amazing husband! He is still the first one I want to share things with and he treats me like a queen. I love the way he brings laughter and fun into our home. He is gentle, kind, gracious. He is so flexible and can just go with the flow.  He shows interest in what I do. He is strong, determined, and so skilled at many things. He accomplishes what he sets out to accomplish and has worked to turn weaknesses into his biggest strengths. I am never in doubt of his love. I am completely sure of his devotion. He is my biggest encourager and helps me be the best version of myself I can be.

He lets me process verbally. He listens even though I know there have been times, right in the middle of the day, he wishes I would just spontaneously fall into a deep sleep because it seems like I just keep going on and on forever. He never looks at me or says anything to make me feel this way, I just know because I know him so well. I love him for putting up with me.

He is the most well rounded handyman, from fixing the car, to building a porch to plumbing in a bathroom, to wiring lights.  He and a friend are having fun cutting down the biggest tree in our yard right now.  It is completely rotted and I am sad to see it go, but I would never deny him this fun!

He is always up for an adventure, whether we ski, snow shoe, sled. I love that he will jump in and play hard with the kids and I.

He is an amazing father, our kids know how much he loves them. He knows when to be stern and when to have fun. He plays with them and listens to them.  He show interest in what they are interested in. Our kids have never felt the need to compete with the demands of his work.  He guides them spiritually and is a sounding board for life's decisions.  He gives them his time and attention.

I am honoured to do life with this man.

I am so thankful for the chance to celebrate him.

The Hard Road

One of our children has struggled with a chronic illness since they were very young. I know many families face the pain of watching a child suffer, many kids are sick. I wish it wasn't so. Each story is different with its own unique pain, rhythm and struggle.  

Forgive me for not being specific, in order to honour my child because it is their journey, I am choosing to keep the details veiled. I have not yet experienced anything worse than watching my child suffer. Nothing is worse than feeling helpless, knowing you are capable of offering nothing more than superficial comfort, a hug, an encouraging word and the promise that you will be with them through it. The struggle of pleading, prostrate before God for healing and release for this precious one.  Begging that it would be me and not them. That place of desperation and agony, when words fail and only groans and aching of the heart are left.  It has been a long, hard road.

Every so often life flows, and there is little evidence that something wrong. The illness is always there, it never fully goes away. But sometimes we almost feel free of it. It is hard to express what it is like when the illness flares. It throws our child down and threatens to knock us down with them. Words are inadequate to describe it. I cannot even try.

I have learned to be careful who I share with or tell. I am thankful for dear friends and family who have been through it with us from the beginning.  They have journeyed with us and witnessed our pain. They are a safe place to share our shattered hearts, they are God’s hands and feet to help bring healing to our souls.

I have learned to be careful who I invite into this journey. Who I share with or tell. At this stage because it is not really my story to tell. My child needs to decide who knows. Sharing with others has not always gone well. People don't mean to say thoughtless things. People assume that in times when everything looks good that the battle is over and doesn’t continue to pursue us or hang over our heads. People misunderstand, try to ease the pain by minimizing what our dear one suffers. If they are also in pain, they sometimes scoff at ours as though it is less than theirs. I know there are situations worse than ours, I know in ways we are blessed even in this. People do not mean to say hurtful things, or behave in hurtful ways. What our child goes through is not easy comprehend, just as the pain of others is not possible for me to know fully.

We all have wounds from this journey. Sore spots that cannot handle the unintentional pain of careless words.

I have wondered why God has chosen to allow our dear one to suffer. Why He has not chosen to bring healing.  I have struggled to understand why God has ordained that my precious babe should suffer and walk the hard road.

My instinct, like many parents, it to protect my young at all cost.  To keep our child from pain and our other children from having to bear witness to it. In my head, I know that challenges create character, depth and maturity.  I know that suffering is as much a part of this life as joy.  I know that the heights of happiness are only truly revealed when compared with the depths of sorrow. In the core of my soul, I know God brings beauty out of pain and that suffering is never wasted when we allow Him to be with us in it. I know all this. But all of this is not known to my heart when it involves watching my child in pain.  In my heart, it hurts to watch my young one suffer and I want to do anything to make it stop. If given the chance, I would find a way to keep my child from having to walk this hard road.

The season of Christmas always causes me to reflect. It helps.  I cannot celebrate the birth of Christ without looking at the long hard road ahead of that Christ Child, the road that leads to Easter.

You see, God isn't asking my child to do something he hasn't already done.

Jesus suffered, he knows my child's suffering. There is comfort for me in that.  

In coming to earth and becoming fully human, he knows the challenges of this life completely. In conquering death He gave those who believe in Him the promise of Eternity. Without Christmas, there wouldn't be Easter. Without Easter, there wouldn't be Eternity.  

My child's suffering will be finished, perfect wholeness will be theirs.  I am so thankful for Christmas.

God isn't asking me to do something He hasn't already done. There is comfort in that for me. He knows the road.

He knows the impact on our other children and the wounds it leaves in their hearts. He understands. He knows what to do if they let him into it with them.

God knows the pain our hearts feel as parents, we watch, unable to change the course of our journey. He has experienced it, worse in fact, He knows, it isn't ignored or forgotten.

He made a choice I am unable to comprehend, a choice I know I am not capable of making.  He sent His son to suffer in our place. I cannot begin to understand the pain of knowing I could change the direction of the hard road but knowing if I did, more would suffer.

He watched His only Son walk that hard road and didn't intervene. He didn't save His own child from trouble. He knew in the end, that what would come from it was worth it. God knew the only way to forgiveness, freedom and fullness was for His only Son to take the hard road of suffering.

Christmas helps because it reminds me that God knows, intimately, what my child is enduring. He knows how it breaks us. He is in it with us. He has already brought beauty from the suffering and will continue to. Suffering and pain isn't wasted in His hands. I can trust Him with my precious one ultimately because my child is His and His love for this little lamb is greater than my own.

He has set a hard road in front of my child and our family. But His loving kindness endures forever, His faithfulness is enough and His presence is promised if we want it.  

He knows what lies ahead and He will get us through. I know, because He has gone before and because of that, we can walk this hard road.

The Perfect Gift

For me, a difficult part of Christmas is the gift giving. There is nothing better than giving the perfect gift. To know someone so well that you can anticipate what they want before they even know they want it.  The sparkle in their eyes, the smile on their face when you have gone above and beyond and found the perfect gift.  It’s Magical!!!

Too bad I am terrible at it.  Every Christmas, I feel like at least one person I love is disappointed by my lack of insight. My inability to know them so well that I can surprise them with something that can astonish and delight them.  I desperately desire to find “The Gift.”  To know that I nailed it!  The look in their eye when I have failed to get it right is unmistakable. The smile when someone is trying to express appreciation for the thought, even though it has left them disappointed, is painful to behold.

Because I want to get it right, to get them “The Gift” that will be just the right thing, gift giving can become this task that is full of so much more

When I am looking for a gift for someone:

I want to give them something of myself. You know, when they open it that they might say something like “ Oh, only Lisa would get this for me!!”

I want my gift to convey my love to the one I am presenting it to.  When they open it, they might immediately think, “She really cares about me!!”

I want to show them, through the gift I give them, how much I esteem them.  That when they open their gift, their heart would know that I value them deeply, for who they really are.

I want them to know that I anticipated their need or desire before they even knew they wanted or needed it.  To think, ”This is essential, how have I lived without it??”

Often this becomes so overwhelming, that I abandon all hope and just want to get gift purchasing over with.

One of the surprising aspects of parenthood for me was the way the magic of Christmas was brought alive again. Having children around at Christmas was captivating. Their enchanting energy, wide-eyed wonder, and enthusiasm was so much fun!! Their curiosity and joy, amazing to behold. Our children infused so much unrestrained glee into Christmas that it increased our enjoyment of the season ten fold.

However, there is a point when the wonder and delight of Christmas leaves a child dissatisfied.  I remember the Christmas that this happened to my sweet girl.

We tend to keep Christmas simple. We had opened our stockings, we had read the Christmas story, had a delicious breakfast and taken our time unwrapping gifts.  The age is different for every child, but she was 11. She had clung to wonder as long as she possibly could.  She sat on the couch, looking over the chaos the morning has left.  I was curled up on a chair, slowly drinking my coffee, enjoying watching the boys assemble their little Lego stocking stuffers.  It has always been fun to watch them build. I looked over to see if she was enthralled with the books she had received and there it was, disappointment just barely recognizable in her big soulful eyes.  My heart recognized it immediately.  

I am glad I am so tall, I went over and pulled that sweet, lanky 11-year-old child onto my lap, held her and asked: “Has Christmas lost it’s magic?” Tears welled up in her eyes and one spilled over. I wiped it away and kissed her cheek.  Childhood was slipping away and the truth that this world offers us little that can keep us satisfied was taking hold of that precious heart.  She was growing up, and the cold hard realities of life were setting in.  

Part of me wanted to fix it, to find a way to reestablish the delight.  To make it like it used to be.  I ached to go back to the simplicity of childhood when is was easy to astonish her and see her eyes sparkle with wonder.  I realized that she was past it and there was no going back.  The worst part was that she longed to go back in time also and she knew she couldn't.  

I hugged her tighter “I remember the first Christmas I felt like this too.”  I said as another tear spilled over onto her cheek.  “It happens to all of us.  “I know” she replied with a sigh. Dear old soul.

I went on to tell her that life does this, earthly things always inevitably, fade.  Temporal things cannot satisfy.  This reality tells our hearts that we were made for something more.  This earth and the best it has to offer cannot fill the longings of our heart.  It was not made to.  These longings and dissatisfactions actually confirm that there is a perfect gift. If we are satisfied, full, there is no need for more. Emptiness indicates that there is more.

That is why Christmas is about the birth of Christ.  When we take the time to contemplate that truth, can we ever lose the wonder of it?  Can the wonder of “The Gift”  ever really fail to satisfy us?

Jesus identifies himself as the gift that satisfies in his conversation with the Samaritan woman.

John 4:7-13 says

7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.[a])

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Whoever drinks the water Christ gives them will never thirst. To not thirst is to be satisfied.

Jesus is the gift from God that will fully satisfy our hearts.  He is The Perfect Gift.

In sending Jesus, God gave us himself.  When we receive it, our hearts rejoice because only God could have given this gift to us.

John 14:9

Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?

In this Gift, God conveyed his deep love for us.  It communicates to a fullness like nothing else can that God really loves us! So much more deeply than we can comprehend.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

In sending Jesus, God made a way for us to be in relationship with Him, he esteemed us, he valued us enough to pursue us to this extent

1 John 3:1

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

He provided for needs we didn’t know we had, forgiveness for sin,

Isaiah 53:10

Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.

Through the gift of Jesus, God addresses a deep desire we didn’t know we longed for, God with us. When I understand the extent of this gift I know to the depth of my soul I realize this gift is essential, without Christ, I cannot fully live.

Hebrews 13:5

be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

What part of Jesus is “The Gift” that you need this Christmas. What will fully satisfy your heart?

Do you need the Lord of Peace? The one whose presence can chase away fear and doubt?

2 Thessalonians 3:16

16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.

Do you need The Truth? The one who can open things up, lay them bare and expose reality?

John 14:6New International Version (NIV)

6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Do you need The Light? The one who can keep you from stumbling in the darkness?

John 12:35New International Version (NIV)

35 Then Jesus told them, “You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you.Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going.

Do you need The Shepherd? The one who can guide you and comfort you?

Ezekiel 34:23New International Version (NIV)

23 I will place over them one shepherd, my servant David, and he will tend them; he will tend them and be their shepherd.

John 10:14-18

14 “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep, and my sheep know me— 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. 17 The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. 18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.”

Do you need The Wonderful Counselor,  The Mighty God?

Isaiah 9:6New International Version (NIV)

6 For to us a child is born,

   to us a son is given,

   and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

I am challenged to take a moment in the presence of God. To come before Him and ask Him what he has for me that will fill my heart and satisfy my soul?  What is “The Perfect Gift" that he wants to give me through Jesus this Christmas.